When The Flowers Have Wilted and The Leaves Have Dried....

When you're in the midst of a tragedy do you ever feel betrayed that the world doesn't recognize? Even if it's just for 5 minutes. Do you sometimes wish you could flip a switch and stop the world with it's hustle an bustle so it can  surround you in your sorrow or heartbreak or whatever it may be?

  It's times like these as Christians we rally around each other because it's the CHRISTIAN thing to do. Our Christian Duty.  Hopefully we also do it because it's the HUMANE thing to do.

During those immediate times  we gather together for support and strength. Bringing meals, sending cards and donations and flowers.  We rally around for a week or two with "If there's anything I can do or if you need me call me."  as our theme. 

  After a week or two we get back to our own lives and allow them to try and get back into theirs. 

  Getting back to a routine helps to bring back the normality.   Getting dressed, going to work, socializing with co-workers keeps our minds and bodies busy as we slowly heal.  We find ways to fill our days so we can feel again. We appreciate and depend on those who surround us. 

What happens in the weeks and months to come.  Do you often feel yourself 2 or 3 months down the road into a relapse saying to yourself 

 "where is everyone? I still need your strength and support..." 

 Only to find that the world is now over it, and why aren't you?

You look around and find yourself alone, lonely and wondering if you'll ever stop hurting. And try and focus back on the time when you were surrounded by people and cards and Tupperware after Tupperware of Lasagna and chicken and rice casseroles.   You look on the shelf and notice the beautiful bright cheery flowers have wilted and the leaves have dried and fallen off the stem.

    You can see the beauty of them and their previous existence. The memory of what they used to be pales in comparison to the realty of what they have become. You could create something beautiful with it but the truth is your inventory of time, energy and creativity is in short supply and you can't find your reserves. 

When those we care about have an immediate need we often rush to their side and bombard them with support.  We make the time to care and comfort. 6 months later where are we in our caring? Do we visit often? Make a phone call or extend and invitation to get away from it all? Or as we wondering if we'll ever get that favorite piece of Tupperware back? Are we avoiding those calls that turn into 2 hour depressing conversation where you basically want to tell someone to "get over it and get on with life?" Because you have things to do and places to go and people to see?

  

 As we all go through this life together I think it would be fitting for us to not just remember those who are going through hard times but to reach out to them...after the flowers have wilted and the leaves have dried. How often to we think of others but never let them know? Only to find out they've been struggling and could have used some support. How often have you been on the other end of recognizing you could fulfill a need, hand you only taken the time to recognize there was a need to be filled.   Are their times when you've marketed the burden or pawned and pimped it off on someone else because you've been too busy or unwilling to help carry it? 

   I'm often reminded of a church meeting from long ago where a sister stood up and mentioned how she prays everyday for the homeless people in the park w/o food or shelter.  Sometimes all we can do is pray. 

 I recall saying, 

"Prayer is great. It's a beautiful thing. But there are times when it just may not be enough.  Sometimes we have to be the answer to the prayer we're offering up."   

  We need to be the blessing in the lives of others.   When I say be a blessing i don't mean that in arrogance. I mean there are things people in the community need and in some ways I can provide that need.  Because I have been given much, I too, must give.  I believe these days it's called "Paying it Forward."    Often times we use Prayer as a crutch or an alternative to service. Imagine how the World could be if , with each prayer, there was an intent to somehow act upon it? 

I hope we will often consider using these hands:

   

like these hands.

A good friend walks in when others walk out.   A good friends arrives when others have left and their need to feel important has gone with them. 

   I leave you with one of my favorite quotes

I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Be the one to show up after the flowers have wilted and the leave have dried.

Link the chain... LINK IT!!!

Great-Aunt Alice (Warfield) Darby and  My Dad! 

Tomorrow is my Great-Aunt Alice's funeral. She passed into the next chapter of her transition at the Age of 95. Let me tell you there is LONGEVITY in my family on both sides. My Great Grandfather  Asa Dudey, lived to the age of 99. My twin Grandma Evelyn (Jordan) Gamble (Mom's mother) is almost  95. Each time one passes I wish I knew them better and spent more time with them. Such is the case with Aunt Alice...and so many of the others.  There were some who were gone too soon. Papa, John Gamble, my mother's father passed away when I was only six.. My Grandma has been without her beloved spouse for 40 years. My Grandmother Pearle  (Flowers) Dudley, (father's mother) passed away my 2nd year of college.  Her mother, Johnnie Melba (warfield) Flower Worrell passed away a year before.  Johnnie Melba was  Aunt Alice's oldest Sister. My Great-Grandmother Johnnie Melba was the oldest of 13 children.  She had 1 child, Pearl Dryden (Flowers) Dudley. My daughter is her twin great-grand child, they look so much alike sometimes it freaks me out when I look at my daughter. (Have you ever tired to ground  your Grandmama's face on a 9 year old misbehavin  child?  yeah... it ain't so easy)

Norman Donald Dudley Sr & Pearl Dryden Dudley

Grandpa & Grandmother on their wedding day

Alieshia Dudley, Great-Grand daughter to Pearl D Dudley. 

