National Come Back To Church Day

***A LITTLE BACK HISTORY***

I've talked a few times before about living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder aka PTSD. It comes from living through a trauma  and various things can contribute to triggering your body and mine to feel as if it's going through the trauma all over again. In the military is used to known as SHELL SHOCK, however it happens to many people outside of the military as well. To make a long story short, I'll just speak in generalities.
       My trauma  came to a head June 20 2008. The next day I had the breakdown in a leadership meeting at one of the local ward houses. About month later the bishop who took me in, got me the help I needed, checked up to make sure I had access to the people, resources and tools I needed, took his own life behind our home ward building.  This added another layer to the disorder.  Because I'm necrophobic. I have a hard time dealing or seeing  the body of a person after their spirit had departed. A couple of months after that one of the women I visit taught had a family member committed suicide. Needless to say I lost a huge block of life between June 2008 and now.  The things that trigger and relapse me back into PTSD:  Older White Males (ESPECIALLY in Suites or business attire) The Month Of June, and Church Buildings.  

Some of  the physical effects of PTSD:



Nausea, blurred or foggy vision, sweats, rapid breathing & heart beat, over anxiousness, nervousness, body aches, forgetfulness, unclear thinking.  I go through the first 5 of these when I go to church.  The symptoms don't last just a few hours. They last for days at a time. Even writing and talking about it brings on the physical and emotional repercussions of the issue.

 However, telling your story helps to heal you and it helps to heal other people..


Now On with the Show!

   Today, Sunday September 15,2013 is National Come Back To Church Day!

 I've been on Hiatus Off and on for 5 years (Since  6/23/2008.) Sometimes I've been every week for several months in a row and  sometimes I've not been in over a year. Sometimes I got to different wards other than my own. I've moved 3 times. The last time I moved I purchased a Condo cuz I got sick of moving. My Sister moved in with me and she is currently the Primary President in our ward.
 Today was my first time in our ward.  I've been psyching myself up for WEEKS to make sure I'm in the state of mind to make it to church today. I was actually going to go last week because it was stake conference and I would be a little less "zoomed in on" and could disappear into the crowd. Well, I mean as much as a black member in a predominantly  white congregation can "blend."  I would probably make more of an attempt in the passed to make into the building but being black and LDS we are those rare Pearls of Great Price


and being "Incognegro" in Utah is a chore.

 When I got up this morning the Nausea wasn't so bad.  I made sure to eat something just in case.
   About an hour before church I started getting dressed.  I was talking to my sister about our puppy Jake Dude-Action not getting to the dog park enough so I'm sure she thought I was getting ready to take him to the park.   Being Primary Prez she took off before I was dressed.
   I got dressed, threw on some make up. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and took a deep breath. The nausea set in so quickly so I ran and found a piece of peppermint gum. (The times I do go to church I take mints. Most of the time it keeps my stomach soothed enough to keep e from vomiting at church.)
   I went back to the mirror and gave myself  "THE TALK:"
You are safe.  You have the knowledge to take charge of any situation. You have the tools to cope with whatever comes your way. No matter the outcome of your experience take pride in knowing you made the steps to break down another wall.  NOW GO, YOU"RE LATE!"


I put a smile on my face, grabbed my purse and scriptures and out the door I went.
  The Relief Society Presidency can to visit with my sister abt 7 months ago when she left the singles ward and started going to our family ward.  I spoke with them about my situation and they were very understanding and compassionate to my situation. I wondered how they would handle the situation  A couple of weeks after their visit I got a call from a Visiting Teaching companion I didn't know that I had. It was actually a bit too much not having stepped foot in the ward building or knowing anyone from the ward. I felt a little bit like Katniss at the reaping in hunger games just expected to do what I was told or called to do. This didn't work for me and I silently protested by not accepting the calling.

    The goal was to attend 1 hours of church. The reason I'm going with 1 hour for now is because when I go for more than that, which I have before, I get SO sick that it's that sick feeling that I'm stuck with each week. It's not how I want to remember each Sunday. When I do 1 hour I leave just as I being to feel ill but it doesn't over power the great things about being there for 1 hour.  Thank goodness our first hour is Relief Society.  A sorority of Sisters, THANK GOODNESS!!!
 
 I accomplished my goal. And it felt good. It's 6 hours later and I'm still nauseated, but it's not so overwhelming that I'm fixated over it. It should subside about Wednesday, just in time to start pumping myself up for next Sunday.
    It sounds bad, having to pump myself up for church.  Those looking for ways to bash our church, any church or organized religion in general will jump all over that. Meh, find something better and worth while to do. Because for a while I had to make the same kind of baby step goals just to get out of bed in the morning. In the early weeks of the breakdown I couldn't even step out of the house to get the mail.  I had goals that were just to get out of bed and eat. Then get out of bed,  shower and get dressed and eat. I freaked out on the Greeter at a Walmart 2 weeks after the initial break down.  So I've come a long way, baby!
       I know I've build up a safe little community with walls a mile thick. 5 years later only certain people are allowed into that community.  People have taken it upon themselves to "help"  break down my walls. Perhaps in other situations help is needed and welcome and expected.  PTSD is so delicate. Many of us don't need the attention or the focus on us. This is one wall I need to being to break down myself and if others try to do it, it leaves me exposed.  We need to talk about it when we're ready to talk about it and step back out into the world when we're ready to.  For some it's easy for others it's a prison.

