Thursday, April 26, 2007


This year I feel like I've gone and am going through B.O.O.T Camp. I may not like it but I do appreciate it. It's not a bad idea time to time to back to basic training.
We do things to maintain our homes by keeping things cleaned and repaired. Same thing with our vehicles. We do daily maintenance on our bodies by bathing, dressing and feeding ourselves. How often do we take serious thought about doing this with our spirits? Our spirits are used everyday just as our homes, vehicles and bodies. I dare say we spend very little, time if any each day doing those things that would help maintain a healthy and clean spirit. Are there not times when our souls hunger for peace, love, and joy? These things help to nourish out spiritual selves.

How often do we find ourselves rushing out each day forgetting breakfast and finding ourselves famished by the time lunch comes? And if we happen to forget lunch too, we surely make a point of having dinner or something before we hit the pillows at night. How often do we lie down at night with a famished spirit? It may not leave us with an immediate physical ache or gnawing as a hunger pang. It may not cause you to limp, or need a band aide or get the flu, but eventually it does it's own damage.

I'm ashamed to say until recently I haven't really done those maintenance things that a spirit needs to be healthy. Ok I've done some things but not to the extent as should be done. Looking back I'm surprised at how often I've become upset for not having those spiritually things I've felt I've needed and then having the nerve to neglect doing the maintenance needed to have those things. There comes a time when you have to look at your life, where you are now, where you want to be, and where you've come from and think..... "I really need to get myself together. There's no excuse. No justification. There's no reason why I shouldn't have a better handle on my spirituality."
I really do need to get myself together. Late last year, I felt I needed to get back to the basics of the Gospel.

I put myself into B.O.O.T Camp!
When I was girls camp director in the Bonneville 1st ward we had a military theme. Our T-shirts were Cami Green. On the front left side was a picture of a boot and underneath it said "B.O.O.T Camp"
B.O.O.T meant Building Our OWN Testimonies: We can only believe what we hear and what we're told for so long until we need to know to our own knowledge of things.

The back of our t-shirts had the following logo: Br*A*T*S.
Br*A*T*S meant Bringing it All Together Spiritually. Because our purpose was to get ourselves together spiritually. We called our week at camp "BASIC TRAINING." Doing those basic, yet important things that will help us continue to nourish our spiritual selves. The basic stuff is easy. It's just a matter of getting it done. Taking the time to get it done.
The basics are pretty easy:
Scripture Reading
Attending Church meetings/renewing our sacrament covenants

Not so bad, is it?

Really how hard is it to pray each day?
It's not really that difficult to pick up the Scriptures and read each day either especially with as much time as we spend on computers, tv, and electronic gaming devices.

Attending church meetings is mainly one day a week. The Lord asked for 1 day out of 7, is it really so hard to oblige?

He asked us to fast 1 day out of at the most 31. We usually don't die from such a request.

Tithing is the one a bunch of us have issue with, myself included. "What? You want me to give up 10% of my pay check? ARE YOU CRAZY??" *sigh*
I've learned that paying tithing have very little to do with how much money you have. It has more to do with how much faith you have. And this year I've learned a few things of faith. In regards to tithing, I once head it put like this... If you pay it first thing, it's only 10% of what you have. If you wait to put it off, It may be 100% of what you have left.
The Lord had provided a way for us to obtain 100% of what we have. 10% is a drop in the bucket, it's the least we can do.

Hey, I nobody said it would be easy. But hopefully with a desire to do these things they become automatic. That's really what I want, for these things to be automatic, no second thought to doing them. I was much happier when I was doing these things. I was more grounded. Less mean and angry. My soul was more at ease.
As a parent we must take our children to Basic Training. We must be the examples of what we want to teach them. We will be responsible and accountable for whatever foundation we lay before them and the example we are to them.

B.O.O.T camp is HARD. Ask any military personnel how it was to go through those first few weeks that laid the foundation of discipline for them. That's exactly what Basic Training is supposed to do: ingrain in us those things that should be a standard for our lives.

I look around me at those people who are close to me or who I would like to be close to me and I see them struggling. I want to take them to B.O.O.T Camp. I want to remind them of the eternal plan that Heavenly Father has for us. The blessings of being with our families and having a mansion prepared. I want to remind them of the feelings of peace, comfort and home that can be found in doing the Service in our temples and our churches and our homes. We are to stand in Holy places and be a light unto the world. I fear that many of us have become bland to the promptings of the spirit to be in better places and associate with better people. I'm in no way suggesting that better people are ONLY member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because this is in NO WAY true. I'm suggesting to realize the blessings that you want, the places you want to be in your life and where you want to be after this life and surround yourselves with those things and people that are headed that same direction. We get so caught up in what we want right now. Hoping things will work out or eventually meld into the things we really want. Only to realize after much time and effort, that we're either going to settle for what we want right now and make the best of it, or get a grip on reality and work towards that eternal goal.

