I believe that quote with all my heart. If I didn't believe it I'm sure I'd be in an state hospital some place.
The last 7 days have been some of the toughest I've experienced ever and I've had some pretty tough experiences.
Without going into too much detail I'll get to it.
About eleven years ago I experienced a situation that had a profound effect on me. For the most part i dealt with it in generally a quick manner and put it behind me. Last Friday a sort of recurrence of that situation happened. I spent last Saturday in an emergency crisis center. I don't remember too much of Saturday or even Sunday for that matter. But I remember a bunch of big words and Initials being thrown around that I couldn't grasp.
I have since learned the words Post traumatic Stress Disorder aka PTSD is what they were saying and I was suffering from it and shock. For those of you who don't know, Post traumatic stress disorder is comparable to what war vets experience as "shell shock" or "flash backs." It's as if although they're living in today but their memory treats it as if they are still in the moments of the trauma, and they are experiencing it as if time stood and they are in the midst of it.
No one, I don't care who you are or how strong you think you are, likes to hear they have some sort of disorder or dysfunction. My moment of truth was in the midst of my hysterics I was so physically weak and out of it, I can remember laying down in some one's lap or in some one's arms and simply not having the physical strength to sit up and not remembering who was around me or how I got there. I KNEW I NEEDED HELP, there was no doubts and no denying it.
I never thought PTSD would or could be associated with me. For eleven years I stuffed down the fear, anger shock and all else that came with situation thinking I was putting it behind me.
Much of the weekend is a blur. Within the weekend there were moments of darkness, loneliness, fear, pain, and confusion. I'm still having trouble "connecting all the dots" so to speak. I even suffered a little set back yesterday reminding me to slow down and take it easy so I can properly heal from the trauma. And that's what I'm doing.
What I'm drawn to most over the weekend and this week as well is the overwhelming support of family, friends and loved ones.
I have felt the love, the strength and the support. Although I may never get last weekend back into my memory, I have felt deep inside of me being carried by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
About 13 years ago I was under a dark cloud. I received a beautiful blessing from my home teacher at the time and I will never forget the words: 'Those who are close to you are being protected and guarded by your angels for your benefit." At the time I wasn't sure what that meant. But before the end of the day one of my close friends who was actually out of town on business called me twice that evening. The first time she called she said she was out of town and just felt like she wanted to call and say "hi." The second time she called on the break from her business meeting and said she didn't know why she needed to call and didn't' care why, but she felt so strongly she needed to check up on my and just let me know she loved me and I was in her prayers. I realized what the line in that blessing meant.
I experienced much of that this last week. I heard from several friends who had no knowledge of what I was experiencing. Just "out of the blue" (if you believe in out of the blue ;) many of them simply said
"You're in my prayers, I'm thinking of you, just wanted you to know that"
I had a conversation a while ago with one of my friends who told just in passing,
"hey I was thinking of you the other day..."
and I said..
"why didn't you let me know at the time, I probably needed to hear it then at the time."
And then i said..
"why do we do that? When people are on our minds we either ignore it or tell them after the fact instead when it happens which is probably when they needed to know the most."
He was one of those I heard from this week, he said since that conversation he's decided to let people know when he's thinking of them. I so appreciate him and his following those promptings.
So to all of you who followed those promptings, there is not enough thanks in my heart to express how much it meant hearing from you during this time.
There are times in our lives when we experience trauma and heartache. Most of us don't get the counseling we need in situations such as this because we feel strong and brave and don't want to think there's something wrong with us, or our thinking. That stuff may go away, for a while but it never disappears. It will surface if not properly dealt with. What's frightening is that we cannot choose the time or circumstances under when it will surface again. Don't be afraid or too proud to get counseling or help if you need it. Even if you don't think you need it, it doesn't hurt to talk to someone, get your thoughts and feelings out. Your bishop, pastor, priest, minister or whomever is a good resource to start with. LDS Social Services will also accept anyone, you don't have to be a church member to use this resource.
I'm not sure how long this road is I've got to walk. I am walking it willingly. I'm walking it thoroughly. And I'm not walking it alone, which is so comforting. I can feel many of you walking it with me, holding me up when I'm to weak to hold myself up. In the midst of my confusion on Saturday I was given a blessing. I don't remember much of it, but I do remember afterwards there were arms around me holding me together so I would not fall apart. And then away I was whisked to the trauma crisis center.
Sometimes I laugh most of the day and sometimes I cry most of the day. I've been sleeping ALOT, it feels like more than I've ever slept before. Which isn't a bad thing. lol
My therapist is awesome. I get to reinforce comfort, security and happiness with all my favorite foods, movies, music, and things to do like shopping, drawing, writing and Raggedy Ann and Andy. (Raggedy Ann and Andy were my favorite FAVORITE thing in childhood. I'm surrounded by 5 of them now :). There is no such thing as TOO MANY RAGGEDY ANNs or ANDYs!
Anyway, the shock is wearing off. I'm slowing connecting the dots from the weekend and there are days I'm all me and days I'm a zombie.
But I keep saying a couple things over and over in my head when I feel that anxiety coming on:
'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
"If God brings you to it, he will lead you through it."
I'm A Trip, Trust Me On This!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
The LDS Genesis Group & THE 30 Year Commemorations
FIRST: Some back ground history of the LDS Genesis group can be found here:
History of Genesis
On June 8, 1971, exactly seven years before President Spencer W. Kimball received a revelation extending the priesthood to "all worthy males," modern Church history was made as Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, Elder Thomas S. Monson, and Elder Boyd K. Packer (then junior apostles) met with three Black Latter-day Saints—Ruffin Bridgeforth, Darius Gray, and Eugene Orr—to discuss how the Church might better support its members of African descent. These six men worked together weekly until The Genesis Group was established as an auxiliary unit of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. To continue to know more about Genesis just follow the link http://www.ldsgenesisgroup.org/history.htm
So for those of you out there who "assume" it's some African American/black renegade rebellious group of the church... WRONG!
I started going to Genesis 10 years ago. My first meeting was actually the 20Th commemoration.
The reason I started going was because one day, my daughter asked me... "mommy, why don't we have pictures of black people in the house except for us and family?"
I thought it was a good question. What we DID have was various LDS portraits: A white child at the knee of Jesus Christ. A white man in the arms of Christ, A group of white girls surrounding Christ..... White people mourning his death, White people praising his Resurrection...
Notice a pattern? Yeah, apparently she did also. She was the age of 8. She was simply looking for a way that she, a black child can identify with not just Jesus Christ, but also the church.
Hmmmmmm, what's a black mama to do?
I know you're curious to know what THIS black mama did, huh?
I did a month long "likening" program with her. We turned to the scriptures, and I read the description of the resurrected:
Revelations 1:14 His hairs were white like wool....his eyes were as a flame of fire.
From that she made he determination that the long haired blue eyed pictures were probably not a true image, but just what the artist was interpreting. She also said that since we were to liken ourselves unto him, that people painted him a little differently.
She really liked the part about the wool. She determined that probably meant a little nappy just like hers. So she was ok with that as well.
Next I made some art with ethnic people. I had alot of it around it was just in disguise. I already had greeting cards and such that I put in 5x7 frames and hung on the walls. I found a painted picture of an elderly woman reading a bible that reminded me of my mom and grand mom so I cut it size 8x10 and hung that up. Then I started creating some of my own thank you cards and little sketches and drawing just for our benefit. I did the Young women values with drawings of girls in french braided corn rows and afro puffs in their hair. My purpose was not in trying to make the church a black church.... because a church is just a building. MY purpose was to show her that the GOSPEL pertains to all people, no matter the size of their body, the color of their skin or the country they were born in.
We did some activities for Family Home Evening such at tie dyed t-shirts and talked about how the different colors on the shirt made a beautiful pattern on the shirt, just like all the colors of God's children on the earth make the earth beautiful. We also tried foods from different countries we'd never tried before and that was really fun. We spent the whole month doing those kinds of things and it was fun. Better than that, she had an understand that although some people might portrait Jesus Christ as some blue eye's long hair white dude who loved all, its not so much what he looked like, it's what he lived by and taught. I asked her if she with the pictures we had. She say "yeah mom, because it doesnt matter to me what he looks like. He loves me no matter what he looks like."
Outta the mouths of babe's yeah?
That was 10 years ago. Since then I've become an active part of the Genesis group. I was the first Young Women's president. From their I went to Activity Chair and now I am currently the Program Director.
This calling would entail me with the help of so many others finding speaking to present the firesides on the first Sunday of each month. I'll tell you I started stressing and planning this thing a year ago. The original plan was to hold the meeting not the first Sunday but the actual date of the 1978 Proclamation, how cool would THAT be? And I would have some of our Black LDS artist solo and bear testimony. I would have 1 of the original members of the Genesis Presidency speak and show the footage of themselves along with Elders Packer, Oaks, and Hinckley who set them apart and organized the Genesis Branch. I wanted a black woman to speak from the Pulpit of the Tabernacle on her views of how the Revelation, preferably a pre 1978 member who back in the day before and is still active today.
I wanted to fill the sounds of the air with some good ol' gospel music. It was going to be the celebration of CELEBRATIONS.
That was the plan. Well as we came into this year things in my life started to twist and turn and get complicated and busy and stressed. The more I planned my meeting the more things fell apart.
AND THEN, I got the call from the branch Presidency that said... "well the Church Public Relations would like to do a World Wide Celebration Broadcast..." PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!
Let me tell ya why:
I got engaged roughly around March that ALONE is stress and shock. This program was planned for June 8th. My daughter would be graduating high school May 28th and all the family would be in town. And then the Annual Genesis summer family picnic a week later so my mind was SWIRLING!
We then went into negotiations about the broadcast. They game a proposal, we gave suggestions and amendments, they gave alternate suggestions and amendments and the final agreement is what you were able to see as the broadcast.
I was very insist ant on having a black female speak. If I had to push my mama on the stand or do it myself.... (which actually was part of the original program....*whew*)
I was please with how the broadcast went in some ways and a little indifferent in others.
My biggest concern was them wanting to do a world wide broadcast with conservative homogenized faces and performances which, in my mind, would defeat the purpose to those who have misconceptions about our church.
I like the multicultural choir. It would have been nice to hear other solo est. I love the solo est chosen, he's a person friend of mine and he did a FABULOUS job. The choirs were from R.O.C director Mike Campbell, Divine Heritage directed by, And LDS Genesis Choir Director Lyn Dudley, (yes she is my sister!) Lyn work with the Motab director in assembling the choirs. It would have been nice to hear an ethnic song of praise from the choirs as well as our beautiful hymns. I was THRILLED to have the speakers we had! President Parker... HE IS THE MAN! I spoke with him after the service and he instructed me to find his son at BYU, get him to Genesis each month and give him a calling! Done deal President Parker. We'll be hearing from him in our regular Genesis meeting in the next year. Those of you who heard him speak, can you believe was the first talk he's ever written? I enjoyed all the speaker. Still would have liked to have heard from t hose who were members before the proclamation and how it changed their lives and their testimonies now.
I enjoy it. I was thrilled the church came in and did this meeting, they could certainly do it on a larger and better capacity than I ever could have. For the most part, it went better than I thought. (that's speaking from the planning and stressful side of things )
I'm grateful it was even Acknowledged by the church. A little sad it wasn't acknowledged in the different wards. I dare say in most wards the date came and went without even a mention.
The broadcast was conservative in true LDS fashion but I think it went over well for the most part.
We've come a long way but there's still a long way to go.
"we ain't where we were but we sho ain't where we could be..."
We've come along way from looking for black LDS art to having black stake presidents speak in the tabernacle.
Hurray for progress!
History of Genesis
On June 8, 1971, exactly seven years before President Spencer W. Kimball received a revelation extending the priesthood to "all worthy males," modern Church history was made as Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, Elder Thomas S. Monson, and Elder Boyd K. Packer (then junior apostles) met with three Black Latter-day Saints—Ruffin Bridgeforth, Darius Gray, and Eugene Orr—to discuss how the Church might better support its members of African descent. These six men worked together weekly until The Genesis Group was established as an auxiliary unit of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. To continue to know more about Genesis just follow the link http://www.ldsgenesisgroup.org/history.htm
So for those of you out there who "assume" it's some African American/black renegade rebellious group of the church... WRONG!
I started going to Genesis 10 years ago. My first meeting was actually the 20Th commemoration.
The reason I started going was because one day, my daughter asked me... "mommy, why don't we have pictures of black people in the house except for us and family?"
I thought it was a good question. What we DID have was various LDS portraits: A white child at the knee of Jesus Christ. A white man in the arms of Christ, A group of white girls surrounding Christ..... White people mourning his death, White people praising his Resurrection...
Notice a pattern? Yeah, apparently she did also. She was the age of 8. She was simply looking for a way that she, a black child can identify with not just Jesus Christ, but also the church.
Hmmmmmm, what's a black mama to do?
I know you're curious to know what THIS black mama did, huh?
I did a month long "likening" program with her. We turned to the scriptures, and I read the description of the resurrected:
Revelations 1:14 His hairs were white like wool....his eyes were as a flame of fire.
From that she made he determination that the long haired blue eyed pictures were probably not a true image, but just what the artist was interpreting. She also said that since we were to liken ourselves unto him, that people painted him a little differently.
She really liked the part about the wool. She determined that probably meant a little nappy just like hers. So she was ok with that as well.
Next I made some art with ethnic people. I had alot of it around it was just in disguise. I already had greeting cards and such that I put in 5x7 frames and hung on the walls. I found a painted picture of an elderly woman reading a bible that reminded me of my mom and grand mom so I cut it size 8x10 and hung that up. Then I started creating some of my own thank you cards and little sketches and drawing just for our benefit. I did the Young women values with drawings of girls in french braided corn rows and afro puffs in their hair. My purpose was not in trying to make the church a black church.... because a church is just a building. MY purpose was to show her that the GOSPEL pertains to all people, no matter the size of their body, the color of their skin or the country they were born in.