  Part of the issue with me going to church is having to explain the issue. Telling the details of the story and triggers is sometimes a trigger itself.  I felt my Relief Society President and my Bishopric needed to know. They need to know why a male home teachers would probably not get into my home. Or if the Bishopric just shows up why they aren't getting in my home.

Telling the story causes your mind and body to go back through the actual events of the trauma. Even though it's a healthy thing and needed thing, you have to go through all the coping skills for days sometimes weeks to feel safe and secure again.  The more you do it the easier it gets  So I know the more I make these goals the better it will.  One truly never is healed from PTSD  our coping skills just strengthen.   In my situation the very people and place most turn to happens to make me sick.
    I have to laugh at the situation sometimes because in reality CHURCH MAKES ME SICK!!


    One of the most priceless things about today was the look on my sister's face when she  happen to look out in the foyer and saw me standing there waiving at her and making funny faces. SURPRISE!!  She came out and greeted me and walked me too Relief Society. She didn't need to. I didn't particularly want her to but I got the feeling that she needed to do it more than i needed her to.

The Relief Society President was pleasantly surprised and she did come and speak with me after.  She address the Visiting Teaching situation and apologized for assuming I was willing and ready to be a visiting teaching with where I'm at. She was gracious and apologetic. Everything she should have been and that will help a great deal in my comfort level of being IN the building.  

 For the most part I'm feeling accomplished.
 I'm grateful for having access to all the learning materials and lessons online. The church is brilliant that way for those of us who can't or are unwilling to get to an actual building and deal with the members, because lets be honest, there are times when we love the church and hate the members in it and some days it's the opposite. One thing I've learned from this is you can never judge a person as to why they do or do not attend church meetings. If our goal is Zion, Zion has to be born internally in our hearts and minds before it can be achieved externally.  Be kind to those who come back to church. Don't be over bearing. A smile and a hand shake is just enough. Some people need to be zero'd in on and others just need space to get used to the atmosphere and marinate for a while to get comfortable.  Take ques from them and don't be afraid to offer what you think may be needed. Always offer. .What they do with that offering is up to them. Some will use it, some will not. If you offer be genuine and you better make time and effort to fulfill your offering.  Things I mostly don't like are when people are so quick with their mouths to offer time, talent and service and then 95% of the time have some excuse or crisis as to why they can't fulfill their own offer. If you don't mean it don't say it.  Don't let your mouth write checks that the rest of you aren't willing to cash.

I'm thankful for National Come back to Church day. It game me more of a goal and a kick start to something I wanted to do but wasn't quite sure of doing.   I hope that next year those who are looking for a way to go back to church, Whichever church that may be, that they take the opportunity to use National Come Back To Church as a guiding tool if you need to. 

Link the chain... LINK IT!!!

Great-Aunt Alice (Warfield) Darby and  My Dad! 

Tomorrow is my Great-Aunt Alice's funeral. She passed into the next chapter of her transition at the Age of 95. Let me tell you there is LONGEVITY in my family on both sides. My Great Grandfather  Asa Dudey, lived to the age of 99. My twin Grandma Evelyn (Jordan) Gamble (Mom's mother) is almost  95. Each time one passes I wish I knew them better and spent more time with them. Such is the case with Aunt Alice...and so many of the others.  There were some who were gone too soon. Papa, John Gamble, my mother's father passed away when I was only six.. My Grandma has been without her beloved spouse for 40 years. My Grandmother Pearle  (Flowers) Dudley, (father's mother) passed away my 2nd year of college.  Her mother, Johnnie Melba (warfield) Flower Worrell passed away a year before.  Johnnie Melba was  Aunt Alice's oldest Sister. My Great-Grandmother Johnnie Melba was the oldest of 13 children.  She had 1 child, Pearl Dryden (Flowers) Dudley. My daughter is her twin great-grand child, they look so much alike sometimes it freaks me out when I look at my daughter. (Have you ever tired to ground  your Grandmama's face on a 9 year old misbehavin  child?  yeah... it ain't so easy)

Norman Donald Dudley Sr & Pearl Dryden Dudley

Grandpa & Grandmother on their wedding day

Alieshia Dudley, Great-Grand daughter to Pearl D Dudley. 

Yeah, see what I mean? Twins run in our family even if they're generation apart.