It really is time to get ourselves together. Get back to basic training and b.o.o.t camp. Relearn and practice those basic principles that will lay a stronger spiritual foundation. Spend some time in silence and get in tune with your spirit. Is is starving? Is it ill and in need of nourishment? Sometimes just being alone in silence allowing ourselves to think and feel will put us in tune with our spirit and our heavenly Father. I know for me it's been those moments of silence. Sometimes even hours that have broken me down to hear my soul crying out like a lost child looking for a loving parent. You cannot run away from yourself.
We ARE indeed soldiers on the battlefield of our Lord. And for any soldier to enter a battlefield without basic training and b.o.o.t camp is suicide.

You decided your final destiny with each choice you make.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Things We Come Up With!

K, so my daughter informs me today after I dropped my scriptures:
"Mom, you know every time you drop your scriptures your future spouse gets uglier?"

I totally fell out! I mean I was CUHRACK UH LACKIN UP! In between me giggling and snorting all over the place she said.."ok, you laugh, but you're gonna have a butt ugly son in law too!"
True there's the old superstitions and things about weddings and spouses and what not:

But we Mormons have a whole language of our own:
How well liked you are in your ward is directly in proportion to how many zucchini's are your doorstep when you get home from work during the summer months.

Ok THIS one may be true. The last ward I was in, they loved me. And in the summer, it was nothing for me to come home and have 3-8 zucchini squashes waiting for me each day.

And riding home through the neighborhood, some neighbors wouldn't have any. Sad days. I was always giving mine away. You can only do SOO Much with zucchini. I have a fabulous stuffed zucchini AND zucchini bread recipe.

ok another one: If you're lazy/disobedient on you mission your spouse will be ugly.

Maybe we have a fetish with looks? Hows that for being shallow?

If you take the sacrament unworthily, you'll get food poisoning. That would be one way to wipe out a majority of a whole stake or area almost immediately wouldn't it?

I'm not saying we are prone to taking it unworthily, however, I bet we'd be surprised and who would turn up ill. Especially if it's ourselves.

Mormons have horns! You know, I was polishing mine the other day. Unfortunately, it was just a Shoe horn.

If you're doing wrong or in trouble and native Americans show up, they're one of the 3 nephites.
Listen up! I've been in plenty of trouble and the 3 native Americans that came to my aide were just Jose, Vlady and Hector, 3 guys I work with.
I know thy 3 Nephites are out there. But I'm PRETTY sure, they're gonna let me change my own tire if I have flat. How do I know.... because I've changed my own many times.... ALONE!

oh, this is one of my favorites.... Only Mormons speak truth about religion. PEOPLE ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This kind of thinking will send us all straight to hell if we aren't careful.

let me know what kinds stuff yo

Oh man. Ya gotta love us!

SometimesThings Get Worse Before They Get Better

Every time you declare yourself something, everything unlike it shows up to test you. Why do you suppose that is? Does it seem to you that basically each time you decide you're going to do something for the better, all hell beaks loose to get in your way? This has been my experience the last week.
I've put a plan into action to "Get my house in order." No sooner than I start on phase one.....anything that can get in the way, has come to get in the way. I've been irritated, down right mad, angry and vicious. I warned people. I've even stayed away from answering my door, my phone, my texts, my emails because I KNOW that I'm residing on the edge of chewing somebody... any body's head. Why do you supposed life gets that way?

This is what I've come up with.
1. When you put yourself on the path for good and righteous things all hell DOES break loose. The Devil wants you for his own. So why wouldn't he do those things that would discourage you? And we know he's not a fair fighter. He will use whatever people, things, weaknesses you have to break you down and bring you back to his control.

2. When you declare to Heavenly Father that you are taking up with him, he wants to know you mean it. He wants to know you are serious. He want to know that no matter what obstacles will be in your way, that you are willing to work to get passed it, to do his will and his work. Isn't that what this earth life is all about? Loving the Lord enough to get through the obstacles and continue to honor him.

In Doctrine and Covenants 136: 31
My people must be tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I, e have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom.

These trial teach us just how serious we are. They show us how committed we are to our word. They let us know if we need more patience. More faith. More prayer. More resources. They allow us to flex our spiritual muscle and show us just where we really stand in our resolve. Since the beginning of time, man and woman has been tried, tempted and tested.

In Docrtine and Covenants 63:66:
These things remain to overcome through patience, that such may recieve a more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, other wise, a greater condemnation. Amen.

Shoot! When you think about it, it's a stinky deal. But that's ok. Even Christ, who was perfect was tempted so who are we to think we can get away without being tempted.

Sure it's frustrating and a royal pain in the squatter. But oh man, have you experienced the joy in overcoming such challenges? Isn't it such a great experience to know that you CAN overcome?
I like Romans 8:18
For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

I saw that scripture and thought... "where did that come from!"


can I say *WOW?*

Of course the Lord's people must be tried in all things. And if we endure it well, we will be crowned in much glory.

So here's to us! All of us who are feeling worked: Worked on, worked out, worked under and worked over. Hang in there and know that after much tribulation come the glory.
We're all in this together.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Know That You Can Feel Bad and Recover

Today, I took inventory of the next couple weeks and found myself drowning in a sea of my own "needs." They aren't huge or laborious things they're just somethings I needed.
It put me in a foul and nasty mood. You know the kind of mood that makes you wanna cuss someone out for just saying hi or smiling at you. I've been pretty quite and keeping my distance because my fuse is short today.