We did some activities for Family Home Evening such at tie dyed t-shirts and talked about how the different colors on the shirt made a beautiful pattern on the shirt, just like all the colors of God's children on the earth make the earth beautiful. We also tried foods from different countries we'd never tried before and that was really fun. We spent the whole month doing those kinds of things and it was fun. Better than that, she had an understand that although some people might portrait Jesus Christ as some blue eye's long hair white dude who loved all, its not so much what he looked like, it's what he lived by and taught. I asked her if she with the pictures we had. She say "yeah mom, because it doesnt matter to me what he looks like. He loves me no matter what he looks like."
Outta the mouths of babe's yeah?
That was 10 years ago. Since then I've become an active part of the Genesis group. I was the first Young Women's president. From their I went to Activity Chair and now I am currently the Program Director.
This calling would entail me with the help of so many others finding speaking to present the firesides on the first Sunday of each month. I'll tell you I started stressing and planning this thing a year ago. The original plan was to hold the meeting not the first Sunday but the actual date of the 1978 Proclamation, how cool would THAT be? And I would have some of our Black LDS artist solo and bear testimony. I would have 1 of the original members of the Genesis Presidency speak and show the footage of themselves along with Elders Packer, Oaks, and Hinckley who set them apart and organized the Genesis Branch. I wanted a black woman to speak from the Pulpit of the Tabernacle on her views of how the Revelation, preferably a pre 1978 member who back in the day before and is still active today.
I wanted to fill the sounds of the air with some good ol' gospel music. It was going to be the celebration of CELEBRATIONS.
That was the plan. Well as we came into this year things in my life started to twist and turn and get complicated and busy and stressed. The more I planned my meeting the more things fell apart.
AND THEN, I got the call from the branch Presidency that said... "well the Church Public Relations would like to do a World Wide Celebration Broadcast..." PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!
Let me tell ya why:
I got engaged roughly around March that ALONE is stress and shock. This program was planned for June 8th. My daughter would be graduating high school May 28th and all the family would be in town. And then the Annual Genesis summer family picnic a week later so my mind was SWIRLING!
We then went into negotiations about the broadcast. They game a proposal, we gave suggestions and amendments, they gave alternate suggestions and amendments and the final agreement is what you were able to see as the broadcast.
I was very insist ant on having a black female speak. If I had to push my mama on the stand or do it myself.... (which actually was part of the original program....*whew*)
I was please with how the broadcast went in some ways and a little indifferent in others.
My biggest concern was them wanting to do a world wide broadcast with conservative homogenized faces and performances which, in my mind, would defeat the purpose to those who have misconceptions about our church.
I like the multicultural choir. It would have been nice to hear other solo est. I love the solo est chosen, he's a person friend of mine and he did a FABULOUS job. The choirs were from R.O.C director Mike Campbell, Divine Heritage directed by, And LDS Genesis Choir Director Lyn Dudley, (yes she is my sister!) Lyn work with the Motab director in assembling the choirs. It would have been nice to hear an ethnic song of praise from the choirs as well as our beautiful hymns. I was THRILLED to have the speakers we had! President Parker... HE IS THE MAN! I spoke with him after the service and he instructed me to find his son at BYU, get him to Genesis each month and give him a calling! Done deal President Parker. We'll be hearing from him in our regular Genesis meeting in the next year. Those of you who heard him speak, can you believe was the first talk he's ever written? I enjoyed all the speaker. Still would have liked to have heard from t hose who were members before the proclamation and how it changed their lives and their testimonies now.
I enjoy it. I was thrilled the church came in and did this meeting, they could certainly do it on a larger and better capacity than I ever could have. For the most part, it went better than I thought. (that's speaking from the planning and stressful side of things )
I'm grateful it was even Acknowledged by the church. A little sad it wasn't acknowledged in the different wards. I dare say in most wards the date came and went without even a mention.
The broadcast was conservative in true LDS fashion but I think it went over well for the most part.
We've come a long way but there's still a long way to go.
"we ain't where we were but we sho ain't where we could be..."
We've come along way from looking for black LDS art to having black stake presidents speak in the tabernacle.
Hurray for progress!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
How Can ANY Black Person Be LDS or Live in Utah?
Once again that was the question. "How can you be a black Mormon?" And it's usually followed by something like.... "they have really brain washed you, I'ma pray for you."
*SIGH*
My thinking is.... "here we go again."
It's quite interesting when black people visiting Utah run into me or my sister. I'm not sure what happened on THIS particular day, but I was already in a bad mood. I should have worn a t-shirt that said... "Don't start no stuff, won't be no stuff."
Anyway, I'm walking out of the grocery store and 2 women approach me.... "hey, do you live here?" They asked
"Yup, I sure do!" I answered, bracing myself.
"WHY? And where are all the Black People?" they said.
"They're in Ogden" I snickered out loud.
"You a Mormon?" was the next question
"YES! Yes I am....!" I said loud and emphatically.
Already knowing what the next question was going to be, I waited for it...
"I never heard of black Mormon's before you must be the only one. How can ANY black person be a latter day saint?" was the question
"Well what do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb.
"Y'all can't even get into their temples. And you can't even marry someone of a different color and be part of that church. They teach that black people don't go to heaven and can't be preachers or ministers in that church. Girl they got you brain washed, I'ma pray for you."
Now when these moments come up, I have a few choices.
I can get pissed off and battle with them and their ignorance.
I can smile and thank them for informing me.
I can take the opportunity to educate and dispel any myths
Or I can simply turn away, ignore them and go on about my business.
*sigh* If you know me, ya know what I did don't you?
I've been in Utah almost 18 years. EIGHTEEN LONG YEARS!
When I was pregnant with my daughter I went to California to live with my brother and sister-in-law. After living with them a year I knew I couldn't stay there forever and it was time for me to step up and find a life for me and my daughter.
I called my mom in Battle Creek Michigan and told her I was coming home.
"NO, you're not!" was her answer. I was baffled, what did she mean I wasn't coming home?
They say you can ALWAYS go home.
"baby, you are not supposed to be here. If you were supposed to be here I'd let you come home, but this is not where the Lord wants you to be."
"Where am I supposed to go?" I cried.
"you need to get on your knees and talk to your Heavenly Father and find out." She said.
She was right. Sometimes when things get tough the first thing we do is run home for shelter and safety and comfort and we get stuck there because of the familiarity of it all.
To say the least, I was really shaken up by that conversation. I was welcomed to stay with my brother and sister-in-law. But staying their didn't feel right either.
So for about a week I contemplated places to go. I know where I didn't want to go. My sister was in Utah and I had already lived their for a summer and in Idaho for 2 years. I also lived in New Jersey for a bit and I loved it out East.
So I put myself in motion to possibly move out East. As I was planning to go out East a Gnawing feeling kept creeping into my mind... "yewtaw" I would quickly brush it away and continue to make my plans.
You know where this is headed, dontcha? The more I planned for out East the louder the "UTAH" voice was in my head.
Man I didn't want to go to Utah. I was JUST there. I had fun and all, but I was ready for another experience.
*sigh* Finally I did just as my mother directed: got down on my knees and prayed. I knew before I prayed I was going to Utah. But the answer I rec'd through prayer gave me the faith and courage to follow the direction I received. It was so CRYSTAL CLEAR:
"Go and raise your daughter. You will be well cared for. You will be successful. You will teach the youth the beauty of cultural diversity and brotherhood. You will be a pioneer for those who don't understand. You will help pave the way to knowledge and enlightenment."
When I left California, I had enough rent for 1 month and enough food and diapers for my baby daughter for 2 weeks. I packed my clothes, her clothes and stroller and went to Utah. My sister had found me an apartment with a roommate who wouldn't mind a struggling single mother living with her.
I flew in late on a Friday night. I started putting in Job applications on Monday, was hired as a hostess in a restaurant on Wednesday and started working a week after I arrived. I believe Heavenly Father had this in the works before I even arrived. By obedience I was blessed every step of the way. He put situations in my life letting me know that the choices I made were right choices.
Back to the grocery store parking lot:
" How can ANY black person be a latter day saint?"
I tried to divert the question by asking them where they were from.
"Atlanta."
"Atlanta????? " I asked in horror.
"How can any black person live in the south? I mean with all the bigotry still going on and didn't they have slaves down south? I don't get how anyone can know black history and still choose to live in the south?"
They looked at each other like I spoke in Japanese or something, then at me like a horn popped outta my forehead.
I "axed" them again... " HOW can any black person knowing the history of slavery live in the south?? WHY would they want to??"
I broke into a smile, because I knew I had them thinking. I explained to them the misinformation they had about blacks not being able to go into the temples or minster or marry a different culture. I had been endowed since 1993 meaning I had been through and in the temple MANY times. Many of my friends are members who serve as High Priest, bless, administer, deliver sermons across the pulpit, preach, lay hands on and pray over and do everything there is in the church to do. INCLUDING my father and brothers. I also showed a picture of my father and step-mother (who is white) and informed them they were indeed married in the SLC temple.
They were taken by surprise. "Well, what about black men and the priesthood? They couldn't even have it until 1978."
That's true I told them. I told them the history of other churches who had discriminatory traditions. I called them traditions because I don't believe them to be doctrine.
I told them, you don't hear about how the other churches stopped practicing their discriminatory traditions because they didn't proclaim it to the world. LDS Church made a WORLD WIDE announcement proclaiming EVERY worthy male regardless of color or race was invited to come and receive the priesthood which we believe is the power on earth to act in behalf of God. Knowing this would most likely single them out as a racist religion, they went forth and let the world know. Which was the right thing to do, to proclaim to the world, and not on the down low as if to hide some dirty little secret.
I also invited them to think about the history of the United state even know there is still much discrimination. It's not as bad as it was HOWEVER, perhaps we needed to wait for the people of the world to accept blacks as equals so the work of the Lord could go forth. For EVERYTHING there is a season....and the Lord knows that season when we do not.
My point in bringin' up bein' black and living in the south was... Slavery was a long time ago. Conditions are not as they were. The world is a different place. We as a black people have come along way is ALL aspects of life, even religion. You don't base where you live on the passed history, but on the progression of moving forward and how you are able to successfully live your life.
I don't base my religion on it's passed traditions that no longer exist. I base them on the blessings I receive and the success, happiness and peace it brings my family. I base it on the knowledge I have of truth and righteousness it brings to me and my family. I base it in KNOWING the doctrine studying the Scriptures and a feeling of confirmation that I've received time and time again when asked in knowing what is true and what isn't true. A confirmation that only comes by studying and prayer, ASKING GOD THE FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST for a testimony of truth.
After about a 2 hour conversation in a Utah grocery store parking lot with 2 of my Sistahs from Georgia I remember that portion of the answer I rec'd to my prayer almost 20 years ago:
"You will teach the youth the beauty of cultural diversity and brotherhood. You will be a pioneer for those who don't understand. You will help pave the way to knowledge and enlightenment."
This is why I'm here, in Utah. It is why my sister and I chose to stay in Utah. If black folks keep moving out of Utah because there's a lack of diversity and an intolerable ignorance about it, then Utah will never diversify and will always be in a state of ignorance toward other races and cultures.
It is one of the things I've been called to do. And there is great peace and joy in knowing what you've been called to do and having the ability to do it.
If you don't feel you are where you should be, I challenge you to speak to your father in Heaven and find out. And when you know I promise you that if you are obedient and faithful, you will be blessed. Whether you are struggling with finances, family, or whatever is holding you back from moving forward, God has it all worked out. He will take care of and make sure your needs and the needs of your loved one's are met. It is his promise.
*SIGH*
My thinking is.... "here we go again."
It's quite interesting when black people visiting Utah run into me or my sister. I'm not sure what happened on THIS particular day, but I was already in a bad mood. I should have worn a t-shirt that said... "Don't start no stuff, won't be no stuff."
Anyway, I'm walking out of the grocery store and 2 women approach me.... "hey, do you live here?" They asked
"Yup, I sure do!" I answered, bracing myself.
"WHY? And where are all the Black People?" they said.
"They're in Ogden" I snickered out loud.
"You a Mormon?" was the next question
"YES! Yes I am....!" I said loud and emphatically.
Already knowing what the next question was going to be, I waited for it...
"I never heard of black Mormon's before you must be the only one. How can ANY black person be a latter day saint?" was the question
"Well what do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb.
"Y'all can't even get into their temples. And you can't even marry someone of a different color and be part of that church. They teach that black people don't go to heaven and can't be preachers or ministers in that church. Girl they got you brain washed, I'ma pray for you."
Now when these moments come up, I have a few choices.
I can get pissed off and battle with them and their ignorance.
I can smile and thank them for informing me.
I can take the opportunity to educate and dispel any myths
Or I can simply turn away, ignore them and go on about my business.
*sigh* If you know me, ya know what I did don't you?
I've been in Utah almost 18 years. EIGHTEEN LONG YEARS!
When I was pregnant with my daughter I went to California to live with my brother and sister-in-law. After living with them a year I knew I couldn't stay there forever and it was time for me to step up and find a life for me and my daughter.
I called my mom in Battle Creek Michigan and told her I was coming home.
"NO, you're not!" was her answer. I was baffled, what did she mean I wasn't coming home?
They say you can ALWAYS go home.
"baby, you are not supposed to be here. If you were supposed to be here I'd let you come home, but this is not where the Lord wants you to be."
"Where am I supposed to go?" I cried.
"you need to get on your knees and talk to your Heavenly Father and find out." She said.
She was right. Sometimes when things get tough the first thing we do is run home for shelter and safety and comfort and we get stuck there because of the familiarity of it all.
To say the least, I was really shaken up by that conversation. I was welcomed to stay with my brother and sister-in-law. But staying their didn't feel right either.
So for about a week I contemplated places to go. I know where I didn't want to go. My sister was in Utah and I had already lived their for a summer and in Idaho for 2 years. I also lived in New Jersey for a bit and I loved it out East.
So I put myself in motion to possibly move out East. As I was planning to go out East a Gnawing feeling kept creeping into my mind... "yewtaw" I would quickly brush it away and continue to make my plans.
You know where this is headed, dontcha? The more I planned for out East the louder the "UTAH" voice was in my head.
Man I didn't want to go to Utah. I was JUST there. I had fun and all, but I was ready for another experience.