 Actually Alieshia is a triplet... My Grandmother Pearl looks just like one of  my Great-Grandmother's sisters, Aunt Florence.   Aunt Florence and Grandmother were only a couple of years apart in age, i believe.  It used to trip me out to see them together.   My grandmother was a great educator in the Battle Creek School systems for many years. Most of my Jr High and High school friends had her as a kindergarten teacher. My daughter will be Graduating from College May 4th, exactly a month from today getting her Bachelors in Early childhood education.  she wants to teach kindergarten and will be taking after her great-grand mother Pearl. None of us are at all surprised!!

 My family is well known where I grew up. I call it cheers, because sometimes if definitely feels like everybody knows our name.  It made it difficult to act a fool and get away with anything.

I didn't know my great-aunt Alice well at all, and yet tears well up and spill over just at the loss of knowledge I failed to seek out in her and her siblings. She, I believe was the last to return. She has completed the family in more ways that ever imagined.

My daughter is a jr Genealogist and had a big hand in doing family history. She has reunited and connected quite a few family members. I think as African Americans it is detrimental to the future of our children to reconnect those family members that are lost.  Our African men and women were kidnapped from their native land and brought to another only to be sold off. Our father's were , beaten into submission and treated as ox mules and other work animals.. Our mother's were raped and bred as domestics, wet nurses and baby mills all  for the love of greed and power. Our families were ripped apart, some being snatched up on the middle of the night and sold off as property to pay debts or given as gifts to others.  Imagine your family waking up together, in tact but going to bed at night with missing members never to be seen or heard of again.   I believe our worth and esteem are wrapped up in the generations that have gone on before us. They have suffered, bled and died and paved the way so that we can walk the paths they never had the opportunity to enjoy or indulge in. 

They look behind them through the veil at us and cheer us on moving forward to accomplish those great things to add to the legacy they presented before us. It is for us to look forward in strength and  and perseverance to continue on in their legacy.  Each of us should strive to full the family chain with the links that bind us together through eternities..

My daughter found some families names and gave them to my sister a few (5)  years ago to have them added to the family temple work we do through our church. My sister misplaced the names. and have not been able to find them for years.   Aunt Alice passed away 8 days ago on March 25th. The Morning of March 26th my sister wakes me up by busting into my room announcing she's found the missing names.  I sleepily said to her ... "Oh, that was all Aunt Alice, she found them and let you to them.."  Most of the missing names were those of her direct siblings as well as my grand parents..  It was almost as if she was sayin...."not without me you don't!"  I'm happy to report we will be joining all of her sibling and her to their parents, along with any spouses the siblings may have.  

 I can almost hear them congratulating each other on the fine job  what their family is doing now. Oh how I envy those reunions on the other side of the veil

THE WARFIELD FAMILY (most of them) All on the other side hangin with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

To MyAncestors by Carol Lynn Pearson:

"I wonder-

Did I peek through the veil impatiently,
While you slowly forged the bonds that brought me to mortality?
And do you now stand where I stood
Yesterday,
Your cheeks against Heaven’s curtains
and pray-
Pray fervently for me to forge the bonds,
that bring us to eternity?"

*Link the chain...people. LINK IT!!! And bring the family together again!!

Make ME The Poster Child For SUCCESS!

When you see me you will see a statistic: A black women who grew up in a broken home and a child out of wed lock at the age of 22 and didn't graduate college. I'm a menace to society and strain on the Government. I declare to you and to the world that I am a poster child. A poster child for success. February 2012 has been emotional for me. I do what I do each year during black history month: I think of my ancestors and what they've gone through, I watch the programs they put on TV about famous activist and citizens who left their mark in history: Rosa Park, Martin Luther King, The Delany Sisters. This year I watched the Lena Baker story which devastated me into a PTSD relapse I'm still fighting my way out of. For those don't know the story, Google will provide a history.

It is true I did have a child out of wedlock. I never graduated college and I was on the welfare system for 2 years. Also at one time I held 3 jobs and went to night school all at the same time while maintaining service callings in church. Each time I started to climb the "ladder to success" according to traditional means I got knocked down a rung or two. My plan was not God's plan so I submitted to his.

I went to work. I focused on my daughter's education. I focused on being an available parent and not brushing her education off to JUST the public school systems alone.. I required she pick a sport, and insturment and a language. She excelled. I took the time to be at performances and make sure she was at practices and participate. SHE made sure she was committed and when she wasn't she did it anyway. She couldn't drop out or quit in the middle she had to see it through to the end, not letting down teammates and learning to be true to her commitments.
I focused on her cultivating good friendships,good work ethic and self esteem. I spent time with her. We argued, we yelled, we screamed. I even apologized when I was wrong or when I hurt her. I was tough, I was fun, I WAS MOM. Today at age 44 none of the passed has changed. I am still that statistic you see. I am also that poster child you do not see.

My Daughter is in college at a state university on a scholarship. She did all she was asked in regards to schoolShe had a part time job that has propelled her into a training position. She is doing so well her professors are asking her to present at conferences for others already in the profession she has chosen to go into. They are pleading with her to go to Graduate School. The dean of College tracked her down at her job and offered her a paid internship and a paid apprenticeship to help with Graduate school. She has been offered an internship during the summer for credit towards her senior year of College. Remarkably everything has fallen in place for her from the time I brought her home from the hospital when she was 24 hours old. Because she is successful I, too am successful. I am not alone in my success.