I was cleaning out some old drafts from my main blog:

(about reality being real)

and came across this which, by the way has been EXACTLY how I'm feeling today so, I posted it.

Within a few minutes of posting the thing I receive Instant Messages from 2 of my favorite people. These two people I regard quite highly. They're always and example of being "the better part" of what we should be. There strength, example and friendship is precious to me.
It's been a while since I spoke with either one of them so it was really cool the logged in one right after the other.
The first one, always fun and lighthearted to speak with. The first one, as we were talking started to mention that lately she's been feeling sort of how I was this morning. She didn't really try and get me out of my mood, but just her knowing how I was feeling and even expressing that she, too had shared some of those was enough. Sometimes we get into absolutely miserable moods for no reason, or for the simple fact that Lucifer loves company and he's working overtime on YOU for a spell. And we convince ourselves that nobody else feels that way, no body else cares. Just knowing that someone else understands your struggle and them coming along willing to share it, makes that burden so much lighter. I was well relieved. And in our short comings we talked about how we hadn't finished reading the Book OF Mormon yet and that we've been stuck in the book of Alma for a while. But even through talking about that Short coming we were able to discuss what we had learned and what we WERE gaining from the point that we stopped.

Turns out that things aren't so bad as we think they are. And most of the time they aren't as badly as we feel. It's ok to get upset and angry and move into pissosity! But it's not OK to stay in that place too long. It's never a good thing to be S.O.S (stuck on Stupid) You can and will feel bad, but it's wonderful to know that YES! You will recover if you allow yourself to.

The Lord does send what you need when you need it. Even if you don't recognize it!
I feel recovered. Thanks Cliffy and WonderGirl :) Today, you have made me smile!

Monday, April 16, 2007

We Will Stand For Truth...

"We will stand for truth and righteousness at all times and in all things and in all places...."

*Update to my previous post* I've been carrying on a conversation with "M&M" about what he knows of the church which is old traditions and not Gospel Doctrine. I only hope to let people know what was traditional practices of the times and what is Gospel Truths. I have been able to clearify some things and that's a great feeling. I like being able to have a discussion, a healthy conversation when each side can learn something, or is willing and open to learning something. Here is our most recent conversation:

Keep in mind to response on the previous post I basically explained what was said in my first post for this blog:

His response to what I mentioned:

"Thank you, you are very smart. It does not seem that we can be destroyed as Afro Americans with you in the church. I have dated many Mormons and knew many Mormon elders who left the church. My knowledge is accurate but people like you can make sure my knowledge does not continue to be true.. (I hope) "

He also went on to say:
"Joseph Smith believed in having more than one wife. He stole those doctrines from Nephi and his family. I have dated numerous Mormon women and had very good friends who were elders of the church, but no longer wished to be apart of the church. Jesus says only one wife. "Man and woman shall intertwine to make one rope". That's "ONE" rope not 7 or 8. In your church a woman is not allowed to know the full truth. .. I hope you can do something to change the ways of your church."

I went on to explain my view of Polygamy:
"But traditions aren't considered Gospel truths and certainly are not tolerated today.
Polygamy was practiced for a short time 100 or so years ago for several reason: back then in America, a woman could not even get land or home ownership or have a business unless it was through her husband or father, it had to be done by a male. It was difficult for a single woman, say widowed ,to get govt assistance or any assistance to feed herself and any children she might have, if not under the legal name of a male. It was more the security of preserving families, not just men sleeping around sexing women. When the U.S Government deemed it illegal, it was stopped. The church didn't continue it under some religious cover up, MY church banned it."

I also explained and this is strictly MY opinion:
"a group of bitter elders, who felt they should have the birthright of church presidency through bloodlines spun off their own religion and called themselves "Fundamentalist Mormons." This is where Warren Jeffs and is brew of illegals come from. They still practice polygamy illegally. Again, this is not MY Church. We govern ourselves to the Law of the land. meaning we can't just create our own laws of morality and hide under our religion for them."

To which he commented: "Mormons are not the only ones I check up on, I check up on all religions, it's just the Mormons turn. Then I go back to Christianity. And boy do they need help!"

I had to laugh and Agree to that, we do need help! Don't trip, cuz we do. I said Mormons listen well and learn wall and are a work in progress just as all of God's children are.

Hopefully that's one more person who understands a little better than they did before.
I enjoy conversations such as these: No anger, no competition. Simply exchange of light and knowledge, let the Holy Spirit do the rest!

Here's to HOPE!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Here We Go Again.....