*sigh* Finally I did just as my mother directed: got down on my knees and prayed. I knew before I prayed I was going to Utah. But the answer I rec'd through prayer gave me the faith and courage to follow the direction I received. It was so CRYSTAL CLEAR:
"Go and raise your daughter. You will be well cared for. You will be successful. You will teach the youth the beauty of cultural diversity and brotherhood. You will be a pioneer for those who don't understand. You will help pave the way to knowledge and enlightenment."
When I left California, I had enough rent for 1 month and enough food and diapers for my baby daughter for 2 weeks. I packed my clothes, her clothes and stroller and went to Utah. My sister had found me an apartment with a roommate who wouldn't mind a struggling single mother living with her.
I flew in late on a Friday night. I started putting in Job applications on Monday, was hired as a hostess in a restaurant on Wednesday and started working a week after I arrived. I believe Heavenly Father had this in the works before I even arrived. By obedience I was blessed every step of the way. He put situations in my life letting me know that the choices I made were right choices.
Back to the grocery store parking lot:
" How can ANY black person be a latter day saint?"
I tried to divert the question by asking them where they were from.
"Atlanta."
"Atlanta????? " I asked in horror.
"How can any black person live in the south? I mean with all the bigotry still going on and didn't they have slaves down south? I don't get how anyone can know black history and still choose to live in the south?"
They looked at each other like I spoke in Japanese or something, then at me like a horn popped outta my forehead.
I "axed" them again... " HOW can any black person knowing the history of slavery live in the south?? WHY would they want to??"
I broke into a smile, because I knew I had them thinking. I explained to them the misinformation they had about blacks not being able to go into the temples or minster or marry a different culture. I had been endowed since 1993 meaning I had been through and in the temple MANY times. Many of my friends are members who serve as High Priest, bless, administer, deliver sermons across the pulpit, preach, lay hands on and pray over and do everything there is in the church to do. INCLUDING my father and brothers. I also showed a picture of my father and step-mother (who is white) and informed them they were indeed married in the SLC temple.
They were taken by surprise. "Well, what about black men and the priesthood? They couldn't even have it until 1978."
That's true I told them. I told them the history of other churches who had discriminatory traditions. I called them traditions because I don't believe them to be doctrine.
I told them, you don't hear about how the other churches stopped practicing their discriminatory traditions because they didn't proclaim it to the world. LDS Church made a WORLD WIDE announcement proclaiming EVERY worthy male regardless of color or race was invited to come and receive the priesthood which we believe is the power on earth to act in behalf of God. Knowing this would most likely single them out as a racist religion, they went forth and let the world know. Which was the right thing to do, to proclaim to the world, and not on the down low as if to hide some dirty little secret.
I also invited them to think about the history of the United state even know there is still much discrimination. It's not as bad as it was HOWEVER, perhaps we needed to wait for the people of the world to accept blacks as equals so the work of the Lord could go forth. For EVERYTHING there is a season....and the Lord knows that season when we do not.
My point in bringin' up bein' black and living in the south was... Slavery was a long time ago. Conditions are not as they were. The world is a different place. We as a black people have come along way is ALL aspects of life, even religion. You don't base where you live on the passed history, but on the progression of moving forward and how you are able to successfully live your life.
I don't base my religion on it's passed traditions that no longer exist. I base them on the blessings I receive and the success, happiness and peace it brings my family. I base it on the knowledge I have of truth and righteousness it brings to me and my family. I base it in KNOWING the doctrine studying the Scriptures and a feeling of confirmation that I've received time and time again when asked in knowing what is true and what isn't true. A confirmation that only comes by studying and prayer, ASKING GOD THE FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST for a testimony of truth.
After about a 2 hour conversation in a Utah grocery store parking lot with 2 of my Sistahs from Georgia I remember that portion of the answer I rec'd to my prayer almost 20 years ago:
"You will teach the youth the beauty of cultural diversity and brotherhood. You will be a pioneer for those who don't understand. You will help pave the way to knowledge and enlightenment."
This is why I'm here, in Utah. It is why my sister and I chose to stay in Utah. If black folks keep moving out of Utah because there's a lack of diversity and an intolerable ignorance about it, then Utah will never diversify and will always be in a state of ignorance toward other races and cultures.
It is one of the things I've been called to do. And there is great peace and joy in knowing what you've been called to do and having the ability to do it.
If you don't feel you are where you should be, I challenge you to speak to your father in Heaven and find out. And when you know I promise you that if you are obedient and faithful, you will be blessed. Whether you are struggling with finances, family, or whatever is holding you back from moving forward, God has it all worked out. He will take care of and make sure your needs and the needs of your loved one's are met. It is his promise.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Master Has a Grand Design!
I touched on this for a minute in my main blog, but wanted to expand on it here.
I'll begin with the same first paragraphs:
Around January everything felt so up in the air. Just about every aspect of life was coming together and then something happened the end of January that just blew into my world like a tornado. I saw Dorothy, the wicked witch, even poor little toto.Not it's the end of April and the peices of this puzzled called my life have dropped from the air and landed. I'm gathering those peices and putting them back together.As I'm putting together the items that are fitting into place I'm noticing something strange....The peices that have landed are NOT the same peices that were up in the air in the first place....
I can remember at one point looking sky ward and saying.... "Oh Heavenly Father, I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've done all I know to do, and I'm giving it up to you." And I sort of threw my hands in the air and went on about my business. Jan, Feb, March & April there have been some crazy stuff going on. I've been all too aware of that feeling of the peices in my life up in the air.
Well a couple of weeks ago the peices start falling. When things are up in the air sometimes the ONLY thing you can do is wait for the peices to fall and then start to put them back together.
So the peices are falling and I've begun putting them back together. These are defineately NOT the same peices that I put in the air.
My inital first recation was "oh great! I've got even more peices to put together than before."
But as I've been putting this puzzle back to gether, I've notice remnants of the old peices mixes with some new peices. The new peices are better. I LIKE THIS PUZZLE better than the one I threw up a few months ago.
it's as if God the father took my old puzzle, painted a new master design over the top of the old puzzle and sent it back to me. He painted for me a new scene to put together.
That's what he does for each of us. We take charge of our own lives and that's not a bad thing. But when what we want is opposite of what the Lord has designed for us, we try and force our puzzle piece into HIS master design and begin to build OUR masterpeice.
We forget he's the architect, the master planner with the master design. He knows where every nail print in our life belongs. He's givin us the tools to build. He's even provided for us a carpenter who not only is familiar with all the tools but knows the master plan as well. We go to the carpenter to guide us in building the masterpiece intended for us.
I think we are all somewhat guilty of trying to take over and redesign the Master's work. Ususally it's only when we look at the mess we've created that we realize.... " umm I prolly should have followed the master plan" yeah... we spend alot of time with a wrecking ball or a back hoe trying to dig out and fix out own OOOPPPS!
About this new puzzle! It's awesome and coming together quite nicely. I'm excited for the new "scene" placed before me and for those who will be by my side in building this new puzzle.
Don't ever be too afraid to let go of what you have and give it to The Master. Whatever mess we've made of our lives he can bless it.
"If God can make Penicillin outta mold, he can make something outta you!"
I'll begin with the same first paragraphs:
Around January everything felt so up in the air. Just about every aspect of life was coming together and then something happened the end of January that just blew into my world like a tornado. I saw Dorothy, the wicked witch, even poor little toto.Not it's the end of April and the peices of this puzzled called my life have dropped from the air and landed. I'm gathering those peices and putting them back together.As I'm putting together the items that are fitting into place I'm noticing something strange....The peices that have landed are NOT the same peices that were up in the air in the first place....
I can remember at one point looking sky ward and saying.... "Oh Heavenly Father, I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've done all I know to do, and I'm giving it up to you." And I sort of threw my hands in the air and went on about my business. Jan, Feb, March & April there have been some crazy stuff going on. I've been all too aware of that feeling of the peices in my life up in the air.
Well a couple of weeks ago the peices start falling. When things are up in the air sometimes the ONLY thing you can do is wait for the peices to fall and then start to put them back together.
So the peices are falling and I've begun putting them back together. These are defineately NOT the same peices that I put in the air.
My inital first recation was "oh great! I've got even more peices to put together than before."
But as I've been putting this puzzle back to gether, I've notice remnants of the old peices mixes with some new peices. The new peices are better. I LIKE THIS PUZZLE better than the one I threw up a few months ago.
it's as if God the father took my old puzzle, painted a new master design over the top of the old puzzle and sent it back to me. He painted for me a new scene to put together.
That's what he does for each of us. We take charge of our own lives and that's not a bad thing. But when what we want is opposite of what the Lord has designed for us, we try and force our puzzle piece into HIS master design and begin to build OUR masterpeice.
We forget he's the architect, the master planner with the master design. He knows where every nail print in our life belongs. He's givin us the tools to build. He's even provided for us a carpenter who not only is familiar with all the tools but knows the master plan as well. We go to the carpenter to guide us in building the masterpiece intended for us.
I think we are all somewhat guilty of trying to take over and redesign the Master's work. Ususally it's only when we look at the mess we've created that we realize.... " umm I prolly should have followed the master plan" yeah... we spend alot of time with a wrecking ball or a back hoe trying to dig out and fix out own OOOPPPS!
About this new puzzle! It's awesome and coming together quite nicely. I'm excited for the new "scene" placed before me and for those who will be by my side in building this new puzzle.
Don't ever be too afraid to let go of what you have and give it to The Master. Whatever mess we've made of our lives he can bless it.
"If God can make Penicillin outta mold, he can make something outta you!"
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
I'm SLACKING..... and I can feel it!
You all know how we do those little things each day that keep us in tune to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and keep us close to God? When things get stressed and diffifult we let go of those little things thinking because they are so small it won't matter if you cut them out this time, or hold off on them for a couple days.
Well I'm here to day.... those little things, they do count. They do make a big difference. When this happens, at least for me, I put myself back into basic training.
If you know me, you know what basic training is: The basics of finding a center of your life and then the balance around the center. For me, that Center is Jesus christ, then Family, and then the rest seems to fall into place.
I'm finding out each day how important it is to spend time in stillness and silence. Some people meditate. Some people pray. Some people chant while others will pick up a book of thoughts, or their scriptures or some sort of affirmation. Do whatever works to help you spend some time and commune with whatever higher power source you believe in, find your peace so you can live in it and create it around you.
I now commute to work each day and the drive is about 30-40 minutes. I love it. I love spending time in silence. I take that opportunity to Converse with my Heavenly Father. It's like a "daddy/ daughter" council session and it prepares me for the day. It also keeps me focused on what's really important and reminds me of all the things and people I truly grateful for.
I wonder why these things are only periodically habitual? Some may think well we alway come to God in times of need and in times of thanks. But aren't we always in times of need and in times of thanks?
In April we have Author Toni Sorenson give a talk at the Monthly Genesis Meetings.
She's Amazing. She's written an ABSOLUTELY Powerful book Called "Master." Toni is one person I know who LOVES JESUS! She loves to talk about Jesus, she loves to Praise him and she is simply amazing. I have seen her go through many things in the last 3 years. Many trials and struggles but the one thing that is constant is she is Praising and thanking her God through it all.
The most important message I got from her example is, don't wait for the trials to be over to think God. He is with you through whatever fire is before you. He's sustaining you, educating you, protecting you, making you stronger, preparing you and beside you in the furnace of affliction. Don't wait until after the trial to thank and praise him.
http://www.jennielhansen.com/covclub/feb08.htm
Well I'm here to day.... those little things, they do count. They do make a big difference. When this happens, at least for me, I put myself back into basic training.
If you know me, you know what basic training is: The basics of finding a center of your life and then the balance around the center. For me, that Center is Jesus christ, then Family, and then the rest seems to fall into place.
I'm finding out each day how important it is to spend time in stillness and silence. Some people meditate. Some people pray. Some people chant while others will pick up a book of thoughts, or their scriptures or some sort of affirmation. Do whatever works to help you spend some time and commune with whatever higher power source you believe in, find your peace so you can live in it and create it around you.
I now commute to work each day and the drive is about 30-40 minutes. I love it. I love spending time in silence. I take that opportunity to Converse with my Heavenly Father. It's like a "daddy/ daughter" council session and it prepares me for the day. It also keeps me focused on what's really important and reminds me of all the things and people I truly grateful for.
I wonder why these things are only periodically habitual? Some may think well we alway come to God in times of need and in times of thanks. But aren't we always in times of need and in times of thanks?
In April we have Author Toni Sorenson give a talk at the Monthly Genesis Meetings.
She's Amazing. She's written an ABSOLUTELY Powerful book Called "Master." Toni is one person I know who LOVES JESUS! She loves to talk about Jesus, she loves to Praise him and she is simply amazing. I have seen her go through many things in the last 3 years. Many trials and struggles but the one thing that is constant is she is Praising and thanking her God through it all.
The most important message I got from her example is, don't wait for the trials to be over to think God. He is with you through whatever fire is before you. He's sustaining you, educating you, protecting you, making you stronger, preparing you and beside you in the furnace of affliction. Don't wait until after the trial to thank and praise him.
http://www.jennielhansen.com/covclub/feb08.htm
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
We Can Do A Little Better Than Hamburger Helper Can't We?
I was speaking with my friend Brook last week about the Church. She's a member although not really active but I can see her heart starting to slowly turn back to the fold so to speak.
We were speaking about what happened to her after her mother passed away about a year go. As most single parents she did what she needed to provide for her son and her mother who live d with her. I'm not sure if she ever lived on her own before her mother passed away. Mom did most of the in home care while Brook worked to provide.
Her mother passed away quite suddenly. Even in the situation of having a parent ill with the knowledge of their lives coming to an end isn't easy, so to lose a parent quite suddenly is and immense shock to anyone's system.
She spoke of the ward members in her area and the judgements which were passed upon herself, her mother and her son.
In going through some difficulties about this time last year I turned to my bishop who gave me these instructions: "Let us love you. The Purpose of a ward and ward family is to love you, don't run away, let us love you."
I took him up on that offer. My congregation (ward) is PHENOMINAL and I invite anyone out there to come to provo and visit the GrandView 9th ward. I don't care who you are, what you look like and how you dress, you will not believe the warmth and love you feel in this congregation.
Brook at this most needed time in her life was not so lucky. The ward member's kicked in as dutiful little robots to carry out the much needed "funeral assignments." But without comfort and warmth in service, is it really service at all?