I claim it for my family who took my daughter in during the summers and cared for her while I relished in time for myself. For family members who spend time, money and talent to help me raise a function member of society who can function on her own talents and abilities. I claim it for my church community who placed their hands upon our heads when we were sick, depressed and needed special care. I claim it for The Ballard and Smith Families in Provo, Utah whose home she spent so much time at growing up they truly could have claimed her on their taxes.
I claim it for my Mother and Father who, me being the odd man out, I KNOW were scared for my success in this world. I claim it for my Grandmother who great-granddaughter bares a remarkable striking resemblance of her and what she stands for, who happens to be going into the same profession. I claim it for my Grandma who I bear a remarkable striking resemblance to.
I purchased my own home in October of 2011.
Never in my life did I imagine being a property owner. This month, especially, as I get my new house in order I am overcome with emotion in recognition of the conditions my native American and slave ancestors survived in: Dirt floors, unclean water, no windows, sun up and sundown in the fields, living under the fear of being snatched and sold to another. I am in recognition for those who lost jobs, homes, dignity and were abused because of their participation in marches and boycotts and any behavior to find equality. I claim my success for them. This weekend I painted the last wall in my new home. I burst into tears. I am grateful for those who lost their lives in the hope that this day would come for me and others like me. That I would be successful in anything that crossed my path that I chose to act upon. I feel like my how is all of their homes to and I MUST honor the space I choose to live. Compared to their homes I am in a mansion. And in God's home are many mansions of all size, shapes and accomodations.

I am successful. Not by what I have but by what I do with what I have and I share that success. I share it with all family and friends, I claim it for anyone who I took from and gave to out of need because I want you to know I passed on your kindness to others in hopes to add links to chains of compassion, love and kindness. I claim it for passed, present and future people who have embraced me and mine and who will embrace me and mine. I claim it for me because of you AND I claim it for all of you and YOU DARE NOT DENY ME.

""Our feet cracked open and bled..."

"Our feet cracked open and bled until you could see the whole prints of our feet with blood on the ground."
Jane Elizabeth Manning James bore this testimony as part of her life story.
IF there is one defining moment I have as a Black LDS woman it would be the moment I found out there were Black LDS Pioneers. For years growing up on Pioneer Day or the Sundays where Pioneer day was talked about I would listen to the stories of the great great grand children of those who had relatives who lost their lives or, suffered great hardships walking across the plains to "Zion." I would sit and listen to the stories of how great great Grandpa Hezekiyah or Dear Aunt Levondia Young lost a toe or commanded their half dead ox to "RISE AND BE WHOLE" so it would continue the journey from Nauvoo to SLC. In the back of my mind was that little voice of one of my great-great ancestors saying
"man, what I sho wouldn't give to be free to walk off this plantation and walk across the plains with some pioneers."
The way I saw it, Hell, at least they were free to walk. They were free to stop walking, turn around and walk someplace else too. No matter how hard the trials, they were free.
So Imagine my surprise when I learned there was black LDS pioneers who came across the plains! Black pioneers became almost an obsession with me: Who were they, where did they come from, did they remain faithful, and WHY is this not shared knowledge in the history of the church? I WAS HOPPING MAD when I found out too. Do you know what kind of example and strength this could have been to me while growing up? Well I was gonna make sure I told the story of these pioneers any chance I could.
The first one I ever learned about was a Free Black Woman Named Jane Manning. She joined the church about the age of 19 and shortly after she and her family ( brothers, sister and mama) Set out the join the LDS Saints in Nauvoo, IL. She and her family walked over 800 miles to get there. That's right I Said 800 miles on foot.

"We walked until our shoes were worn out, and our feet became sore and cracked open and bled until you could see the whole print of our feet with blood on the ground. We stopped and united in prayer to the Lord; we asked God the Eternal Father to heal our feet. Our prayers were answered and our feet were healed forthwith."

She arrived in Nauvoo with her family and after all in her family found homes and employment of their own, she stayed in the home of the Prophet Joseph Smith. They employed her and gave her a home later asking her if she wanted to be adopted/sealed to them as one of their children, part of their family, to which she declined.

Through out her years she met and married Issac James and then later traveled from Nauvoo to Salt lake city with her husband and 2 sons in a Pioneer company. Although the journey was long and hard she remained strong and steadfast. Sharing all she could along the way.

Excerpts from the journal of a fellow pioneer woman express the Christlike example Jane was to so many.

From the journal of Eliza Partridge Lyman:

"April 13: Brother Lyman [Eliza’s husband] started on a mission to California with O. P Rockwell and others. May the Lord bless and prosper them and return them in safety. He left us . . . without anything to make bread, it not being in his power to get any.
April 25: Jane James, a colored woman, let me have two pounds of flour, it being about half she had."