Yeah, see what I mean? Twins run in our family even if they're generation apart.

 Actually Alieshia is a triplet... My Grandmother Pearl looks just like one of  my Great-Grandmother's sisters, Aunt Florence.   Aunt Florence and Grandmother were only a couple of years apart in age, i believe.  It used to trip me out to see them together.   My grandmother was a great educator in the Battle Creek School systems for many years. Most of my Jr High and High school friends had her as a kindergarten teacher. My daughter will be Graduating from College May 4th, exactly a month from today getting her Bachelors in Early childhood education.  she wants to teach kindergarten and will be taking after her great-grand mother Pearl. None of us are at all surprised!!

 My family is well known where I grew up. I call it cheers, because sometimes if definitely feels like everybody knows our name.  It made it difficult to act a fool and get away with anything.

I didn't know my great-aunt Alice well at all, and yet tears well up and spill over just at the loss of knowledge I failed to seek out in her and her siblings. She, I believe was the last to return. She has completed the family in more ways that ever imagined.

My daughter is a jr Genealogist and had a big hand in doing family history. She has reunited and connected quite a few family members. I think as African Americans it is detrimental to the future of our children to reconnect those family members that are lost.  Our African men and women were kidnapped from their native land and brought to another only to be sold off. Our father's were , beaten into submission and treated as ox mules and other work animals.. Our mother's were raped and bred as domestics, wet nurses and baby mills all  for the love of greed and power. Our families were ripped apart, some being snatched up on the middle of the night and sold off as property to pay debts or given as gifts to others.  Imagine your family waking up together, in tact but going to bed at night with missing members never to be seen or heard of again.   I believe our worth and esteem are wrapped up in the generations that have gone on before us. They have suffered, bled and died and paved the way so that we can walk the paths they never had the opportunity to enjoy or indulge in. 

They look behind them through the veil at us and cheer us on moving forward to accomplish those great things to add to the legacy they presented before us. It is for us to look forward in strength and  and perseverance to continue on in their legacy.  Each of us should strive to full the family chain with the links that bind us together through eternities..

My daughter found some families names and gave them to my sister a few (5)  years ago to have them added to the family temple work we do through our church. My sister misplaced the names. and have not been able to find them for years.   Aunt Alice passed away 8 days ago on March 25th. The Morning of March 26th my sister wakes me up by busting into my room announcing she's found the missing names.  I sleepily said to her ... "Oh, that was all Aunt Alice, she found them and let you to them.."  Most of the missing names were those of her direct siblings as well as my grand parents..  It was almost as if she was sayin...."not without me you don't!"  I'm happy to report we will be joining all of her sibling and her to their parents, along with any spouses the siblings may have.  

 I can almost hear them congratulating each other on the fine job  what their family is doing now. Oh how I envy those reunions on the other side of the veil

THE WARFIELD FAMILY (most of them) All on the other side hangin with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

To MyAncestors by Carol Lynn Pearson:

"I wonder-

Did I peek through the veil impatiently,
While you slowly forged the bonds that brought me to mortality?
And do you now stand where I stood
Yesterday,
Your cheeks against Heaven’s curtains
and pray-
Pray fervently for me to forge the bonds,
that bring us to eternity?"

*Link the chain...people. LINK IT!!! And bring the family together again!!

Do You Need A Release From Relief Society?

For some sister in church, Relief Society is just what the Dr ordered: A way to reconnect as a women with women who understand the everyday trials of being a wife and mother and running a house hold. We talk about frustrations of husband and kids and what works in dealing with them. Some of us a crafty and sew, cook, tole paint  scrap book, do photography and even offer to share the pattern for how to created a cool interactive family home evening lesson or create the latest  tu-tu for our baby daughters to wear when they have their 1 year old photography session next month. We find encouragement and uplifting messages that strengthen us and prepare us to carry on in faith another week "til we meet again." We  Love It!






OR ...

 For some it's a lecture on how much we're lacking or falling short in areas. We listen to the "Uplifting" messages only to recognize we argue and nag our spouse too much, we're much to embarrassed to accept visiting teachers because the house is too messy and the thought of sitting in church with 3 screaming babies and their autistic toddler is too much to even think about. We find ourselves being preached to and chastised for not being patient enough, loving enough, giving enough and frankly too tired to really care that Sister Perfecto has won this months Better Homes and Garden award for being Superwoman once again. We Hate It!