I got this following message in one of my many "in" boxes:

"YES YOU, BLACKS! As said in the Mormon Journals "Blacks are not to receive the pleasures of Heavens until every son of Adam does first". OR HOW ABOUT THIS ONE: "Negroids are inferior to whites and will not reveive the pleasures of Heaven." Yes this is true and many, many many Black Mormons are in denial of this comment, they attempt to battle me all the time, refusing to see the truth in this belief. MORMONS DO NOT SEE BLACKS AS EQUALS, and I'm tired of saying it. But today kiddies, uncle Messiah's got some profiles for you to look at. These are only some of the Myspace profiles that proove that Mormons make fun of blacks. Just do a simple advanced search and select Afro American decent and select Mormon only. You will notice that there are tons of white Mormons who put on their profile that they are Afro American. I have been researching different religions on Myspace for 3 years now and have never seen any white kids say they were black except for the Mormons. Don't you find it strange? And no one says a dam thing about Jesus in their profile. I thougtht Mormonism was about Jesus. If you refuse to accept the truth about Mormons denying Blacks in Heaven, don't worry, I have more than enough information to set you strait.Well here are some profiles to look up. Just make sure you type in the URL of first.666lama666, crapsmear, talanador, benjamin_huff, wilfy_soft, coolchica07. You can also look at the display names of Pharmie and MJ.They are making fun of you yo! This has been a wake up call from the Messiah's Messenger (I hope)."

I think it's a shame that those "journals" were written. Simply because people do not understand them as journals.. .They believe it is a living and practicing Gospel Doctrine of today.

As mentioned above.. written in 1957. FIFTY YEARS AGO! Now recall back in history the state of America during that time? And why don't these people who have been "researching religions on myspace for years..." research in more Reputable places. I did mention to this person that "personally, I would walk into a church and speak with their Highest authority available to me" and start asking questions. If I wanted to know about a church or religion, "MYSPACE" would be the last place I'd go. And if I wanted to find someplace that made fun of black, whites, christians, jews or decent values... it would prolly be the FIRST place I'd go.

I Stand by my very first post on this blog, which I copied to my friend Messenger.

I have to respect a person who stands up for what they believe, just as I will stand up for what I believe. I don't debate. Never heard God debate. He simply corrected errors, with love, and kept on rollin'.

So we are clear:

Mormons do not make fun of blacks anymore more than any other religious, racial, cultural group. Especially no more than black making fun of blacks which is the saddest of all things in my book. (when a culture profits from degrading itself)

All mormons, Black, white, yellow, red, green purple, skyblue plaid, have access to all the priviledges and blessings of Heaven.

The priesthood is the power to act in behalf of God as the one who holds the Priesthood is worthy. It is a sacred partnership with God the men have. Women have the honor of bearing children as their sacred partnership with God. Each has been blessed with special gifts and all are blessed by these gifts which the others hold.

For those who insist on believing traditions and practices of the past that ARE NOT the Doctrine or Gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I refer you to one of the most recent teachings by Our Prophet President Gordon B Hinckley just April 2006:,5232,49-1-602-20,00.html

We believe the bible to be the Word of God this was given less than 2 weeks ago:,5232,49-1-690-29,00.html


I swear with THIS and IMUS.... the world really is deteremined to push everything else into focus EXCEPT this simple fact: The two real forces in this world are good and evil, right and wrong. The world is not divided into black and white and varying shades of grey, just the people are.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Stupors of thought.

The worse feeling in the world sometimes is a stupor of thought. But thank goodness for them. This morning before work I kept thinking to tell my daughter to go to the city library this evening. But every time I thought to tell her I would never remember or my mind would get side tracked. Funny thing is, she tells me all day she kept thinking to go to the library. Each time she had that thought something would side track her mind. As a result, I never told her to go and she never ended up going.

We just finished watching the 10:00 news. Some psycho chick was at the library this evening with a gun. She only got off one shot before some students there disarmed her and called the police. turns out Psycho chick was in the section my daughter practically lives in when she goes to the library.

The stupors man......The Stupors!

D&C 9:8-9

8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
9 But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Traditions Of Easter.

Happy Easter Everyone! I thought I'd share with you the small traditions I have at Easter. Easter is pretty low key around here. It's usually just me and my daughter. When she falls asleep I creep around arranging things for her Easter morning. I remember how easter was when I was a kidlet. Each of us pretty much had a certain spot at the dinner table. Growing up, since my siblings and I were close in age and way too active for our own good, my father assigned colors to us: My older brother's color was blue, then my sister's was red, I was yellow and the youngest, his color was green. We each has plate, cup, bowl, comb, brush, toothbrush, and a variety of other things in our color. To my parent's credit, AWESOME IDEA! Even in our middle aged adulthood we still follow this pattern and find ourselves reverting to our colors when we purchase things.

Anyway, easter morning we'd wake up and the dining room table would be decked out! There would be the easter grass all over the table with colored eggs, jelly beans, chocolate, peeps... you know the works. And where each child sat for dinner would be an easter basket. In each easter basket would be the bunny of your color , that's who you knew which basket was yours, and a big chocolate easter bunny. It was an AWESOME site to wake up and see. Then we'd get dressed in our new easter clothes: My sister and I Matching dresses, white buckle shoes with matching white purse, white tights. My brothers, new easter suites and newly shined shoes. WE WERE SHARP and we knew it! After church we'd go visit both sets of grandparents and model our selves for their cameras. Then sit down to a dinner of Ham, scalloped potatoes and stuff I honestly cant even remember. That's what I remember MOST about easter growing up.

I do thing somewhat differently. The first couple years, I did the bunny thing with the table and all of that. It was fun to watch my daughter as she was younger. I realized early on this kid was different though. Each year I would notice myself throwing away the chocolate easter bunny, jelly beans and other goodies from last year the night before I replaced it for the current year. She wasn't as interested in the goodies and dressing ups a she was in hearing the stories of easter.