To understand the depth of such giving, There were pioneer companies who at some point had to ration meals to four ounces of flour a day.
And there was no "BIGGIE SIZING" it. So to receive 2 lbs of flour was a GREAT sacrifice and blessing. 2 lbs of flour probably saved the life of that family.


Jane Manning James was the first free black woman to live in the Utah Territory. Her daughter Mary Ann was the first black child born in Utah.

I stand amazed at the power and faith she had in knowing she would be blessed and taken care of through all of her trials. To suffer the trials of being a black woman during those times as well as the trial of being a Mormon during those times was a two fold double punch in the gut. However in part of her life story she states:
“Oh how I suffered of cold and hunger,and the keenest of all was to hear my little ones crying for bread, and I had none to give them; but in all, the Lord was with us and gave us grace and faith to stand at all.”
Each time she shared her life story, the trials and tribulations, she never EVER forgot to give props and thanks to the man upstairs for her many blessings.
Her husband left her and her children for 20 years and then returned to her not wanting to die alone. She welcomed him back and took care of him until he passed aways.
Later in life she was interviewed about her life and she shared these words:
“I have seen my husband and all my children but two (of eight) laid away in the silent tomb but the Lord protects me and takes good care of me in my helpless condition.”


The life story of Jane's courage, strength, endurance, and faith is an example to all who read about her.
She ends her life story with the following testimony:
"[My) faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter‑day Saints is as strong today–nay it is, if possible, stronger–than it was the day I was first baptized. I pay my tithes and offerings, keep the Word of Wisdom. I go to bed early and arise early. I try in my feeble way to set a good example to all."
May we all be so "feeble."


A Monument of Jane Elizabeth Manning James was dedicated on June 5, 1999 in the Salt lake cemetery. This work was commissioned by the LDS Genesis Branch. Not only was I front and center at this dedication, Imagine my amazement when I was honored to be the voice of Jane and asked to read her biography at the dedication. What a humble honor I will always hold dear to my heart.



I am nothing like the strength and dedication that Jane Elizabeth Manning James was. I've buckled under less circumstances.
I remember the first time I told my mama about the black Mormon pioneers and how much I hated pioneer day and the story of the pioneers. She let me in on a little secret informing me that I, too was a pioneer. Having been a black LDS member since She and my father were baptized in 1973. 5 1/2 years before my father would be blessed with the Priesthood. There are many who will always turn their back away from the church because of previously practiced traditions and beliefs. The time will come when those will come to me and my siblings and look for those examples of strength and testimony that I look to Jane and many others for. I, too am a pioneer and never new it until the moment my mother informed me of it.
It is important to remember that at some point our whole country was in turmoil over racial prejudices. And those leading the government, churches and many other areas of leadership were products of time and circumstances. The Lord will only allow men to get so far in their own planning before he puts his ultimate plan in place. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is proof positive to me that The Lord Has a plan and he is working it. He knows when the timing is right and he knows when the children of the Earth are ready for it. We must accept progress and move it forward. We must know where we are going BECAUSE we know where we've been. I feel for anyone still holding grudges to those passed mistakes that the Lord has stepped in and correct for I am CERTAIN he is telling us.
"I have righted your wrongs, don't let passed injustices stop your progression. Move forward and make it better for those who walk behind you"

Thank you, Jane, I hope someday you'll look at me and say... "that's my sista, keep on keepin on!"

Well I did it! I Facebooked my Blog!

It was really bound to happen with so many friends and family on Facebook it would just be a matter of time before I needed to combine the two. So if you are on facebook and would like to keep up with me there I would love to have you become a fan of the page! I'll still be here blogging, unless someone can figure out a way for the blog and facebook page to become one or stream into each other. Im not THAT Computer Savvy, I know JUST ENOUGH to get into some trouble ;)

I think this will be an awesome thing for greater discussion and more detailed comments. I hope you'll join me on "THE FACE!" ;)

Welcome to Soul Food Sunday!

(This was from Soul Food Sunday back in April)

It's the first Sunday of the month. In Mormonville across the world it's known as fast Sunday. Fasting is where we sacrifice 2 meals, and don't eat for 24 hours. The money you would have spent on that meal is turned into the church to help those members of the church who are struggling. We also dedicate this time of sacrifice for fervent prayer and meditation to the Lord for special needs we are seeking to have resolved in our lives. It is the one time each month we are asked to have a personal sacrifice for a spiritual blessing. I like to think of it in terms of this....The Lord gives us 7 days. He asks us to put everything aside, worship and remember him and rejuvenate our spirits 1 day out of 7. We usually have 4 Sundays a month. 1 out of 4 of those we are asked to sacrifice and give to the poor. Those are not HUGE sacrifices asked of us. Imagine what the world would be like if it followed this pattern on a regular basis. It's not secret that our Church has one of the best Welfare systems in the world, it's why the Government is constantly taking our state leaders for their cabinets. And there is a stream of city and state governments in and out of Utah looking at how the church sets up it's welfare programs.... How can a church be shipping supplies, foods, clothes etc to disaster victims across the world within 24-48 hours where it takes Red Cross and other national organizations 5-7 days? The system works. It's not based on greed or getting what you can just because you can. It is based on need. You get what you need so others may do the same and you contribute back always.