OR

For some of us we show up because we're supposed to. This weeks lesson was AMAZING. But Sister Lack-luster is teaching next week and since she just reads right from the book I can stay home and do that myself so I'd rather sleep in.  How exciting the ward is having a Date night for all the married couples with a guess speaker focusing on finding intimate moments in a house full of chaos. Can a single sister come and bring a date, oh wait... we're staying way from intimate moments until marriage. Shoot, I wanna go cuz I may be single..BUT I CAN GET A DATE...!   Oh I was so excited to hear about the ARM  activity!  (For those who don't know what "ARMS" are they are Additional Relief Society Meetings. that should be tailored to the needs of the ward.) Until I realized it was the pattern  for the  "Holiday Quilt" the honeymoon sisters are making or the Fall page for the "quiet books" the new mothers are making. Or the Family Personal Care list the wilderness sisters need to catch up on their food storage disaster kits. We love it!...AND We hate it!  






I recognize myself in the 3rd Category. Let me first say it's taken me 27 years to get to this category.  I've been through them all! I was relief society preparedness specialist at the same time as being  Pack Committee Chair for Cub Scouts, Girls Camp Director and Beehive Advisor and of course the auto-calling of visiting teacher to 1 active and 3 inactive sister.  All of this was going down at the same time my daughter was in elementary school, having music, voice and gymnastic lessons while working a full time job.   Did I also mention I'm a single mother.  You can't do all of this as a single woman an not experience it all.

Currently, though I'm identifying with the Love/Hate relationship. A part of me calls  Bull Crap on the Relief Society "Arms!"  Does a ward really need to know how to make little baby tu-tu for all holidays and seasons? Sure it's fun and cute and we need those types of things. But I dare say most if not all sisters could benefit more from learning how to change a tire or spark plugs. Or weatherize the house. And I swear we've mastered the one dish :  Insert " hamburger/chicken, frozen vegetable  creamy soup" here and sprinkle with crunch breakfast cereal topping back at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Or throw 1 can of everything in the crock pot cook all day and throw it over some rice recipes.      I know some of the latest fads are belly dancing classes (LDS Sista's all over the world are letting their inner eroticism out by belly dancing and disguising under Aerobics.) Zumba (a great way to release the energy of wanting to smack your teenager for the blatant disrespecting they did of you in the store earlier.) and the ever popular wall crafts reminding friends, family and neighbors that it's Easter, or July 4th or Halloween. And as of  late, extreme couponing! How to greedily clear the shelves, take more than you need in this lifetime for free and the store ends up owing YOU money. I know some career couponers who do it for sport, not out of necessity.  

  Again, these things are awesome and needed.  But times are tough! Where are the REAL needs like How to change a belt on my washing machine or vacuum cleaner? How to budget for emergencies. Or how to keep my kid from knocking out your kid for calling them a slur, racial, gender, physical or otherwise.   Bullying is also the latest fad... but I don't see anyone teaching classes on how to stop your kid from bullying the kid next door while at school. are  THESE things we should be using our Relief Society Arms for also?  To strengthen home and family is to strengthen the community.   SO while we're being all nice and cozy playing Dr Phil, Dr Oz and Oprah (I'd say Ellen too, but some don't see her being a role model, being gay and all. Which I don't have a problem with I  think she's an Excellent Role Model but I am sitting here in Mormon Utah ...)  the rest of the world is not really giving a rats tail  that the  Wilson's changed their Holiday Wall hanging to St Patricks Day, or that Baby Emma's spring tutu is ready for her next photo opp or that the Newly wed Sister Blissful just mastered her first loaf of homemade all wheat and honey bread.  Perhaps we ought to look at what the sister's really need.
   I use visiting teaching as an example.  We all do it. We all have them.   After giving the lesson 4 times, I get tired of it.  1 Because I know my sisters are giving it also and they know it. 2. They may not want or need the monthly thought.  They may need me to pick up little Joey from Soccer or fold the sheets that have been sitting in the dryer for 2 days because she can't get to it. Too many of us are going by the book and not by inspiration. We do this a lot as LDS member... we have manuals to keep track of manuals. I've come to the point of "whats the point of going to church if we all have all the books and everything is being taught from the books?" The point is... I would be afraid to live and learn of this world just going by my perspective.  What I'm learning is.... most people aren't this way.  Most people are happy with the Text book learning and the text book answers and are fearful to deviate from it.   I find this attitude boring and lazy.  It is possible to be unified and united  in our diverse lives and situations. THAT is one of the  beauties of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  That should be the beauty of Relief  Society





. Perhaps if when we did come, we came with our unique individual talents and perspectives and added to what's already there instead of passively seething inside while waiting for the time to pass  we might love it a little more.   I say we each enter into Relief Society with a goal to at least once a month share a unique perspective to the Relief Society experience. Mix it up a little and don't settle for the cookie cutter answers in the book.   NOW GET OUT THERE AND RELEASE THE RELIEF IN OUR SOCIETY!


Did you Identify with any of the situations? I'd love to hear from you!

Let's Nourish Each Other!

What are some of your favorite inspirational poems, thoughts, scriptures or songs?

When you walk to the edge of all the light you have
and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown,
you must believe that one of two things will happen:

There will be something solid for you to stand upon,
or, you will be taught how to fly. ~ Patrick Overton