I imagine a congrete building with herself and her son looking at a wooden box in which her mother lies resting in peace. This woeden box, lying on top of a concrete slab.
The lighting is dim. The room, also concrete with concrete benches. No windows but a damp musty smell in the chilled air. So cool you can see your own breath. Resting on those concrete benches are Robots in varying shades of gray programmed to different assigned task. Upon finishing their task they walk up to Brook and her son and speak some choppy well programmed monotone condolence. While putting cold steel arms around her before turning their back and leaving.
This was the picture I recieve in my mind as she explained to me the feelings she had by a ward whose job is to Love her and her son. She met people she had never seen before and she has never seen since.
Where are home and visiting teachers during times such as these? I guess there was a Relief society member who took some effort to reach out to her and speak those famous words we Latter Day Saint's speak:
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
I'm not sure about the rest of you but I do tend to cringe when I hear these words. In my experience, most who same them, don't really mean them. I have great faith that my home teachers and visiting teachers mean them and I almost feel bad when I have to say to them,
"no, I think we're doing great but I'll let you know if something comes up."
Don't most of us know that we can sense a sincere offering and we can sense when an offering is out of obligation. In other words.... we KNOW when you meant it and when you don't.
When Brook was presented with those words: "Is there anything I can do for you?"
I'm sure the sister who asked was quite suprized when Brook had the audacity to let her know there was something they, the relief society sisters could do for her.
Her response was simple. It was easy. It was a opportunity for her to feel the love of God our father and In Christ our Lord. It was an opportunity for someone to reach out and serve and "do it unto the least of these..."
Brook said... "well can somebody teach me how to cook? I've never had to cook before my mom did all the cooking."
Such a simple request in a time where someone's world could be crumbling apart around them.
The response she recieve back pains my heart when I think of it.
Her relief society sister responded to her: "You may have to stock up on Hamburger Helper for a while."
My mouth dropped when she told me this. Tears formed in my eyes and my heart screamed at the disservice my sister had encountered.
This was Brooks final straw with her ward/congregaton.
It's been around a year I guess since this has happened. I must say in hearing her story a bit of shame came over me. One of the Saddest things about this earth is how we treat our brothers and sisters. How we make service a matter of OUR convenience instead of providing it when it is much needed by another.
Something as simple as passing on a recipe or spending a couple of hours a week with Brook could have completely changed some major things in her life and impacted her, her son and her life forever.
To tell ya the truth I wish I could find that Sister and give her an infamous V-8 moment. Because she missed the mark on that one
Our sister Brook was failed. That's the bottom line truth.
Brothers and Sisters take some time to seek out those who are in need of the Lords love and service in their lives and do what you can. It doesn't have to be some great thing. Something as simple as a hug. A 5 minute visit to someone not feeling well or having a hard time. This valentines day I rec'd a call from someone who is ill who had been thinking of me. She wanted me to know that if I needed some sweets she had a plateful of cookies on her table she was waiting to share. She called because she wanted to hear MY LAUGH on Valentines day. How AWESOME and amazing is she?
My grandma used to always say "The only hands the Lord has are yours." That's always stuck with me.
When you speak the words "is there anything I can do for you or call me if you need anything" make sure you mean it or just don't even let that lie out of your mouth.
Feel free to comment your favorite recipe for my friend brook who has come a long way in her cooking. I think it would be a great gesture of love!
And please.... we CAN do a little better than Hamburger helper, can't we?
We were speaking about what happened to her after her mother passed away about a year go. As most single parents she did what she needed to provide for her son and her mother who live d with her. I'm not sure if she ever lived on her own before her mother passed away. Mom did most of the in home care while Brook worked to provide.
Her mother passed away quite suddenly. Even in the situation of having a parent ill with the knowledge of their lives coming to an end isn't easy, so to lose a parent quite suddenly is and immense shock to anyone's system.
She spoke of the ward members in her area and the judgements which were passed upon herself, her mother and her son.
In going through some difficulties about this time last year I turned to my bishop who gave me these instructions: "Let us love you. The Purpose of a ward and ward family is to love you, don't run away, let us love you."
I took him up on that offer. My congregation (ward) is PHENOMINAL and I invite anyone out there to come to provo and visit the GrandView 9th ward. I don't care who you are, what you look like and how you dress, you will not believe the warmth and love you feel in this congregation.
Brook at this most needed time in her life was not so lucky. The ward member's kicked in as dutiful little robots to carry out the much needed "funeral assignments." But without comfort and warmth in service, is it really service at all?
I imagine a congrete building with herself and her son looking at a wooden box in which her mother lies resting in peace. This woeden box, lying on top of a concrete slab.
The lighting is dim. The room, also concrete with concrete benches. No windows but a damp musty smell in the chilled air. So cool you can see your own breath. Resting on those concrete benches are Robots in varying shades of gray programmed to different assigned task. Upon finishing their task they walk up to Brook and her son and speak some choppy well programmed monotone condolence. While putting cold steel arms around her before turning their back and leaving.
This was the picture I recieve in my mind as she explained to me the feelings she had by a ward whose job is to Love her and her son. She met people she had never seen before and she has never seen since.
Where are home and visiting teachers during times such as these? I guess there was a Relief society member who took some effort to reach out to her and speak those famous words we Latter Day Saint's speak:
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
I'm not sure about the rest of you but I do tend to cringe when I hear these words. In my experience, most who same them, don't really mean them. I have great faith that my home teachers and visiting teachers mean them and I almost feel bad when I have to say to them,
"no, I think we're doing great but I'll let you know if something comes up."
Don't most of us know that we can sense a sincere offering and we can sense when an offering is out of obligation. In other words.... we KNOW when you meant it and when you don't.
When Brook was presented with those words: "Is there anything I can do for you?"
I'm sure the sister who asked was quite suprized when Brook had the audacity to let her know there was something they, the relief society sisters could do for her.
Her response was simple. It was easy. It was a opportunity for her to feel the love of God our father and In Christ our Lord. It was an opportunity for someone to reach out and serve and "do it unto the least of these..."
Brook said... "well can somebody teach me how to cook? I've never had to cook before my mom did all the cooking."
Such a simple request in a time where someone's world could be crumbling apart around them.
The response she recieve back pains my heart when I think of it.
Her relief society sister responded to her: "You may have to stock up on Hamburger Helper for a while."
My mouth dropped when she told me this. Tears formed in my eyes and my heart screamed at the disservice my sister had encountered.
This was Brooks final straw with her ward/congregaton.
It's been around a year I guess since this has happened. I must say in hearing her story a bit of shame came over me. One of the Saddest things about this earth is how we treat our brothers and sisters. How we make service a matter of OUR convenience instead of providing it when it is much needed by another.
Something as simple as passing on a recipe or spending a couple of hours a week with Brook could have completely changed some major things in her life and impacted her, her son and her life forever.
To tell ya the truth I wish I could find that Sister and give her an infamous V-8 moment. Because she missed the mark on that one
Our sister Brook was failed. That's the bottom line truth.
Brothers and Sisters take some time to seek out those who are in need of the Lords love and service in their lives and do what you can. It doesn't have to be some great thing. Something as simple as a hug. A 5 minute visit to someone not feeling well or having a hard time. This valentines day I rec'd a call from someone who is ill who had been thinking of me. She wanted me to know that if I needed some sweets she had a plateful of cookies on her table she was waiting to share. She called because she wanted to hear MY LAUGH on Valentines day. How AWESOME and amazing is she?
My grandma used to always say "The only hands the Lord has are yours." That's always stuck with me.
When you speak the words "is there anything I can do for you or call me if you need anything" make sure you mean it or just don't even let that lie out of your mouth.
Feel free to comment your favorite recipe for my friend brook who has come a long way in her cooking. I think it would be a great gesture of love!
And please.... we CAN do a little better than Hamburger helper, can't we?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
ROCKED AND ROLLED
With Easter a month away I and with a conversation held to today about religion and my belief in God the Eternal father and in his son Jesus Christ, I felt the need to "rebroadcast" this peom from my "floetry" blog.
Enjoy.
ROCKED AND ROLLED
Our father’s love
our spirits bought
he sent his son
to pay the cost.
The angels cheered
the angels sang
soon would come a king to reign
The Heaven’s rocked
and the heaven’s rolled
we found salvation for our soul
He grew to serve
Within the masses
Touching every life he passes
the sick he healed
the weary he held
picking up
all those who fell.
he walked the waters
the mountains move
evil departs when he comes through
the creatures hush
and elements silence
at the majesty of his excellence
he gathered all
no soul emitted
through him each one
would be acquitted
The Saints did sing
and the heaven’s roared
Cheering our Hero
for ever more
The hand of a baby
the hand of a son
outstretch to reach
everyone
they healed the sick
they carried the weak
they feed us the food
that we would seekt
hey clasped in prayert
hey bled in pain
then pierced with nails
they bled again.
His eye’s with sorry
then they raised
looking toward heaven,
he easily forgave
Born to die
so we could live
eternal life he came to give
Then Heaven’s rocked
and the Heaven’s rolled
we have salvation for our soul.
K.M.D © 12/4/2006
Enjoy.
ROCKED AND ROLLED
Our father’s love
our spirits bought
he sent his son
to pay the cost.
The angels cheered
the angels sang
soon would come a king to reign
The Heaven’s rocked
and the heaven’s rolled
we found salvation for our soul
He grew to serve
Within the masses
Touching every life he passes
the sick he healed
the weary he held
picking up
all those who fell.
he walked the waters
the mountains move
evil departs when he comes through
the creatures hush
and elements silence
at the majesty of his excellence
he gathered all
no soul emitted
through him each one
would be acquitted
The Saints did sing
and the heaven’s roared
Cheering our Hero
for ever more
The hand of a baby
the hand of a son
outstretch to reach
everyone
they healed the sick
they carried the weak
they feed us the food
that we would seekt
hey clasped in prayert
hey bled in pain
then pierced with nails
they bled again.
His eye’s with sorry
then they raised
looking toward heaven,
he easily forgave
Born to die
so we could live
eternal life he came to give
Then Heaven’s rocked
and the Heaven’s rolled
we have salvation for our soul.
K.M.D © 12/4/2006
Ghetto Blog! ;) More coming later
Here's a link to my latest blog on my other page! This experience was food for the soul
http://kaydeezplace.blogspot.com/
http://kaydeezplace.blogspot.com/
Monday, February 4, 2008
Can I Get A Witness?
This is a picture of the new first presidency Of the Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints.I've read the bio's of each of these men and have looked into their faces and their eyes. As I was doing so and overwhelming feeling of love washed over me for each of these men. I do not know them personally and have never held a conversation with any of them. However I know the feelings that washed over me could not become any stronger if I did know them personally. I know with the surety of the holy spirit bearing witness to me these men are truly men of God and and he is well pleased to have them leading his church.
I want my family, friends and the world to know that I have received a witness that Jesus Christ is at the head of our church. Thomas S. Monson is a Prophet of God in the same manor of
Moses
Abraham
Jesus Christ
Nephi
Alma
Moroni
Joseph Smith
Gordon B. Hinckley.
I know that The Lord loves his children the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and if he provided his children with a prophet to lead and guide them in ancient times, he has done the same for his children on the earth today.
I testify that Thomas S Monson, Henry B. Eyering and Deiter F. Uchtdorf are men of God and serve as a special witness to our Savior Jesus Christ. I support them and sustain them to the fullest extent.
OF this, I do believe and testify.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
The Heart Of A Servant.
A week ago today the earth lost one of it's great servants, but it gained another guardian angel.
President Gordon B Hinckley returned home to God the Father and was again rejoined with his beloved wife Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley.
As I watched the funeral yesterday it didn't really hit me until the camera panned the seats of the quarum of the 12. They showed President Monson, and then an empty chair and then President Eyering. The empty chair is what pricked my heart. Funny how it was an empty chair that gave me the reality slap?
President Hinckley indeed is a man who will be missed and we feel the loss deeply. However I am not so sad. Because I know he will live again. I know his great work is continueing on the other side. I know he was met by friends, colleagues, family and many others who's life he touched. I'm sure he's having a grand ole time.
I love President Hinckley because for me, he was the "Human" Prophet. He cracked jokes and laughed and shared very human and obtainable elements of his life with the world. He let the world know that it is ok to laugh, and joke and cry and have moments of weaknesses and faults. He humanized the LDS Faith in my opinion. For years we were looked at as a "OLD WHITE STAUNCH BORING SERIOUS RELIGION." I can imagine him at times saying to the brethern....
"don't be so stuffy, guys, laugh a little, lighten up, have some joy!'
That's exactly what he did.
He made being A member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints cool! And he opened the doors of our church and invited the world in while also inviting us to go out befriend the world. To recognize our differences and embrace the uniqueness of them. He reminded us that we do have much we can learn from others and to not be afraid of that, but to share our love of the Savior and the gospel with those around us and if nothing more, create a bond of respect in simply us all being children of God.
When I hear the quote:
"Live as though those who don't know God, may know of him because they know you"
I think of President Gordon B Hinckley. I feel as though I'm missing A Grandpa or a favorite uncle, he had such a way of bringing across a personal feeling of love and friendship even for those who have never met him.
I am grateful for his life and his service to the world and his love for all mankind.
In a time where the media focuses on wars, rumors of wars, bin ladens, political injustices, and those worldy things that focus on all that is wrong on the earth. I hope that we can take the light left behind from the heart of a servant and allow it to outshine the wickedness and create a fire within us all to focus on the love and the legacy left behind by President Gordon B Hinckley, Prophet of God.
Let us each try to:
Be Grateful
Be Smart
Be Involved
Be Clean
Be True
Be Positive
Be Humble
Be Still
Be Prayerful
Because we love him.
(cute news article below)
http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695249735,00.html
President Gordon B Hinckley returned home to God the Father and was again rejoined with his beloved wife Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley.
As I watched the funeral yesterday it didn't really hit me until the camera panned the seats of the quarum of the 12. They showed President Monson, and then an empty chair and then President Eyering. The empty chair is what pricked my heart. Funny how it was an empty chair that gave me the reality slap?