Another reason Fast Sundays are a big deal is because we go to church for 3 hours.
That's right T H R E E H O U R S! So after fasting for 24 hours and then a 3 hour block of church... U. R HUNGRY!

I'm pretty sure most of Utah Mormonville is having a dinner of Roast beef, funeral potatoes, green be ens, rolls and jello... My house hold is having black food. Not burnt...although that happens sometimes... but soul food. Soul Food Sunday!
I listen to some of the messages from the Black Churches on B.E.T! I put on the Gospel Music XM station and invite The Winans, The Crouches, Mary Mary, Kirk Franklin, Mahalia Jackson and many others to enter and fellowship with Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Saints Voices Unified and a few other LDS Artist.

Dinner will typically be BBQ, Beans and Rice, Fried Chicken or Fish, Greens... NO NOT SALAD GREENS, but collards and mustards and turnip greens. Mac n Cheese or Cheesy grits are regular on the menu. And for sure Cornbread. And we can't forget the Red or Grape kool-ade with way too much sugar and a splash of lemon juice.
Totally makes starving for 24 hours and trying to stay awake for while members step up to the mic and testify of the Lord and the truthfulness of his Gospel that much more worth it!
Now I know some of you are thinking Soul food Sunday sounds like a heart attack on a plate! It certainly would be if this was an everyday menu. These are items I do have through out the month here and there, but not like the indulgence of Soul Food Sunday.
I live in a state where only 5-7% of it is Minority. The rest is pretty Homogenized. When my sister and I moved here we decided to be "pioneers." This place will never learn how to culturally diversify if people of culture and diversity keep leaving. I love that we stayed. I love that sometimes all eyes are on me, because then I can "do my thang." I like breaking the stereotypes and educating people about the black culture and the black history of the United States and even the black history of the church that SO MANY folks are oblivious to. Soul Food Sunday means more to me than Grandma's cooking and a full belly. It's an continuous educational experience for myself and my daughter and it keeps me connected to my family that I'm so far away from. Teaches her how to do the old school cooking and she gets a taste of how things would be if she visited Grandma's house or Aunty's house. I like when I came home from Church today that the house smelled like Grandma's house... Greens and Red beans... mmm mmm mmm! I highly recommend everyone encorporating on a regular basis some sort of cultural event with your family each month. Even if it is just cooking foods from your native origins.
PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE FOOD!

Mo Black LDS History

Elder Elijah Abel




Meet Elder Elijah Abel. Elder Elijah was one of the first black man to recieve the priesthood of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He was also what we call a General Authority,ordained as a Seventy and was very close with the Prophet Joseph Smith and his family.
In his patriarchal blessing, given to him by the Patriarch Joseph Smith Sr. He was told he would be a welding link between the black and the white, the past and the future. His posterity was blessed to not be witheld the priesthood. He had a son and a Grandson ordained to the Priesthood in the early 1900's.

He served missions in Canada twice, Ohio, New York and other Eastern United States.


Elijah Abel stayed a faithful member of the Church until the day he died. When I personally think of the hardships of the saints, particularly the black saints I get angered by those who are easily offended because they're released from a calling they like, or someone didn't really like or agree with how a lesson was presented, or they didn't get called to a position they felt they were worthy and deserving of.
There were members of the church who wanted 10, 12, 15 years to be baptized and to have the blessings of the temple and waited. And although they were unable to have all the blessings at the time, they remained worthy of them. I value and honor their committment and dedication. Some people's committment is as strong as an enjoyable calling. Or a strong as the 11:00 am time block. We could really learn faith, endurance, and the true meaning of being a member of the church from the black saints. I love how they knew the gospel, and didn't let the things "unrelated" to their salvation get in their way.
I guess they didn't let religion get in the way of their salvation.

I'm pleased at their example. They not only went through all the persecution of the early pioneer saints,they did it always with the fear of being returned to slavery. Add the pioneer persecution with the ethnic/race persecution. And yet they remained strong. They stayed. They paved the way. I would face them with shame if I quit because of some minute infraction that doesn't even matter in the long run.
I thank God for their example and strength.

Welcome To Black History Month

I was a member for years before I knew about Black LDS Pioneers. When I learned about them so many emotions came rushing forth. I was upset their history was so hidden and unknown from us as members and non members. So for February I would like to share some of the History of our Black LDS Pioneers. I know it strengthens me to hear their stories and reminds me that as always, somebody paved the way. No matter how difficult I may think it is putting up with crap that shouldn't have to be delt with, someone else paved the way so my wade through the crap isn't as deep as it could be.