This child was letting me know that I needed a new Gig for easter. When she reached the age of 4 or 5 I was roaming along the store looking at the stuffed bunnies thinking... how I was going to make her easter worth it this year. Something caught my eye: A midst the chaos of stuffed easter bunnies and fuzzy little yellow chicks lay a stuffed lamb all alone. It was literally off the side by itself. In my flashed before me the words..."The Lamb Of God." Swooped up the lamb and formulated a whole new gig.

That Easter morning when she woke up, there was easter grass on the table with a small bit of goodies. In the middle of the Easter grass was a little lamb with a gift. As my daughter loved to read and be read to, I wrote down the story about the Lamb of God being Jesus Christ, and how he was God's gift to us. And I proceeded to write out how Jesus Christ gift to us was paying for our sins in the garden of Gethsemane and then allowing himself to be crucified, giving us the gift of eternal life. SHE LOVED IT! A new tradition was born.

Each year, she gets a new "lamb of God" and that lamb brings her a "gift." Each year the older lambs are put on the table and surround the newest lamb. Through the years we discussed the different symbolizations of the lambs: The 1 and 99. One Fold, One shepherd. Other sheep I have not of this fold. The Good shepherd. My sheep know my name, and so on. Each year the gifts are different: Scriptures. Journals. A new book. Types of jewelry.
I think my favorite was the year I bought her a necklace with a cross. We Latter Day Saints aren't much into crosses so some people freaked out about it. We focus more on the resurrection and the living God than the visual of a beat down Jesus on the cross. I wanted her to have the reminder before he could rise again, he first had to die.

Each year I make sure she has something to read in relation to this Holy Day.

She's not as into fancy easter clothes as I am... ( some things just stay with you). Me and my hat tip into church and just wait for the comments. (Mormon women aren't into hats and things, unless it's pioneer day, then it's a pioneer bonnet) Each year the women profess "I wish I would have gotten a hat to wear, but I would just look foolish in it." To which I say... "GIRL, go on and get the hat next year, we can look foolish together!"

Easter dinner usually consist of some bbq, usually ribs or chicken, some potato casserole or baked mac n cheese, and some greenery: Snap beans, Broccoli or Asparagus. With a cheese sauce over it. Desert, usually strawberry short cake. ( not done on a pound cake or angel food cake, but made from a sweet biscuit.) In the evening , of COURSE we watch the 10 commandments. Who doesn't watch Charlton Heston vs Yul Brenner in one of the greatest rivalries of good vs evil? It's like watching Michigan vs Ohio, or BYU vs U of U (that one was for you, Michael.)
I've come to love the simplicity of Easter around my humble place. As the season moves us quietly into spring and new beginnings. The earth is starting to awake and liven up from winters hibernation and kick off into full bloom. It's the perfect time for us to guide our spirit to do the same thing.... renew and rebirth those things in our life that bring us into his marvelous light.

My your Easter spark in you the rekindling of the Light of Christ in your lives.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Nails Didn't Keep Jesus On The Cross...

Love kept Jesus on the cross. I'm utterly heart broken as thoughts of the Atonement (at-one-ment)run through my mind. The atonement. The garden. Gethsemane. My part in the suffering that took place there. How much of that suffering was and is in vain because of my pride, stubbornness, ego, and willingness to hold on to anger, pain, and other such things that I need not keep. How utterly ungrateful to harbor such things. It's hard to wrap my mind around the great the magnitude of such love and to fully recognize that so much of that was for me, and you and every living soul to ever come to this earth regardless of circumstance, status and reciprocation. Sometimes we fail to forgive or love through the simplest of things. We allow others to keep us from the places we should be and doing the things we should do because our feelings are hurt, or we get offended.
How could I look Heavenly Father in the eye and say.... "Sorry Lord, but I allowed his words to keep me from you. I disliked him, more than I loved you, so I stayed away." Is that gonna fly?

This year, more so than ever I am realizing that almost every situation or obstacle I encounter along with every relationship ( family, friendship, love or whatever) has more to do with the Lord. His Love. The ability to Trust him and know that where man will forsake me, he will lift me up. The more I've put my trust in that concept this year, the "mo betta"my life is becoming.
I see the metaphor before me so clearly:

I'm walking on a road. My Lord is at the end of the road. On this road are boulders, rocks, brier patches, noxious weeds and other things blocking my direct path to him. These things have labels on them: Anger, fear, confusion, disappointment, jealously, low self esteem, pride and such. When I come to these things, I have the agency to decide what to do with them. I can get upset they are there yell, cuss, and get mad about it and complain to everyone else on the road. I can sit and stare at it lazily and expect someone else to clear my road for me while. I can sit on and not decide to do anything... still not making any progress on my road to my Lord. I can try and move it myself. When it's too heavy for me to move alone, I can ask someone for help. Sometimes help just comes or is offered. When I put too much attention and energy in them: "Soo big, too heavy, why is this here? How come me? What am I supposed to do now..", they become bigger and harder to get rid of. I deplete my energy on them which either angers me, allowing the vicious cycle to continue, or I exhaust myself,
and finally submit to my Lord, who then removes the burden from the road between us. Each time I willingly put my faith in my Lord, away is provided for these obstacles to be removed. Sometimes they just simply roll out of my way to my amazement and I continue forward. I've been doing the anger and exhaustion for a while now.