President Hinckley indeed is a man who will be missed and we feel the loss deeply. However I am not so sad. Because I know he will live again. I know his great work is continueing on the other side. I know he was met by friends, colleagues, family and many others who's life he touched. I'm sure he's having a grand ole time.
I love President Hinckley because for me, he was the "Human" Prophet. He cracked jokes and laughed and shared very human and obtainable elements of his life with the world. He let the world know that it is ok to laugh, and joke and cry and have moments of weaknesses and faults. He humanized the LDS Faith in my opinion. For years we were looked at as a "OLD WHITE STAUNCH BORING SERIOUS RELIGION." I can imagine him at times saying to the brethern....
"don't be so stuffy, guys, laugh a little, lighten up, have some joy!'
That's exactly what he did.
He made being A member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints cool! And he opened the doors of our church and invited the world in while also inviting us to go out befriend the world. To recognize our differences and embrace the uniqueness of them. He reminded us that we do have much we can learn from others and to not be afraid of that, but to share our love of the Savior and the gospel with those around us and if nothing more, create a bond of respect in simply us all being children of God.
When I hear the quote:
"Live as though those who don't know God, may know of him because they know you"
I think of President Gordon B Hinckley. I feel as though I'm missing A Grandpa or a favorite uncle, he had such a way of bringing across a personal feeling of love and friendship even for those who have never met him.
I am grateful for his life and his service to the world and his love for all mankind.
In a time where the media focuses on wars, rumors of wars, bin ladens, political injustices, and those worldy things that focus on all that is wrong on the earth. I hope that we can take the light left behind from the heart of a servant and allow it to outshine the wickedness and create a fire within us all to focus on the love and the legacy left behind by President Gordon B Hinckley, Prophet of God.
Let us each try to:
Be Grateful
Be Smart
Be Involved
Be Clean
Be True
Be Positive
Be Humble
Be Still
Be Prayerful
Because we love him.
(cute news article below)
http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695249735,00.html
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Potato Soup & Little Debbies!
I went to dinner Tuesday night at one of my favorite families in my ward. I personally think they should adopt me, because I just love them as if they were blood.
Dinner with them was the perfect ending to a somewhat CUH-RAY-ZEE Day.
Minutes before heading over to dinner I rec'd a series of annoying calls from my sister's that left me frustrated and somewhat miffed, only find out they were getting information and had just paid off my car. What a wonderful suprize, it left me speechless, flabbergasted and in tears. I'm not usually speechless. But someone paying off my car..... yeah, I was not only speechless I almost passed out!
After the initial shock I was all sorts of giddy and hyper and I can't even describe it. The evens of the last month have been so awesome and overwhelming that my cup truly runneth over.
I went to dinner and when I was asked how things were going I couldn't help but share all the wonderful blessings that I have been graced with over the last month. It was as if I could not contain it. And it bubbled over onto them, they also could not contain it. It was such a great experience to have this family come to tears and fill the same chills and warmth I felt. It was such an amazing feeling! And I've been looking for ways to pass that feeling on to others.
Dinner was great! I'm not talking about just the meal. Although I'm for SURE getting that Cream of potato Soup Recipe! Who know you could have so much fun over Potato Soup and Little Debbies Oat meal cream cookies? The conversation and the people were more than anyone can ask for. We laughed and joked and even sang a little. When Grandma looked at everyone and said.... "its so good being with you tonite!" She was right. There is something to be said about the simplicity of just being in a room with good people, having good conversation, and talking about the good things in our lives. Sometimes we brush off things that are good because they aren't Great. The older I get the more I realize that those things that are just good are actually REALLY REALLY GREAT! I love how simply and comforting the evening was. And when I think of having a nice evening at home with friends and family, I'll forever think of Potato Soup and Little Debbies and the Wilcox's :)
Saturday, January 5, 2008
NO REGRETS 2008!
2008 is here and I'm excited. I'm excited because I feel I learned alot about myself last year and I'm ready to put what I learned into practice. Is is really possible for me to speak with the tongue of angels as Elder Jeffrey R. Holland encourages? Can I really claim those exceeding great and precious blessing Elder Spencer J. Condie mentioned? Yup, the answer is yes. I can because I have and I can because I have. So many wonderful things manifested themselves to me and I'm excited about them. I have been told by my current bishop that I have a purpose to testify of the Lord's grace and love. I believe that and I will do it. Just by being born we are entitled to and have Heavenly Father's Love. Most people cannot fathem that. God loves our beloved prophet Gordon B Hinckley, The President of the United states George "Dubyah" Bush, Kanye West, Lindsey Lohan, and little old Me just the same. He may have different levels of disappointments but his love for us is all the same. It's a wonderful thought!
I've bought into the Mormon Dream and that's my goal. I may NEVER achieve it or come close to it but that is the goal. I'm been having so much fun being LDS the last few months. I'm not sure how or even why but I love the teachings and the values it brings to my life. I love the service I'm rendered and the service I'm encouraged to give. I love the knowledge that just as The Lord provided his children of old with Prophets to lead and guide them, he would not leave his children of today without that same guidance. And because he is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow it only strengthens my knowledge of him Heavenly Father and belief in our prophet even more today. My Current ward is PHENOMINAL. My bishop told me when I was going through a hard time "come and let us love you. The purpose of a ward family is to love you. Let us love you." And they have. There were days when I felt so low I was on the verge of tears. No one knew what I was going through. But it was not uncommon for those around me to come up slip their arms around me and lte me know I am loved and they were happy to see me. often times I would simply lay my head on their shoulder and rest a while. No word needed. I challenge anyone to come to my ward and not feel welcomed. I don't believe it would happen.
I'm more ready to stay away from those things the bring dis ease into my life. I have dealt with some psycho people in last couple months. There is no room for that in my life. There's no need for that in my life. Any one who takes me off my goals, must go. It's that simple. Anyone who loves and respect me will encourage me to keep to my goals regardless of if they agree with them or not.
It is a good feeling to be around people I feel I can trust. It is a good feeling to be around people I can be myself with. It is a good feeling to know I am loved. It is a good feeling to be able to express such love.
Peace is a good feeling! Knowing you're doing the right things and God is pleased with you is good feeling. When God is please with you, everything you do is blessed. Everything you do flourishes. And the beauty and wonder of it is inclusive to everyone you love. It's some thing to always strive for.
I'm focusing on family. I had an amazing Christmas! And my family focused on a couple of other families. And in a way it was crazy because all the families together started focusing on each other. And when people asks us about our holidays we can't wait to tell them what we did and what we gave. None of us really talk about what we got because although we are grateful for ALL we rec'd. Our joy is aways in describing the faces and reactions of those we gave to. I MADE PEOPLE CRY! Usually that happens when I'm mean. My New Year's Eve was equally as wonderful.... and it was CUHRAYZEE! I kidnapped my friends kids for a New Year's Eve slumber party. Ok i'm just going to refer to them as my kid because in a way I feel like they are, I couldn't love them more if they were.
When New Years came I passed out notebooks to everyone and we sat down and wrote down goals we wanted to work on for 2008. They had to come up with 10 goals: 2 of them had to be family related and 2 of them had to be spiritually related. I was very impressed and proud of the goals everyone came up with.
Afterwards we all bundled up and went out side and took a short hike. We were close enough to a field that looks down over the Valley and directly across from us was the Jordon River Temple. There we stood in the freakin freezing cold. Our breaths surrounding us like a smokey fog. It was quiet.The lights were the city below were dancing as if to celebrate the New Year. I sort of looked around at everyone and everyone was smiling. 2007 had been so tough on all of us. Frankly I think we were just all glad to be closing the door on it. I believe it was the 14 year old who said.... "you know 2008 is already better."
"amen" I said... "Amen" We walked and laughed and sang until we started to burn in the cold then we went back into the house.
One of my goals was to try and have family prayer each night. I asked the other kids if they wanted to join us and they nodded! We all knelt in the living room and I said since it was my ideah, I'd say the prayer. Flashbacks of being 10 years old came to my mind. As a family we would kneel in prayer... and just before someone would get the giggles. Then we'd all get the giggles. This would last for about 20 minutes sometimes until a parent would get so exhasperated with our lack of control and anger would show up.
I took a deep breath to being and I busted up! Which in turn started everyone else into fits of gigles. About the 3rd time it happened it was the 6 year old who said... "HEY! We're trying to pray here!" Which in and of itself is funny! It worked, he jerked us back into reality and we were able to have family prayer. And the night carried on with the rest of it's fun events until we finally fell asleep about 7 am. It was awesome. The next day, awesome. I've never seen those kids laugh as much as I did during the holidays. It was heart warming. I wanted to find way for it to happen even more for 2008.
I've alot to look forward to this year. I don't intend on letting too much get in the way of how great of a year I'm planning on having. 2008 is a psycho free zone!
Lets have many great adventures this year!
I've bought into the Mormon Dream and that's my goal. I may NEVER achieve it or come close to it but that is the goal. I'm been having so much fun being LDS the last few months. I'm not sure how or even why but I love the teachings and the values it brings to my life. I love the service I'm rendered and the service I'm encouraged to give. I love the knowledge that just as The Lord provided his children of old with Prophets to lead and guide them, he would not leave his children of today without that same guidance. And because he is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow it only strengthens my knowledge of him Heavenly Father and belief in our prophet even more today. My Current ward is PHENOMINAL. My bishop told me when I was going through a hard time "come and let us love you. The purpose of a ward family is to love you. Let us love you." And they have. There were days when I felt so low I was on the verge of tears. No one knew what I was going through. But it was not uncommon for those around me to come up slip their arms around me and lte me know I am loved and they were happy to see me. often times I would simply lay my head on their shoulder and rest a while. No word needed. I challenge anyone to come to my ward and not feel welcomed. I don't believe it would happen.
I'm more ready to stay away from those things the bring dis ease into my life. I have dealt with some psycho people in last couple months. There is no room for that in my life. There's no need for that in my life. Any one who takes me off my goals, must go. It's that simple. Anyone who loves and respect me will encourage me to keep to my goals regardless of if they agree with them or not.
It is a good feeling to be around people I feel I can trust. It is a good feeling to be around people I can be myself with. It is a good feeling to know I am loved. It is a good feeling to be able to express such love.
Peace is a good feeling! Knowing you're doing the right things and God is pleased with you is good feeling. When God is please with you, everything you do is blessed. Everything you do flourishes. And the beauty and wonder of it is inclusive to everyone you love. It's some thing to always strive for.
I'm focusing on family. I had an amazing Christmas! And my family focused on a couple of other families. And in a way it was crazy because all the families together started focusing on each other. And when people asks us about our holidays we can't wait to tell them what we did and what we gave. None of us really talk about what we got because although we are grateful for ALL we rec'd. Our joy is aways in describing the faces and reactions of those we gave to. I MADE PEOPLE CRY! Usually that happens when I'm mean. My New Year's Eve was equally as wonderful.... and it was CUHRAYZEE! I kidnapped my friends kids for a New Year's Eve slumber party. Ok i'm just going to refer to them as my kid because in a way I feel like they are, I couldn't love them more if they were.
When New Years came I passed out notebooks to everyone and we sat down and wrote down goals we wanted to work on for 2008. They had to come up with 10 goals: 2 of them had to be family related and 2 of them had to be spiritually related. I was very impressed and proud of the goals everyone came up with.
Afterwards we all bundled up and went out side and took a short hike. We were close enough to a field that looks down over the Valley and directly across from us was the Jordon River Temple. There we stood in the freakin freezing cold. Our breaths surrounding us like a smokey fog. It was quiet.The lights were the city below were dancing as if to celebrate the New Year. I sort of looked around at everyone and everyone was smiling. 2007 had been so tough on all of us. Frankly I think we were just all glad to be closing the door on it. I believe it was the 14 year old who said.... "you know 2008 is already better."
"amen" I said... "Amen" We walked and laughed and sang until we started to burn in the cold then we went back into the house.
One of my goals was to try and have family prayer each night. I asked the other kids if they wanted to join us and they nodded! We all knelt in the living room and I said since it was my ideah, I'd say the prayer. Flashbacks of being 10 years old came to my mind. As a family we would kneel in prayer... and just before someone would get the giggles. Then we'd all get the giggles. This would last for about 20 minutes sometimes until a parent would get so exhasperated with our lack of control and anger would show up.
I took a deep breath to being and I busted up! Which in turn started everyone else into fits of gigles. About the 3rd time it happened it was the 6 year old who said... "HEY! We're trying to pray here!" Which in and of itself is funny! It worked, he jerked us back into reality and we were able to have family prayer. And the night carried on with the rest of it's fun events until we finally fell asleep about 7 am. It was awesome. The next day, awesome. I've never seen those kids laugh as much as I did during the holidays. It was heart warming. I wanted to find way for it to happen even more for 2008.
I've alot to look forward to this year. I don't intend on letting too much get in the way of how great of a year I'm planning on having. 2008 is a psycho free zone!
Lets have many great adventures this year!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Happy "Holy" Days!
I am absolutely overcome with emotion at the Holiness surrounding me this holiday season. I am exhausted with laughter and tears and just being plain good old fashioned tired! This Christmas I didn't care about getting anything. I could have rec'd nothing at all and my joy could not be anymore full than it already is. Never before in my life have I felt so much love for family and friends. I literally could not contain it all. I felt as if I would burst if I didn't show it and share it. It seems as though the more I gave the more I wanted to give. That feeling is with me still.
Today after cleaning my apt from all the holiday cooking, baking, sewing, wrapping and other projects I sat down for a moment and thought about yesterday, Christmas day and the day before which was Christmas eve. I became so overwhelmed with emotion that I just broke down. Not so surprising, the last 2 days has already been so full of joyful tears, I figured I was all cried out. Not so much! I was so happy and so grateful for so many people in my life and what they mean to me.
I looked up and silently asked my father in heaven:
"How is it possible to feel so blessed and have soo much love for these people, I don't fully understand it!" It was almost frightening. Where was all this love for these people coming from?
A line from my patriarchal blessing popped into my mind: ....
"...you may receive the blessings that are there for the just... Blessings that will be so great that you cannot even contemplate at this time.."