I'm going to Introduce you to 3 fine men:
Green Flake
Oscar Crosby
Hark Lay

Green Flake:
Green Flake was born in Anson County, North Carolina, ca. 1828. In 1841 he traveled with his owners, James Madison and Agnes Love Flake, to Kemper County, Mississippi, where the family cleared land for a farm. During the winter of 1843-44 Madison, as he was called, and Agnes were baptized as members of the Mormon church and so was their servant Green. When the Flakes decided to join the main body of the church in Nauvoo, Green accompanied them. For a time he served as a bodyguard for Joseph Smith.



Oscar Crosby:

Oscar Crosby, was the older brother of Hark Lay but was owned by William Crosby, a wealthy landowner in Mississippi. Oscar was baptized a Mormon shortly after arriving in the Salt Lake Valley in 1847. He also built a house for his master's family in Holiday. When William Crosby's family was asked to settle San Bernardino, Oscar went along. California did not permit slavery and Oscar was given his freedom. Oscar did not return to Utah in 1857 with the other Mormons at the outbreak of the Utah War.


Hark Lay:
Hark Lay, was a black slave who traveled from Mississippi with John Brown to Winter Quarters to assist the "Pioneer" company, in 1847. (John Brown had guided the Mississippi Saints to Ft. Laramie and Pueblo, Colorado, in 1846. Returning to Mississippi to collect his family, he was asked to go to Winter Quarters and help the Pioneer company. He took 4 Blacks with him, two of whom died before reaching Winter Quarters.) John Brown had baptized Hark's owner, William Lay. Hark stayed in Salt Lake City that first winter and built a log house for the Lay family to occupy when they came in 1848. He was given his freedom. He never joined the Mormon faith. He married and settled in the small settlement of Union (Salt Lake Valley).


Brigham Young organized the pioneer company in the spring of 1847
As he and this company set out in search of "Zion" or a place far away in the west, Brigham Young became ill. As they were nearing the current Wyoming/Utah border an advances scout party was sent to go ahead of the ailing Brigham Young. Green Flake--as well as Hark Lay and Oscar Crosby--joined that advance party. Their goal was to find the easiest way for the main company of wagons to travel.

This company traveled down Echo Canyon, around Little Mountain, and through Emigration Canyon. They used shovels, axes, and other tools to create a passable road for the main body of wagons to follow. They were the first Wagon train to discover the Salt Lake Valley.

In the middle of Temple Square there is a Brigham Young Monument



On the back of this is a listing of all the names of those in that first pioneer company to come into the Salt Lake Valley. On the south plaque you would read the following: In Honor of Brigham Young and the Pioneers
On the North Plaque you would read: NAMES OF THE PIONEERS WHO ARRIVED IN THIS VALLEY, JULY 24, 1847. * SIGNIFIES THOSE NOW LIVING, THE UNMARKED ONES ARE ALL DECEASED.
It would then go on to list: The entire company and outfit consisting of of 143 men, 3 women, 2 children, 70 wagons, 1 boat, 1 cannon, 93 horses, 52 mules, 66 oxen, 19 cows.
Among the 143 men in a seperate section you would see the following: " (Colored Servants)*Green Flake *Green Flake (colored servants) William Carter Hark Lay Franklin Losee Oscar Crosby Datus William Carter Hark Lay Franklin Losee Oscar Crosby Datus "


Green and Martha Flake were active members of the LDS ward in Union. In addition to tithing, he made donations to building funds for the Union Ward and the Salt Lake Temple. He was a good neighbor by all accounts, extending a helping hand without being asked. He was also noted for his fine singing voice. Some accounts claim that Green maintained the friendly relationship with Brigham Young that began on the overland trek and that when the pioneer leader died in 1877 Green helped to dig his grave.

Although children of African American descent could and did attend school alongside whites in Utah, territorial law prohibited blacks from voting and from serving on juries and in the legislature until the "free, white" qualification was deleted on February 5, 1868. The 1870 census shows four black children attending school in Union. Some half-dozen black families lived in the area, and Green Flake seems to have been the leading figure among them.

Sometime after his wife's death in 1885, Green moved to Idaho to live with his son Abraham, until his own death on October 20, 1903. Both Martha and Green Flake are buried in the Union Cemetery.**

Oscar Crosby, born in Virginia ca. 1815, left Utah in the early 1850s with William Crosby, his owner, who was headed for the Mormon settlement at San Bernardino, California. Since California was a free state, Oscar could have claimed his freedom upon arrival there. He died in Los Angeles in 1870.**

Hark Lay, the slave of William Lay, lived in Salt Lake Valley for many years and was married to a slave owned by either George or John Bankhead. William Lay was planning to move to San Bernardino and did not have the funds to purchase Hark's wife. He attempted to find other solutions to the problem, but the record is unclear as to whether or not the couple were able to avoid separation.**