If you want to keep getting what you're getting, keep doing what you're doing.

This year I promised myself I would do a new thing. And although I don't have it mastered, it has changed some very important things in my life. Life really is less complicated doing things his way.

We must come to the conclusion that someone with such great love for each of us to suffer even unto death has a just cause. WE ARE HIS JUST CAUSE. The easiest thing in the world should be for us to put our faith and trust in him. We spend a majority of our lives looking for friendship and love when we have the Ultimate friendship and love already if we believe.

Take some time this Easter weekend to be in the quiet and the stillness and feel that love. Pay tribute to he who paid the ultimate cost and consider a dedication to renewing broken or forgotten covenants with him.

Nails didn't keep Jesus on the cross... LOVE kept Jesus on that cross!

Today, I felt Highly Favored

Yup, I really did. The day was gorgeous! I work in a call center and this week the company I work for was celebrating it's 35 year Anniversary. When things like this happen my dept can't usually attend because the phones are on. Our supervisor's put the names of everyone in my dept in a hat and drew out 3 of them. Those 3 would go to the employee party at the main Manufacturing center. Guess who's name was pulled? Uh, huh, das right! It really was a fun time. I spent the last 2 hours of work playing with some of my favorite coworkers that I only get to see a couple times a year. They gave away prizes, showed some WAY old employee video footage from back in the day. They even showed 2 of the owners when they made an appearance on the Oprah show with their family. Pretty fun stuff.

After work I went to visit a few friend of mine in the Salt Lake Area. There was a Birthday Party up in Mill Creek that was such great fun! But before that I had dinner with friend some mine who blew in from Hurricane Katrina. Can I mention they made me dinner? It's very rare that someone makes ME dinner, or anything for that matter :) Those types of things just don't happen to me. It's very rare that I'm blessed with that kind of service coming my way so when it does happen, I do feel highly favored. Their story, is one of epic proportions. The wife is getting baptized on the 28th of this month. Her story, is such that I can't even begin to describe the Lord's hand in her life. For me to try, would diminish it's value and sacredness. But I can tell you in the last week and a half, the veil of Heaven has been thin. And the things that have taken place I know cannot be shared carelessly and taken lightly. However, I can TESTIFY that in our Spiritual Hymn "A Spirit Of God" there is a verse that we sing, but we take too lightly. This is where I stand by my paragraph in Yesterday's blog..."Where are those who believe?"

With that I will leave you with a scripture, and the verse of a favored Hymn:
3 Nephi 24:1
1 And it came to pass that he commanded them that they should write the words which the Father had given unto Malachi, which he should tell unto them. And it came to pass that after they were written he expounded them. And these are the words which he did tell unto them, saying: Thus said the Father unto Malachi—Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me, and the Lord whom ye seek shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight in; behold, he shall come, saith the Lord of Hosts.

"The Spirit of God"

1st Vs: The spirit of God like a fire is burning the latter day glory begins to come forth. The visions and blessings old are returning and Angels are coming to visit the earth...

With this being 2:00 am on Good Friday Morning, I really feel as if I'm going through a HOLY Week. Never before have I been so fully aware of what precious meaning tomorrow and Sunday means. Never before have I been so STUCK by the Love our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has for EACH ONE OF US. I am in awe that I've been privileged to be part of experiences that I can hardly comprehend.


Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Touched Every Day

I've decided to focus on feeling God in my life every day. Sometimes the days are long and the people we encounter are obnoxious, and we're short on patience and tolerance. I guess that's part of being human.

Lately I've been trying to do things that focus more on feeling good spiritually. I'm finding if I'm feeling good Spiritually, then the emotions, mental and physical feeling good takes care of itself. It makes sense because the spirit is the driving force of living. Sure we have a physical heart which can be healthy and pumping blood, but that healthy heart can also be strained and hardened by bitterness, evil, pride and those types of things. It can also be softened, melted and strengthened my kindness, truth and love. All of these things effect emotions, mind and body. By having a healthy Spirit it strengthens your whole being.
I've been recalling probably the last 5 years of life. They have been some hard.. HARD days. I had to look at myself and ask.. "What have I been doing differently? What's changed?" Before I even finish formulating the question in my mind, I know darn well "what's changed." It's not so much as
what have I been doing differently, its a matter of.. "what have I stopped doing and what have I replaced it with?"

I sat for a while in silence. You ever realize how silence can be your worse enemy or your best friend? I sat a good long time in UNCOMFORTABLE silence. Sometimes it takes being uncomfortable long enough for you to get your butt in gear and take some action.
I finally jumped up and made a list of exactly "what's changed?"
Sometimes when we keep things in our minds, we can ignore them, by being busy, covering thought's up and creating justifications for doing or not doing something.
I tell ya, when you put things down on paper and come face to face with it, it changes things. It puts it out there in your face so you must see it. If you can stand to see it, be uncomfortable and NOT make needed changes, I feel sorry for you. Discomfort is the part of the Divinity in you letting you know that "sum'n just ain't right, you need to take some action and fix this thing."