I can't imagine there being more joy than this I have been feeling the last couple of weeks. And there is something very contagious about feeling pure joy, when it truly immerses you, you want everyone around you to share in it, and the spirit will put into your path those gifts to share. And when you're trying to
.. live as you should the Lord will make things happy for you and those around you. The results are amazing. I've seen and heard of some incredibly amazing things happen this month:
3 weeks ago My daughter said she had a surprise for me. She gave me a red sweater and a gray & black beanie and said... wear this and a pair of jeans and boots be ready by 10 am Sunday morning, we're being picked up. I had no idea what was she was up to but I Obeyed. Sunday morning I put on my uniform that my daughter bought for me and even through on some make up. ( I don't care for makeup) And was ready by 10:am. She had arranged for a woman in the ward to pick us up and take us into the canyons and did family Christmas portraits of us. It was fun. We did some posed shots and she did some candid shots and even go us snowball fighting.
(The photos' are wonderful and I love them :)
Just the 2 of us!
Laughin at my crazy mama!
U lookin at me?
Take That!
After the photo shoot in the woods we sat speaking with my photographer about how much she wanted to do something for me and this was what they came up with. She felt that I do so much for so many others. I was so touched. I mentioned to her that I would like to do the same thing for a family very special to me. I wanted to have some professional photo's taken of the children of a friend of mine. I wanted him to have some really nice photo's of his kids. I didn't have lots of cash and I WASN'T going to do the in studio portraits at a sears or JC penny or kiddie candid. Well without any further details she immediately said she would love to. No questions asked and no charge.
2 weeks later She drove 45 minute in a snow storm with below freezing temperature on a very windy day to do this for me. It took less than 20 minutes for the whole photo shoot but there was such a spirit of fun and joy & togetherness within that 2o minutes. Her joy was doing this for me. My joy was doing this for them. It was a snowball effect and people, events and things were coming together for everything good I wanted to do this holiday season and it was all being done with an overwhelming feeling of love for anyone who jumped on board.
I woke up Christmas eve realizing I had 4 quilts to put together. I had put so much else on my plate that I found myself slacking on some important project that needed to be done in less than 24 hours. I don't sew that great. But I can design and draw very well. When it came to sewing the quilts together I ran into problem after problem with the machine. My sister and daughter we great at answering my every frustrated call when the machine would stop working for whatever reason. As I sewed quilts, they tied them. I had roped them into another of my ideas and dragged them into the pressure of time constraints. The could have been upset with me. They probably should have. I was frustrated with myself. But they turned it into so much fun and laughter. And we had so much fun. talking about the quilts and the personalities that would soon be using them! I even ran out to deliver some pkg late Christmas eve and they chose to stay behind to finish tying the 3 quilts I had made that morning. That left me with one last one to finish on Christmas day.
After I had returned home late Christmas eve, my daughter had the idea to turn the photos my photographer had done of my friend's family into a movie presentation. She had already set up some pictures into a movie format and asked me what I thought. I liked what she was doing. She thought we should put it to music. My sister, knowing more about music than just about anyone I know she asked me what kind of music I wanted. I wanted something with a "gospel music" sound. I thought of the kids in the photos and their family. They had been through a lot this year. Some sad and dark days for sure. I wanted something that would strengthen their resolve and let the world know they had not been nor would be defeated. Something that they could look to be their family "National Anthem" for this next year. She found what we thought was the perfect song. We worked on the presentation all night and into the morning. My daughter using what she knew of the kids as her inspiration worked meticulously on this. When she finished she made the copies, one for each parent of the children. I was wired all night. I watched the presentation over and over and cried each time, such was the love I have for this family. I think I fell asleep about 6:30 Christmas morning and about 10:am I woke everyone up so we could finish our quilting. We all watched the DVD movie presentation one more time and my sister said... "something is missing, it's not complete."
After she said it there was an anxious little spirit in the room. We all felt it, I started to tear up and get overcome with emotion and nodded in agreement.
"you know what we have to do don't you?"
I asked.
My sister and daughter nodded as well. We'd be taking a trip out a cemetery to take pictures of the other family member which had that passed away some years earlier. There was such an excitement to do this that I had a hard time focusing on the other tasks for today.
About 4 pm camera's in tow we went to the cemetery and uncovered the little resting place of the missing angel who belonged in the video/movie we had spent the night before producing. We then scurried off to another friend's house for dinner.
There, we would insert the other pictures and finish the DVD presentation to be gifted later that night. When we showed our other friends the movie we were doing and explained why, they began to give input and ideas on how to do the final editing and rearrangements. We all sat and watched the presentation a couple more times. I teared up each time I saw it all through the editing stages. It was such an uplifting thing for us me to watch. That feeling was extended once again to those around me. This feeling of giving and sharing and caring and doing was growing and extending to everyone in our paths. I'm just loving it. As I gave the special gifts we created for each person, my family and friends were standing by via cell phone/ text waiting and wanting pictures and every detailed reaction as I personally gave them gifts. As each reaction was relayed my friends and family cheered and jumped up and down and produced tears of delight. The joy was all in the giving.
This year has been Magical.
We wanted no one to be excluded right down to the pizza delivery boy.
My sisters ordered a few days before Christmas. It was a cold snowy night the roads were horrible and dangerous. About $40 worth of food was ordered. One of my sister's looked at the other and said.... "the bill came to about 48$. Should we give him $60 and tell him to keep the change.... or should we tell him THIS....( she pulled out $100 bill) and tell him to keep the change?" They both grinned at one another. When the doorbell finally rang they were like silly little girls racing to get to the door. They took the food... handed him a crisp $100 bill and said... "Keep the change!" The look on his face... PRICELESS! He looked at them both and couldn't believe... "are you sure?" he kept stammering. Oh they were sure. The tip was bigger than the bill. The delivery guy couldn't have been more than 16 years old. He probably drew the short straw to have to make a delivery on such a night! For him, it was work. For my sisters it was all about bringing Joy to someone.... anyone.... a pizza delivery boy!
I guess my turn was next!
Christmas day I was told we needed to go to my other sister's house to open presents. Sure, why not? They called and wanted to know when we'd be coming. The time was unsure but we'd make it over there soon enough. Well soon enough ended up being about 5pm Christmas night. When we got there, they were JUST sitting down for dinner. "Oh, she's here, I can't wait NO MORE said my other sister." They instructed me to go sit on the couch. "but we can do this after dinner..." I was saying as she ran upstairs. "go get the video camera!" She yelled from downstairs. I was thinking what in the WORLD is going on. My other sister had been hinting all day that my present was too big to hide in her small apt. I figured they got me new flat screen TV or some other electronic thing I didn't need. I've never been so happy to be so wrong.
So I sat there on the couch eyes closed, blanket over my head to make sure I wasn't peeking. I could hear everyone scurrying around in into position. And then finally I hear... "OK... Open your eyes!"
I pulled the blanket off my head and was looking at the back side of a large portrait. The words on the back said:
"To Karyn and Alieshia A gift out of your dream" And is was signed by Greg Olson.
They turned the portrait around, it was a beautifully framed and I couldn't believe what I was looking at:
"Hand In Hand" by Greg Olsen.
I started shaking and crying. A week ago I saw this portrait for the first time and it brought tears to my eyes. I have a daughter who will be 18 next month. I had planned on giving her up for adoption. The week she was born, basically all hell broke loose and nothing went as planned. In my frustration I had a new born that I had no plans of raising. In my frustration I called my mother who simply said to me... "when you fasted and prayed about what to do with this baby, what was your answer?" I told her I really hadn't fasted or prayed, I just planned on giving the baby up. She suggested I hit the knees and petitioned my father in heaven to find out how to handle the situation. I spent the next day in fasting and prayer and by the end of the day I had the answer of what I was supposed to do. That night I dreamed of a little girl, dressed in pink with an afro puff in her hair walking hand in hand with the savior, and he was basically telling her to be patient with this crazy lady who she would call mama and would be raising her.
The next day I phoned Social Services and told them to extend my apologies for the family that was waiting to receive my daughter because I was going to be a mommy!
It was actually a relief to my social worker. I find out later that everyone felt I should be keeping the child. Everyone knew but me.
Now you can understand my reaction to the portrait? Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever own and large canvased sized portrait of any photo, not to mention this very special one!
My sisters all crying, my daughter next to me crying... couldn't WAIT to tell the whole story!
That's right, there's more.
3 days after I showed them the portrait online, they are out shopping. They decide to go to a Costco store. They started going to one Costco and for some reason ended up at a totally different Costco. They walked into the store and turned a corner and one of them saw a sign that said.. "Greg Olsen." And there was a line.
The sister's looked at each other in disbelief. And the plan had already been formed in both of their minds. They were suddenly on the same wave length. One sister went in search of the portrait.
The other sister actually cut to the front of the line, excused her self to the next person and approached Brother Olsen:
"I just have to know what was your inspiration for this portrait?"
He said it was always something he wanted to do but wasn't quite sure how to bring it to pass. Then My sister said...
" I have a story for you..."
and proceeded to tell him how 18 years earlier I had this struggle with giving a child up for adoption and the minute I decided to keep the baby, the dream i had of a little girl walking hand and hand with savior and him explaining to her about this crazy mother she was being sent to.
He said my story brought him chills and he wanted to meet me. My sister's bought 2 photo's that day said she needed 2 more. They got the 2 autographed and Brother Olsen's son called another store and they were holding them for my sister and she had only a couple hours to get them. Brother Olsen then proceeded to give them his home phone number and email so I could contact him! My sister mentioned that I'm the program director for the LDS Genesis Group and we'd love to have him speak. I'm to contact him and set up a time we could come over and have him autograph the other 2 portraits and discuss him doing a fireside for me.
I went back today and read the poem that goes along with this portrait. It reminds me maybe of how my daughter might of felt, waiting for me to make the right decision on her life:
Like a child in the woods I lost my way,
Alone and afraid I stopped to pray.
"Father in Heaven" I cried in my need,
"Please guide me home, I'll go where you lead."
Like a light in the forest he sent down his son,
My heart became warm, and new hope had begun.
"Take my hand and I'll lead you", I heard him say, "
Stay by my side for I know the way".
Now a child in the woods all filled with delight,
The journey is joyous as I walk in his light.
No longer alone in a shadow filled land,
He leads me home as we walk hand in hand.
- Greg Olsen
I truly have a firm testimony that when we are doing all we can to live righteously and are headed in a direction other than what God The Father has planned for us, we will not allow us to make major mistakes. I believe he will put people and events into place to help us recognize a that we may need to reconsider our current course. It's so important to live in a way that we can recognize and hear those tender promptings of the spirit. Prayer works. I have a new respect for the saying... " move heaven and earth..." because I have seen this happen so many times in the passed couple weeks.
Back to this "Holy" Day Season. I never gave much attention to the words.. "over joyed."
I am so in love with the people in my world. I never knew I could feel this abundance of love for those around me. It feels as if it is never ending and ever replenished. I don't want this feeling to ever end. I want to make this feeling contagious to everyone I care about because having this feeling every day makes life so much more meaningful. I can't find the proper words to express what this is.
My message to everyone is simple: BE LOVE and you will be loved.
Today after cleaning my apt from all the holiday cooking, baking, sewing, wrapping and other projects I sat down for a moment and thought about yesterday, Christmas day and the day before which was Christmas eve. I became so overwhelmed with emotion that I just broke down. Not so surprising, the last 2 days has already been so full of joyful tears, I figured I was all cried out. Not so much! I was so happy and so grateful for so many people in my life and what they mean to me.
I looked up and silently asked my father in heaven:
"How is it possible to feel so blessed and have soo much love for these people, I don't fully understand it!" It was almost frightening. Where was all this love for these people coming from?
A line from my patriarchal blessing popped into my mind: ....
"...you may receive the blessings that are there for the just... Blessings that will be so great that you cannot even contemplate at this time.."
I can't imagine there being more joy than this I have been feeling the last couple of weeks. And there is something very contagious about feeling pure joy, when it truly immerses you, you want everyone around you to share in it, and the spirit will put into your path those gifts to share. And when you're trying to
.. live as you should the Lord will make things happy for you and those around you. The results are amazing. I've seen and heard of some incredibly amazing things happen this month:
3 weeks ago My daughter said she had a surprise for me. She gave me a red sweater and a gray & black beanie and said... wear this and a pair of jeans and boots be ready by 10 am Sunday morning, we're being picked up. I had no idea what was she was up to but I Obeyed. Sunday morning I put on my uniform that my daughter bought for me and even through on some make up. ( I don't care for makeup) And was ready by 10:am. She had arranged for a woman in the ward to pick us up and take us into the canyons and did family Christmas portraits of us. It was fun. We did some posed shots and she did some candid shots and even go us snowball fighting.
(The photos' are wonderful and I love them :)
Just the 2 of us!
Laughin at my crazy mama!
U lookin at me?
Take That!
After the photo shoot in the woods we sat speaking with my photographer about how much she wanted to do something for me and this was what they came up with. She felt that I do so much for so many others. I was so touched. I mentioned to her that I would like to do the same thing for a family very special to me. I wanted to have some professional photo's taken of the children of a friend of mine. I wanted him to have some really nice photo's of his kids. I didn't have lots of cash and I WASN'T going to do the in studio portraits at a sears or JC penny or kiddie candid. Well without any further details she immediately said she would love to. No questions asked and no charge.
2 weeks later She drove 45 minute in a snow storm with below freezing temperature on a very windy day to do this for me. It took less than 20 minutes for the whole photo shoot but there was such a spirit of fun and joy & togetherness within that 2o minutes. Her joy was doing this for me. My joy was doing this for them. It was a snowball effect and people, events and things were coming together for everything good I wanted to do this holiday season and it was all being done with an overwhelming feeling of love for anyone who jumped on board.
I woke up Christmas eve realizing I had 4 quilts to put together. I had put so much else on my plate that I found myself slacking on some important project that needed to be done in less than 24 hours. I don't sew that great. But I can design and draw very well. When it came to sewing the quilts together I ran into problem after problem with the machine. My sister and daughter we great at answering my every frustrated call when the machine would stop working for whatever reason. As I sewed quilts, they tied them. I had roped them into another of my ideas and dragged them into the pressure of time constraints. The could have been upset with me. They probably should have. I was frustrated with myself. But they turned it into so much fun and laughter. And we had so much fun. talking about the quilts and the personalities that would soon be using them! I even ran out to deliver some pkg late Christmas eve and they chose to stay behind to finish tying the 3 quilts I had made that morning. That left me with one last one to finish on Christmas day.