It's kind of funny how some of the very first inhabitants of Utah were black and there's such a poor showing of that now. Although it's so much better than it was 20 years ago. I can remember going into the stores and requesting certain hair care products and foods. Now with the ever increasing ethnic population of Utah it's just as easy to find most of what I want and need as it would be in my home town in Michigan.
When I first got to Utah I really didn't care for "Pioneer Day" or the statehood celebration of the pioneer history. People would go on and on about it and would be tracing their ancestors back to crossing over on some boat from England or Norway or whatever and making the trek into the Salt Lake Valley. My reaction to them would be
"Hell, at least they were free to walk. They were free to walk over, through or around whatever plantation or land they wanted without being hunted, chased, whipped or hanged for it. My ancestors, not so lucky"

(excuse my Golden J Kimball moment ;)

Of course if you know the history of LDS pioneers and the persecution they suffered, it could somewhat parallel that of the slaves. Persecution is persecution, period. no matter if you are being attacked for race, gender, religion, social, economical, physical bias. Persecution destroys not only people but US as a society.

I was sharing these thoughts with my mom about 10 years ago and she said...
"how is it that you can be so cold hearted against the pioneers when you are a pioneer?"
I didn't know what she meant. She went on to explain that
"in the latter days not too many black folks who were members of the church before 1978 will be around."
Our family joined in 1973 when I was 5 years old. Having been a member, a black member that long, and living the history before the Priesthood was restored to black men. (and yes I said Restored because there are those who were granted it back in our LDS history.)
"You are paving the way for your family and all you come in contact with in the church. There will be those who look to you for strength, courage, faith and endurance. You, my dear, are a Pioneer. A Black Mormon Pioneer."
I wasn't interested in that title and repsonsibility at the time but I gladly accept it and appreciste it now. I am a Pioneer. If you think about the generations to come that will be reading about your lives and history and the choices you've made you, too, are pioneers. I just happen to be a Black
LDS Pioneer. :)

Ethnic Children in Utah and the LDS Church.

I've lived in Utah for 18 years. When I first got here, there were hardly any black hair or skin care products, toys, books and so on. For me it was understandable because there just weren't really that many black people living here. Which is why most black people or people of any other ethnicity besides white, don't stay. My sister and I we decided to stay. There must be Pioneering in all aspect of growth. We decided to take it on. If people of different cultures and ethnicity keep leaving Utah, it will never really grow in terms of being a Diverse place.

When my daughter was about 9 she asked me why there were no pictures of any black people on the walls of our home. I was stunned. It made me realize that most of us aren't aware of our children's need to be able to identify thermselves with the world around them.
On our walls were pictures of Christ, a white girl sitting at the knee of Jesus, a white boy just baptized, a white family in front of the temple, the first presidency... you get the point. The portraits are beautiful and positive. But she was trying to identify with how she fits in.

I took a good look around at my apartment. She had fun toys and books and dolls she played with. They were all white. Nothing wrong with that, but culturally, there was something wrong with that. My family it multi Cultural. My stepmom and 4 step siblings and their kids, white. My Dad's brother married a filipeno woman 3 decades ago so their kids are bi-racial. My Brother's first wife was black and french creole, her people were from Louisiana, so their they're bi-racial as well. My Great-Great Grandmother was full blooded Indian, another, great grandmother half black, half white, another, half black half indian.... you get the picture.
I made some choices and decided my home atmosphere should reflect my family. And I needed to find a way to incorporate that with Gospel Principles. Not easy to do in Utah.
I purchased a calendar depicting black art and framed some of the pictures. On a trip to Vegas I found some black greeting cards and framed them as well.
I made come conscious efforts to purchase black dolls, books, videos, even christmas ornaments and decorations. I think one of the most difficult things for me to find in Utah were black dolls that weren't dressed like aunt Jemima or slave looking servants. There were beautiful porclean dolls and barbies and baby dolls in beautiful lace dresses. They were all pretty much white dolls.
I soon began to learn how these things can effect the self esteem of a child. How must if feel to see dolls and toys reflecting your face as servants, or slaves while dolls of other races hand on lacey dresses and hats, or native costume in bright colors and cool accesories. Yeah, I was getting to see things from her point of view.

As the "eternal youth advisor/young women's president" I began to learn what kind of effects these things have on the youth of the church, especially the ethnic youth of the church. I've heard them call each other the racial slurs and the ethnically inappropriate jokes. We need to surround out kids with the positive and beauty of all culturals and diversities.

It's important to children to be able to identify with the world around them. To know there are people and things just like them. It helps to build confidence and and more importantly self esteem.
Although nationally it's easier finding ethnic toys and books, it can still be difficult. I've become part of an affiliation that have ethnic toys, books and dolls of all races: Asian, Bi-racial, black, latin, native american, Pacific Island and yes, white.
So take a look at the website.
I'm also going to have a permanent link to it on this webpage (on the right hand side under the heading JUST LIKE ME.) It is also a perfect website for gift giving. If nothing else, poke around the website.

Every child wants to be able to see and hear things that are "JUST LIKE ME"To see the variety of toys/dolls available for girls and boys of all ethnicity:Click here to browse