If you have a real desire to do what is right, there will be an urgency inside of you that will not rest until you decide to do the right thing. And then, you will follow through with it. Real desire produces action and real results.

Here is a list of some of things that gave me peace:

Sharing temple experiences with friends:

"Let's meet in the chapel at Such & such time and then do dinner afterwards"

WOW how I miss even saying it! I miss those days and the feeling of just being able to put all the worries of the world away even if just for a couple of hours and feeling renewed and strengthened and ready to take on whatever the outside world had for me.

Good spiritual conversations: I mean real discussions and sharing of things that strengthen each other and bring you closer together at God's children. Even discussing the upcoming Sunday school, priesthood or relief society lessons. I've had really good political conversations, and every day...typical conversations. But I miss those that bring a tear to my eye or quicken my heart when I hear a friend of mine share an experience that has given them and myself a witness of something.

People who BELIEVE:
I've had some incredibly spiritual experiences. And I've had some that are really cool and simple. I'm finding that I can share some of them with people and feel totally uplifted in that sharing. And I can share some with others who are skeptical, or doubtful, or just roll their eyes and leave me feeling deflated and sorry I even shared anything with them. It's almost as if they feel those types of things can ONLY happen to them, or because they never happen to them, they don't care to believe or hear about it happening. They don't share in it. They seem to scoff and leave you with that.. 'whatever' Feeling.
Where are the people who believe?

Sitting in church with friends: Every couple of months my friends and I would go to each others wards. Just because! It's fun to be a guest in different wards and partake of other people's knowledge and spirit. I've had friends ask me to come and be guest teachers or help them teach a lesson they've been preparing. Totally fun times.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I'm only happy going to church meetings and hanging around people from church. I'm saying that with all the other cool and fun things I do... and TRUST ME, I DO ALOT... these are the things I've eliminated the most. And recently I have missed them. I've craved them. And I want them back in my life. So I'll do what needs to be done to be able to have those things back.

Let me break it down with some Madea. If you don't know who Madea is by now, there really is no need for me to even try and explain.
Madea said something like this: "When you get tired, and I mean really tired of going through your stuff, the sadness, the dysfunction, not having peace inside yourself... when you really and truly get tired of it, you'll WILL DO WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE DONE TO COME UP OUT OF IT."
That really is the bottom line. You won't play the martyr. You wont get others to feel sorry for you, shoot, you won't even care what others think or how they feel. Because when you realize it's between you and God, really, you will do exactly what needs to be done to get things straight with him and whatever cost.

****ANYWAY, Back to my main point****

Try and feel blessed at least a few moments every day. It doesn't even have to be a huge thing. I could be something as simple as this: I went to sonic today, ordered 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and got them free because their credit card machine just stopped working. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. But I felt Highly Favored for the rest of the evening :) You know we do little things for our friends and family all the time to make them smile and feel good. I believe Heavenly Father does too, just to keep us reminded of his love.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007


I love General Conference Weekend. As a child I didn't like it too much. My father would borrow hard backed chairs from the church and line them up in the living room. We would have to get dressed in our Church clothes and sit as if we were at the chapel listening to speakers. Sometimes he'd even invite the missionaries over. It was torture to me. I alway thought that when I grew up I wouldn't put myself or my family through this.
Then something wonderful happened when I went to college: I live in a stellar apartment complex with a grassy courtyard. someone got the ideah for everyone who was home at the time to put there boom boxes in the window on the channel that conference was on, and we all meet in the courtyard on blankets and hear THE WORD together. I'm all for just about anything that can be done outside of the box. So about 1/2 of my ward, even those in other apartment complexes met in the center courtyard on blankets and sleeping bags. We gathered pillows, journals, sandwiches, chips, snacks and drinks and assembled ourselves together. And thus started the what I refer to as "THE HOLIDAY" of Conference Weekend!
When I first moved to Provo, someone brought up the Ideah of the Conference Breakfast! Saturday morning, we assemble early with crepes, pancakes and all the fixins. We have breakfast together and listen to conference. I love being able to share thoughts and ideas and testimonies afterwards. And I like being able to look back after a few years and read the journals and notes taken. It allows me to measure progress or lack of progress as well. ON occassions we would pack a picnic lunch and radio's to the park and picnic in between sessions and listen to an evening session in the park. Is there any better way to hear God's word than being in God's creation?
Now, being so close to "The Square" (Temple Square) we typically will attend the Saturday evening session and then go have dinner downtown. I love riding the traxx to the city center and the hustle and bustle of it all. The crowds, the atmosphere, the street performers. Even the protesters don't bother me. I can recall one year a protester singled me out and shouted..."hey young Lady? Did you know that black people aren't allowed to be in their temples? I stopped with a horrified look in my face and responded...? OH NO! I've been going in them for a few years now, how in the WORLD did THAT happend?"
He then said... "well you can't marry in them, they won't let you." Then I responded.... " UH OH.... they Let my daddy and his wife get married.... I bet someone is in big trouble for doing that!" And in a final attempt he said.... " Young Lady, Jesse Jackson would be ashamed of you!" to which I responded... "Probably not half as ashamed as I am of HIM" I smiled and wished him a "Blessed day in the Lord" waved, and walked on my way.