After I had returned home late Christmas eve, my daughter had the idea to turn the photos my photographer had done of my friend's family into a movie presentation. She had already set up some pictures into a movie format and asked me what I thought. I liked what she was doing. She thought we should put it to music. My sister, knowing more about music than just about anyone I know she asked me what kind of music I wanted. I wanted something with a "gospel music" sound. I thought of the kids in the photos and their family. They had been through a lot this year. Some sad and dark days for sure. I wanted something that would strengthen their resolve and let the world know they had not been nor would be defeated. Something that they could look to be their family "National Anthem" for this next year. She found what we thought was the perfect song. We worked on the presentation all night and into the morning. My daughter using what she knew of the kids as her inspiration worked meticulously on this. When she finished she made the copies, one for each parent of the children. I was wired all night. I watched the presentation over and over and cried each time, such was the love I have for this family. I think I fell asleep about 6:30 Christmas morning and about 10:am I woke everyone up so we could finish our quilting. We all watched the DVD movie presentation one more time and my sister said... "something is missing, it's not complete."
After she said it there was an anxious little spirit in the room. We all felt it, I started to tear up and get overcome with emotion and nodded in agreement.
"you know what we have to do don't you?"
I asked.
My sister and daughter nodded as well. We'd be taking a trip out a cemetery to take pictures of the other family member which had that passed away some years earlier. There was such an excitement to do this that I had a hard time focusing on the other tasks for today.
About 4 pm camera's in tow we went to the cemetery and uncovered the little resting place of the missing angel who belonged in the video/movie we had spent the night before producing. We then scurried off to another friend's house for dinner.
There, we would insert the other pictures and finish the DVD presentation to be gifted later that night. When we showed our other friends the movie we were doing and explained why, they began to give input and ideas on how to do the final editing and rearrangements. We all sat and watched the presentation a couple more times. I teared up each time I saw it all through the editing stages. It was such an uplifting thing for us me to watch. That feeling was extended once again to those around me. This feeling of giving and sharing and caring and doing was growing and extending to everyone in our paths. I'm just loving it. As I gave the special gifts we created for each person, my family and friends were standing by via cell phone/ text waiting and wanting pictures and every detailed reaction as I personally gave them gifts. As each reaction was relayed my friends and family cheered and jumped up and down and produced tears of delight. The joy was all in the giving.
This year has been Magical.
We wanted no one to be excluded right down to the pizza delivery boy.
My sisters ordered a few days before Christmas. It was a cold snowy night the roads were horrible and dangerous. About $40 worth of food was ordered. One of my sister's looked at the other and said.... "the bill came to about 48$. Should we give him $60 and tell him to keep the change.... or should we tell him THIS....( she pulled out $100 bill) and tell him to keep the change?" They both grinned at one another. When the doorbell finally rang they were like silly little girls racing to get to the door. They took the food... handed him a crisp $100 bill and said... "Keep the change!" The look on his face... PRICELESS! He looked at them both and couldn't believe... "are you sure?" he kept stammering. Oh they were sure. The tip was bigger than the bill. The delivery guy couldn't have been more than 16 years old. He probably drew the short straw to have to make a delivery on such a night! For him, it was work. For my sisters it was all about bringing Joy to someone.... anyone.... a pizza delivery boy!
I guess my turn was next!
Christmas day I was told we needed to go to my other sister's house to open presents. Sure, why not? They called and wanted to know when we'd be coming. The time was unsure but we'd make it over there soon enough. Well soon enough ended up being about 5pm Christmas night. When we got there, they were JUST sitting down for dinner. "Oh, she's here, I can't wait NO MORE said my other sister." They instructed me to go sit on the couch. "but we can do this after dinner..." I was saying as she ran upstairs. "go get the video camera!" She yelled from downstairs. I was thinking what in the WORLD is going on. My other sister had been hinting all day that my present was too big to hide in her small apt. I figured they got me new flat screen TV or some other electronic thing I didn't need. I've never been so happy to be so wrong.
So I sat there on the couch eyes closed, blanket over my head to make sure I wasn't peeking. I could hear everyone scurrying around in into position. And then finally I hear... "OK... Open your eyes!"
I pulled the blanket off my head and was looking at the back side of a large portrait. The words on the back said:
"To Karyn and Alieshia A gift out of your dream" And is was signed by Greg Olson.
They turned the portrait around, it was a beautifully framed and I couldn't believe what I was looking at:
"Hand In Hand" by Greg Olsen.
I started shaking and crying. A week ago I saw this portrait for the first time and it brought tears to my eyes. I have a daughter who will be 18 next month. I had planned on giving her up for adoption. The week she was born, basically all hell broke loose and nothing went as planned. In my frustration I had a new born that I had no plans of raising. In my frustration I called my mother who simply said to me... "when you fasted and prayed about what to do with this baby, what was your answer?" I told her I really hadn't fasted or prayed, I just planned on giving the baby up. She suggested I hit the knees and petitioned my father in heaven to find out how to handle the situation. I spent the next day in fasting and prayer and by the end of the day I had the answer of what I was supposed to do. That night I dreamed of a little girl, dressed in pink with an afro puff in her hair walking hand in hand with the savior, and he was basically telling her to be patient with this crazy lady who she would call mama and would be raising her.
The next day I phoned Social Services and told them to extend my apologies for the family that was waiting to receive my daughter because I was going to be a mommy!
It was actually a relief to my social worker. I find out later that everyone felt I should be keeping the child. Everyone knew but me.
Now you can understand my reaction to the portrait? Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever own and large canvased sized portrait of any photo, not to mention this very special one!
My sisters all crying, my daughter next to me crying... couldn't WAIT to tell the whole story!
That's right, there's more.
3 days after I showed them the portrait online, they are out shopping. They decide to go to a Costco store. They started going to one Costco and for some reason ended up at a totally different Costco. They walked into the store and turned a corner and one of them saw a sign that said.. "Greg Olsen." And there was a line.
The sister's looked at each other in disbelief. And the plan had already been formed in both of their minds. They were suddenly on the same wave length. One sister went in search of the portrait.
The other sister actually cut to the front of the line, excused her self to the next person and approached Brother Olsen:
"I just have to know what was your inspiration for this portrait?"
He said it was always something he wanted to do but wasn't quite sure how to bring it to pass. Then My sister said...
" I have a story for you..."
and proceeded to tell him how 18 years earlier I had this struggle with giving a child up for adoption and the minute I decided to keep the baby, the dream i had of a little girl walking hand and hand with savior and him explaining to her about this crazy mother she was being sent to.
He said my story brought him chills and he wanted to meet me. My sister's bought 2 photo's that day said she needed 2 more. They got the 2 autographed and Brother Olsen's son called another store and they were holding them for my sister and she had only a couple hours to get them. Brother Olsen then proceeded to give them his home phone number and email so I could contact him! My sister mentioned that I'm the program director for the LDS Genesis Group and we'd love to have him speak. I'm to contact him and set up a time we could come over and have him autograph the other 2 portraits and discuss him doing a fireside for me.
I went back today and read the poem that goes along with this portrait. It reminds me maybe of how my daughter might of felt, waiting for me to make the right decision on her life:
Like a child in the woods I lost my way,
Alone and afraid I stopped to pray.
"Father in Heaven" I cried in my need,
"Please guide me home, I'll go where you lead."
Like a light in the forest he sent down his son,
My heart became warm, and new hope had begun.
"Take my hand and I'll lead you", I heard him say, "
Stay by my side for I know the way".
Now a child in the woods all filled with delight,
The journey is joyous as I walk in his light.
No longer alone in a shadow filled land,
He leads me home as we walk hand in hand.
- Greg Olsen
I truly have a firm testimony that when we are doing all we can to live righteously and are headed in a direction other than what God The Father has planned for us, we will not allow us to make major mistakes. I believe he will put people and events into place to help us recognize a that we may need to reconsider our current course. It's so important to live in a way that we can recognize and hear those tender promptings of the spirit. Prayer works. I have a new respect for the saying... " move heaven and earth..." because I have seen this happen so many times in the passed couple weeks.
Back to this "Holy" Day Season. I never gave much attention to the words.. "over joyed."
I am so in love with the people in my world. I never knew I could feel this abundance of love for those around me. It feels as if it is never ending and ever replenished. I don't want this feeling to ever end. I want to make this feeling contagious to everyone I care about because having this feeling every day makes life so much more meaningful. I can't find the proper words to express what this is.
My message to everyone is simple: BE LOVE and you will be loved.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Fraternaties & Sororities
My Daughter and I were watching "STOMP THE YARD" the other day. The language was somewhat to be desired but it was a pretty good show. I can remember going to the parks on Saturday growing up and watching the step teams practice and do their things. I miss it. Steppin' is a big time feature of the black fraturnities and sororities. I've always wanted to belong to a Sorority. My Grandmother was part of the AlphKappa Alpha's. http://www.aka1908.com/ So is my Sister In Law, the same Soro. My Younger brother is member of the Omega Si Phi http://www.omegapsiphifraternity.org/. It's pretty cool to watch him and his wife do what they do in their organizations. I've got twinge of jealously. Well I had a twinge of jealousy. Until I go this fabulous idea the other day :)
I went to the Church Distribution Center to get a couple things and renew my church magazine prescription, bought a couple of books and dvd's. And I was walking by the ctr rings. I've got about 3 different ones some place. The Hawaiian one was pretty cool. I also liked the Korean and Hungarian ones.
But what caught my eye were just the regular one's they hand out in primary. You know the kind that turn your finger green? yeah they had a bunch of them in different languages. What caught my eye was the one in Greek! It looke like a real Frat or Soro ring.
Anyone who knows me knows my imagination is outta control wants it gets started. I'm staring at this Greek CTR ring and I'm really diggin it. I tell myself.... you know what? I AM part of a sorority:
CTR: Chi Theta Rho!
Ok so it's not a literal translation but it's was the closest I could find.
I'm marketing this to be my new sorority! Anyone can join they simply need to have a desire and show evidence of choosing the right or wanting to choose the right. And I'm heavily recruiting. I'm even going to buy some of the rings to pass out to sorority sisters and frat brothers. How cool would it be if none of us were ashamed to wear that little primary ring that turns your finger green and make a firm stand to choose the right? I'm game. I love the thought of belonging to a World Wide Sorority/Fraternity organization. I thing it'll be the topic of my next Youth Fireside...and I'm going to pass out the rings to all the youth how cool would THAT be?
I encourage everyone to join... and more importantly to recruit! And for .71 cents you, too, can get your Fraternity/Sorority ring :)
Friday, December 14, 2007
How We Got To Be LDS~
My first recollection of anything religious was my mom reading us bedtime stories from the bible. Our family wasn't a member of any church during that time, but everynight when my father was working my mom would pull out her big white family bible and read to us. I enjoy it. When I was about 4 or 5 years old i can remember being outside sunday morning playing and a bus would come around and pick up the neigborhood kids and they've disappear for a couple of hours then return. On day my siblings and I got on the bus. Keep in mind if I was about 5 years old, my younger brother was 4, my older sister was 6 and our older brother was probably 8 years old.
One day we just jumped on the bus with our friends and went to church! It was fun, a bunch of your friends on this bus singing songs like
This little Light of mine
Amen
Jesus Loves The Little Children.
We'd get off the bus and be ushered into this church where we colored pictured of Jesus and sang more songs and had a bible study. They collected penny's from everyone and then we got on the bus and went back home. I loved it. What I didn't like was they made us spit out our gum during bible study. They said they would give up a piece after wards but they never did. Since i never got my gum back I decided to keep my penny's cuz they lied to me each week. After bible study we'd go hear rather loud exciting sermon then get on the bus and sing all the way home. What better way to spend the sabbath then being on a "FUN BUS" with all your school yard and neighborhood buddies singing songs about Jesus, away from the parents for a few hours! Good stuff.
My father and I were talking just last night about this and he said....
" your mother and I must have lost our minds! What parents send their kids off on a random bus that collects kids take them away for a couple of hours and bring them back? We had no idea where you were or what you were doing. Then one Sunday you all came in the house singing books about the bible. So we figured you were learning some good stuff and retaining it. We continued to let you go for a while. It was great. Then your mother and I decided that it was probably time we all get some religion. So one day we all went to the church you were going. And you never went back after that."
"well how come?" I ASKED
" man, them people were holy rollin in the isles and back then, we used to joke about them kind of people!" ( I started crackin up !")
"But I think (he continued) that the best thing that ever happened to our family is the day your mother and I got invited to a dinner and 2 young men with the same first name of elder were there!. I'm not sure what direction we would have been headed as a family, but I KNOW that we are better off now then we would have been had we never joined the church." And he proceeded to bear his testimony. It was an awesome moment. My dad and i talked for nearly 6 hours last night. Laughing and joking most of the time about our time in the church.
A walk down memory lane: He used to officiate church basket ball. He talked about one time when he toss a stake president out of the game and then ejected him from the building. He uppercut a guy! LDS basket ball is VICIOUS and dad didn't take no crap. He said it was disheartening to watch priesthood brothers to act that way towards each other. I asked him if he ejected that Stake President before he got the priesthood?He said... "yeah, and as a matter of fact, He was the one who gave me the priesthood." I had to laugh about that. ONLY in the LDS church!
We shared some really fun memories about growing up in the Church. For a couple years my father played Santa Clause for the Ward Christmas parties. My dad is an AWESOME Santa Clause.
It seemed for a time we were always having ward parties at our house. Before we joined my dad would black mail the missionaries into playing with our family. They'd have to go sledding or to the winter park with us if they wanted us to hear the next discussion. Fun times. When I look back at our family and the whole LDS experience it really has been a Joy! My parents were really good about finding joy in the church while we were younger. Don't get me wrong it's been tough being in the world and not of the world. Yes we ARE a peculiar people. I've been hanging with some pretty amazing kids this summer and fall and we talk about some of the things we can and can't do as church members. I'm so impressed with them and their committment to staying pure till marriage and not dating too soon and so on. One day they asked me what makes me so cool. I get that alot when I'm hangin with teenagers... "you are soo cool." I tell them... "you know what makes me cool? Being LDS makes me cool. Yeah we have some freakish cultural stereotypes (funeral potatoes, jello, casseroles and what not...) But we do alot of cool stuff as Mormons. We have a really cool legacy. We have a networking program for taking care of each other like no bodies business. And no matter where you go in this world, if you are lost, hungry, alone or scared, for the most part you can pick up a phone book, call an LDS bishop and pretty much feel secure." And you don't HAVE TO BE LDS to have that, we'll help anyone.
