Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Things We Come Up With!

K, so my daughter informs me today after I dropped my scriptures:
"Mom, you know every time you drop your scriptures your future spouse gets uglier?"

I totally fell out! I mean I was CUHRACK UH LACKIN UP! In between me giggling and snorting all over the place she said.."ok, you laugh, but you're gonna have a butt ugly son in law too!"
True there's the old superstitions and things about weddings and spouses and what not:

But we Mormons have a whole language of our own:
How well liked you are in your ward is directly in proportion to how many zucchini's are your doorstep when you get home from work during the summer months.

Ok THIS one may be true. The last ward I was in, they loved me. And in the summer, it was nothing for me to come home and have 3-8 zucchini squashes waiting for me each day.

And riding home through the neighborhood, some neighbors wouldn't have any. Sad days. I was always giving mine away. You can only do SOO Much with zucchini. I have a fabulous stuffed zucchini AND zucchini bread recipe.

ok another one: If you're lazy/disobedient on you mission your spouse will be ugly.

Maybe we have a fetish with looks? Hows that for being shallow?

If you take the sacrament unworthily, you'll get food poisoning. That would be one way to wipe out a majority of a whole stake or area almost immediately wouldn't it?

I'm not saying we are prone to taking it unworthily, however, I bet we'd be surprised and who would turn up ill. Especially if it's ourselves.

Mormons have horns! You know, I was polishing mine the other day. Unfortunately, it was just a Shoe horn.

If you're doing wrong or in trouble and native Americans show up, they're one of the 3 nephites.
Listen up! I've been in plenty of trouble and the 3 native Americans that came to my aide were just Jose, Vlady and Hector, 3 guys I work with.
I know thy 3 Nephites are out there. But I'm PRETTY sure, they're gonna let me change my own tire if I have flat. How do I know.... because I've changed my own many times.... ALONE!

oh, this is one of my favorites.... Only Mormons speak truth about religion. PEOPLE ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This kind of thinking will send us all straight to hell if we aren't careful.

let me know what kinds stuff yo

Oh man. Ya gotta love us!


Mark J. said...

The horns comment always got me rolling when I was on my mission. We would always quote Psalms 75:10 "All the horns of the wicked also will I cut off; but the horns of the righteous shall be exalted."

Nothing wrong with those horns!

Anonymous said...

These links are not porn or violent. These are programs that the LDS church would not want you to know because it exposes many serious issues. If you value your self as a human being hen do not let you fear dictate your decision. Again, by watching these you maybe enlightened about basic facts that the LDS church do not want you to know. God Bless

Brave Mormons with nothing to fear will answer...
Where did the very first God come from? Going back into the endless past who was the very first God?
How did he become a God with out being a man first?
What planet was the very first God from?
How did he get on that planet?
Where are the many Iron helmets, chariots, cities, excavated to prove there was a great battle in North America?
How was Joseph Smith able to lift the tablets of Gold by himself?
How do you explain the book of Abraham as being proved to be a copy of an Egyptian burial ceremony having nothing to do with Abraham or Issac?
If God can be trusted to tell the truth always then why was the black man cursed and then no longer cursed? Did God change his mind?
How can the Holy Ghost be God if he was never born a man and married in the first place?
A brave mormon will answer these questions and prove his positions when more questions are asked of him or her.
Let's see? Don't you want to share the gospel?

Anonymous said...

search in google video the following:
"Book of Abraham" AND "DNA versus the Book of Mormon"

Big Brother, Little Sister Moments

Big Brother, Little Sister Moments
Hand in Hand


I earned some temporary wings!