This year, started off very typical. I took some photos of my trip to conference this year. It was an incredible experience for me. Although what I did was mostly the same, it felt different to me. I felt different to me. We each hear things that will hit home with us. Hopefully we each take something away that we say we'll work on to enriche our lives and bring us closer to God.

There were things that struck me to the very core as never before. With that became an increasingly urgent desire to make the needed changes in my life to renew covenants and a pledge rededicate my life to the building up of the Kingdom of God.

Monday, April 2, 2007

It's True, I am A black Mormon Girl!

The first thing I want you to know is this: I Believe in Jesus Christ. I believe he came into the world as our elder brother so full of love for God the Father, and for us that he came as a perfect, unspotted lamb to sacrifice and atone for the sins of the world. Only he who was perfect could pay the cost for sin. And I believe Christ rose on the 3rd day so that we all might live again eternally.

I believe that Gordon B Hinckley is a Prophet of God just as I believe Joseph Smith,Noah,Moses, Isaiah, Abraham, David, John, and many others in our Holy Scriptures to be prophets of God. In ancient times God provided a prophet on the earth to guide his children. Is it so hard to believe that he would do the same for us today? He is the same God. We are his children. We have a prophet to lead and guide us. Even in the most evil of times throughout the history of the earth, the Lord provided a Prophet, whether the inhabitants of the earth followed the prophet or not. In each dispensation he called a man, a mortal man to lead the children of God. And it is still so today.

I want you to know why the Race issue of pre-1978 is not so much of an issue to me. I believe many religions and churches practiced traditions and policies established according to the social and civic times they were living in.
I believe many churches had practices of the same nature for example: why is there a Second Baptist Church? Was it for those considered to be 2nd class citizens such as former slaves and blacks? And doesn't A.M.E mean African Methodist Episcopal? I am not knocking these churches at all. As a Christian (YES, Mormons ARE Christians) we worship God and take upon the name of Christ as our redeemer and savior. He is the link between us and God. We are called "The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints." And as Christians, if nothing else, that is our common ground with the rest of the religious community. I only bring up this point as an example of how some other churches held and still hold a separation policy today.

When people stop and aske me "how can a black person, knowing the history of the mormon church be a member of it? I don't understand it."
Sometimes I smile respond and say.... "how can a black person, knowing the history of the south or of American still live in those places? How can an activest of the 60's knowing the history of civil rights still ride on buses or eat in restaurants that didn't allow black to sit where ever they were free to sit? I just don't understand it!"

I think those aspect of history are important to understand. It's important to teach these things to the generations. Why? So you know the history. So you can see where you've come from. So the injustices of the passed do not repeat themselves. And most of all, So you know where you're going. With out the knowledge of the passed, you leave a part of yourself missing.

It is very difficult for me to understand why the focus on the LDS Church as being THE main church when we stopped that practice almost 30 years ago, but other churches who remain separated out aren't brought into focus by the media.
I believe in allowing others to worship how they want, who they want and pretty much where they want. I don't bible bash or debate. But I will engage in a respectful discussion. I don't believe God would have us fight about religions. I do believe he would have us share with the idea of gaining knowledge from each other and if nothing else establish that common ground of our love for him and Jesus Christ.

I believe that if Jesus came to the earth to over come the word. His grace is sufficient to bless me and you and compensate for the mistakes of others, whether it is in behalf of what someone has done to me or what I may have done to someone else. As I am trying to live according to his will for me, I will not be withheld any blessing. It Is Enough!

I have friends and family of all Colors, Faiths, Cultures, Sizes etc. I have friends who smoke and drink, some even do drugs I'm sure. I have much to learn from all people. My friends are aware of my standard and respect it. As I'm aware of there's and respect it. We understand that although we are on the path of life together, at some point our directions may divert to other things according our beliefs, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy and learn from each other while we do travel together. I think it is a great blessing to be surrounded with all types of people who can learn from and respect and be a blessing to each other with their differences.

You must also know, I make mistakes. BIG ONE'S! There are times when I would swear to you that I have secured my place in hell because I've messed up so big. I am not perfect. But we all know the natural man is an enemy to God. We must try and be perfected in him. Im not saying being Holier than thou and that kind of crap, that's not what I mean. But we must practice over coming our negative weaknesses. And we must try stay way from rebellion. And we must put more effort into living what we believe to be true, instead of justifying reason for being spiritually lazy. We are children of God and just like children, we pout, argue, know it all, and sometimes just don't want to do what we should. The Lord expects that of us, just as we expect that of our children. However as parents we don't just give up on them or stop encouraging them to do the right things. I do believe I AM MY BROTHER'S KEEPER. And the reason we weren't sent to earth alone is because none of us could function alone. We need the encouragement and support of each other. We need to hold one another accountable for those things we claim to believe and hope to live.
So with that..... Let's head on out to the Battlefield for our Lord....!

Big Brother, Little Sister Moments

Big Brother, Little Sister Moments
Hand in Hand


I earned some temporary wings!