To me, that's pretty cool.
I LIKE being LDS. I haven't always liked it, but now I am so proud to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
PS... I miss that penticostle bus, though!
One day we just jumped on the bus with our friends and went to church! It was fun, a bunch of your friends on this bus singing songs like
This little Light of mine
Amen
Jesus Loves The Little Children.
We'd get off the bus and be ushered into this church where we colored pictured of Jesus and sang more songs and had a bible study. They collected penny's from everyone and then we got on the bus and went back home. I loved it. What I didn't like was they made us spit out our gum during bible study. They said they would give up a piece after wards but they never did. Since i never got my gum back I decided to keep my penny's cuz they lied to me each week. After bible study we'd go hear rather loud exciting sermon then get on the bus and sing all the way home. What better way to spend the sabbath then being on a "FUN BUS" with all your school yard and neighborhood buddies singing songs about Jesus, away from the parents for a few hours! Good stuff.
My father and I were talking just last night about this and he said....
" your mother and I must have lost our minds! What parents send their kids off on a random bus that collects kids take them away for a couple of hours and bring them back? We had no idea where you were or what you were doing. Then one Sunday you all came in the house singing books about the bible. So we figured you were learning some good stuff and retaining it. We continued to let you go for a while. It was great. Then your mother and I decided that it was probably time we all get some religion. So one day we all went to the church you were going. And you never went back after that."
"well how come?" I ASKED
" man, them people were holy rollin in the isles and back then, we used to joke about them kind of people!" ( I started crackin up !")
"But I think (he continued) that the best thing that ever happened to our family is the day your mother and I got invited to a dinner and 2 young men with the same first name of elder were there!. I'm not sure what direction we would have been headed as a family, but I KNOW that we are better off now then we would have been had we never joined the church." And he proceeded to bear his testimony. It was an awesome moment. My dad and i talked for nearly 6 hours last night. Laughing and joking most of the time about our time in the church.
A walk down memory lane: He used to officiate church basket ball. He talked about one time when he toss a stake president out of the game and then ejected him from the building. He uppercut a guy! LDS basket ball is VICIOUS and dad didn't take no crap. He said it was disheartening to watch priesthood brothers to act that way towards each other. I asked him if he ejected that Stake President before he got the priesthood?He said... "yeah, and as a matter of fact, He was the one who gave me the priesthood." I had to laugh about that. ONLY in the LDS church!
We shared some really fun memories about growing up in the Church. For a couple years my father played Santa Clause for the Ward Christmas parties. My dad is an AWESOME Santa Clause.
It seemed for a time we were always having ward parties at our house. Before we joined my dad would black mail the missionaries into playing with our family. They'd have to go sledding or to the winter park with us if they wanted us to hear the next discussion. Fun times. When I look back at our family and the whole LDS experience it really has been a Joy! My parents were really good about finding joy in the church while we were younger. Don't get me wrong it's been tough being in the world and not of the world. Yes we ARE a peculiar people. I've been hanging with some pretty amazing kids this summer and fall and we talk about some of the things we can and can't do as church members. I'm so impressed with them and their committment to staying pure till marriage and not dating too soon and so on. One day they asked me what makes me so cool. I get that alot when I'm hangin with teenagers... "you are soo cool." I tell them... "you know what makes me cool? Being LDS makes me cool. Yeah we have some freakish cultural stereotypes (funeral potatoes, jello, casseroles and what not...) But we do alot of cool stuff as Mormons. We have a really cool legacy. We have a networking program for taking care of each other like no bodies business. And no matter where you go in this world, if you are lost, hungry, alone or scared, for the most part you can pick up a phone book, call an LDS bishop and pretty much feel secure." And you don't HAVE TO BE LDS to have that, we'll help anyone.
To me, that's pretty cool.
I LIKE being LDS. I haven't always liked it, but now I am so proud to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
PS... I miss that penticostle bus, though!
Monday, December 10, 2007
I've Done Some Crazy Things At Christmas...
Last night I did the craziest thing surrounding Christmas holidays. I've done the 12 days of Christmas. I've build a snow village in the middle of the night in someones front yard. I've build a snowman on top of a car roof. My Waffles & Christmas Stories Event is always a crazy thing. But this thing I did last night, at least for me, tops it. My daughter plays the violin. My sister sings and has sang with Steven Kapp Perry, Michael Mc clein, Merril Jenson and a few other old school LDS music people. Me? I follow really well. I can sing with people if I know the song. I don't read music at all.
Well my daughter was playing orchestra in the Stake Christmas Fireside last night. She invited my sister to come along. I went along for the ride. I heard them saying words like.... "Music... "dividing into sections...." "chorus..." but some where I missed the "sing along" part.
Our Stake did a Messiah Sing along last night! Little did I know what I was going to be in store for. We walked into the stake center and most of the chapel was almost full. My sister and I found a seat. She then asks, what I think is the weirdest question.... "what section is this?" I'm thinking.. Section? What does she mean? "tenors" was the answer. She turns to me and says.. ."we need to move." I'm thinking.. move? Why on earth would we need to move? So we travel around the chapel looking for a another spot to sit. The stake music coordinator was handing out this really thick book to anyone who needed them. I grabbed one for my sister, she would want to know the program, right? Well she ALREADY knew the program. I soon find out that this is a MESSIAH "SING ALONG." Now I had heard something about these things, but I wasn't sure what it was and what it all entails. And somewhere in my sister and daughter's conversing about it over the phone, I COMPLETELY missed it. Well, too late to back out now, we were about to get started. We had an opening prayer and then the guy from the stake announced what the program was and how it works and my jaw dropped to the floor. My sister was all sorts of giddy. My daughter, was eyeballing me from her orchestra seat holding back laughter. I sort of looked around uncomfortably and I noted that several people had their OWN copy of this thick book they handed me earlier. As the books opened they had their stuff marked up and highlighted with notes and ques and scribbles and everything else. I was feeling REALLY uncomfortable and nervous. My heck it was JUST singing. I've sang before. I've sang by myself before. Not often. Not even very well, but I've shamelessly done it. Anyway, I soon find out that WE, the audience are actually going to be singing the Chorus to the Messiah. OK, so how bad can it be?
Let me tell you how bad it can be. I was sooooooooo lost. first of all I know what good music sounds like, and I can sing on to the radio with the best of them. I can even do a karaoke duet. But this thing.... I looked at the music and was absolutely freakin lost! I cant read music, didn't know what notes to follow... didn't even know what LINE I was supposed to be singing until 1/2 way through the things and that was because I finally peeked at the music sheet of the lady on the other side of my sister and she had it highlighted. I tell you it was CUH-RAY-ZEE! I was messing up ALL over the place. But hey, they conductor at the beginning said
"it's all in fun, if you mess up, so what, keep going and just enjoy yourself!"
yeah, right!
I couldn't have messed up more if I had busted out with Ludarcris' "Pimpin All Over the World."
One I got the hang of it, which was the last song "Hallelujah." It was actually pretty fun. My sister LOVED IT! my daughter loved watching ME struggle and she played in the orchestra pit. Well, I don't feel too badly. My friend was there, she can't sing either. Her husband is a composer. She was so lost that her husband was singing "turn the page..." to the Hallelujah Chorus.
(turn the page! Forever and ever.. hallelujah, hallelujah!)
Yeah, that was definitely the craziest things I've ever done at Christmas.
Everyone should try it at least once!
Well my daughter was playing orchestra in the Stake Christmas Fireside last night. She invited my sister to come along. I went along for the ride. I heard them saying words like.... "Music... "dividing into sections...." "chorus..." but some where I missed the "sing along" part.
Our Stake did a Messiah Sing along last night! Little did I know what I was going to be in store for. We walked into the stake center and most of the chapel was almost full. My sister and I found a seat. She then asks, what I think is the weirdest question.... "what section is this?" I'm thinking.. Section? What does she mean? "tenors" was the answer. She turns to me and says.. ."we need to move." I'm thinking.. move? Why on earth would we need to move? So we travel around the chapel looking for a another spot to sit. The stake music coordinator was handing out this really thick book to anyone who needed them. I grabbed one for my sister, she would want to know the program, right? Well she ALREADY knew the program. I soon find out that this is a MESSIAH "SING ALONG." Now I had heard something about these things, but I wasn't sure what it was and what it all entails. And somewhere in my sister and daughter's conversing about it over the phone, I COMPLETELY missed it. Well, too late to back out now, we were about to get started. We had an opening prayer and then the guy from the stake announced what the program was and how it works and my jaw dropped to the floor. My sister was all sorts of giddy. My daughter, was eyeballing me from her orchestra seat holding back laughter. I sort of looked around uncomfortably and I noted that several people had their OWN copy of this thick book they handed me earlier. As the books opened they had their stuff marked up and highlighted with notes and ques and scribbles and everything else. I was feeling REALLY uncomfortable and nervous. My heck it was JUST singing. I've sang before. I've sang by myself before. Not often. Not even very well, but I've shamelessly done it. Anyway, I soon find out that WE, the audience are actually going to be singing the Chorus to the Messiah. OK, so how bad can it be?
Let me tell you how bad it can be. I was sooooooooo lost. first of all I know what good music sounds like, and I can sing on to the radio with the best of them. I can even do a karaoke duet. But this thing.... I looked at the music and was absolutely freakin lost! I cant read music, didn't know what notes to follow... didn't even know what LINE I was supposed to be singing until 1/2 way through the things and that was because I finally peeked at the music sheet of the lady on the other side of my sister and she had it highlighted. I tell you it was CUH-RAY-ZEE! I was messing up ALL over the place. But hey, they conductor at the beginning said
"it's all in fun, if you mess up, so what, keep going and just enjoy yourself!"
yeah, right!
I couldn't have messed up more if I had busted out with Ludarcris' "Pimpin All Over the World."
One I got the hang of it, which was the last song "Hallelujah." It was actually pretty fun. My sister LOVED IT! my daughter loved watching ME struggle and she played in the orchestra pit. Well, I don't feel too badly. My friend was there, she can't sing either. Her husband is a composer. She was so lost that her husband was singing "turn the page..." to the Hallelujah Chorus.
(turn the page! Forever and ever.. hallelujah, hallelujah!)
Yeah, that was definitely the craziest things I've ever done at Christmas.
Everyone should try it at least once!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
I'm not sure what happened to me tonight, but it was an interesting experience. I was in a book store earlier this evening looking for a couple of gifts, a couple books and DVDs. The overhead speakers were playing holiday/seasonal music throughout the store as patrons came in and out of the shop. I faintly noticed my favorite holiday carol overhead and didn't pay too much attention to it as I thumbed through books and photos and journals with gift purchasing through my mind.
At one point I sort of stopped in my tracks. I'm not sure what stopped me or why but I became still and it seemed as if the overhead music was much louder than before. In that stillness something came over me. The feeling was so strong and deep that my breath and my heart quickened and my eyes began to tear up. Was it the Celtic sounds of the my favorite carol overhead? I had never heard this version before: instrumental version of "What Child is This?" played on a Celtic flute. The music seemed to fill my very being and tears that had welled up in my eyes began to spill over. I quickly blinked and brushed them away but they would continue to flow steadily. I was sniffling and catching quick little breaths. What was happening to me? There was no sadness or anger or even frustration, although in the last three days there had been plenty of it. I tried to retire to an unoccupied corner of the bookstore where I could go back and gain some kind of control. What in the world was going on here? I had absolutely lost my composure and I couldn't explain why even if I wanted to. The feeling was quite, sweet. It was burning deep through me like a spot light on stage piercing my very skin. I walked around the rows of books and other gifts sniffling and wiping away tears.
"Get yourself together, girl what is wrong with you!"
I repeated in my head. The funny thing is, nothing WAS wrong. I can't think of one thing that was upsetting to me that would have cause such a reaction. It was a feeling of calm and peace over me. Almost like a silent love was enveloping me and filling me with grace, hope and love. The words "testify of me and my love" kept going through my head. There was anxiousness in the thought as if I needed to get some urgent message out. I found myself nodding my head as if to say.. " I will, I promise!" The feeling stayed with me for a little while before it slowly faded off. It didn't leave, it just sort of faded off like the dying of a large fire into a smaller one. A warmth still resides within me.
There comes a time, for me, each year when the Spirit of Christmas arrives. And when it hits, it really hits and it feels like Christmas. I belive this year it hit extremely early and in a book store. Tonight I've taken a journey of the passed 12 months. This time last year my world was so crumbled and upside down I didn't ever feel as if I would get it together. When I think back of the pain, hurt, sorry, and sadness that myself and many of my friends have endured the last 12 months, I am in awe of their strength. I drew from them in my weakest moments. I am amazed at how Heavenly Father has sustained me and those around me. I am blessed to be surrounded by those who were eager for my joy and happiness, who took my burden, prayed with me and for me and helped me recognize and believe that that no matter what I've been going through, heavenly father wants me to succeed. He will meet me where I am no matter what my condition is and he is ready and waiting to bless me. I only need to believe, trust and have faith. It took some doing. I had to get to the point where I could no longer stand myself or the condition I was in to takes the steps needed to make the changes I wanted to have in my life. And when all was said and done I was instructed to "go forth and testify of God's love for his children. There are those around you who will need to hear your testimony. It will save them." It reminded me of a blessing I rec'd about 13 years ago that mentioned "your life will be a testimony of Jesus Christ" Wow. When I think back at some of the many blessings I have had and how they companion each other through the years, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I know he has aligned people, places and events in my life to guide me closer to him. I am so grateful for the a Loving Heavenly Father who is just and merciful and knows me so personally and intimately that he has tailored a path specifically for me to follow so I can return to him with honor. I'm grateful for that opportunity. I'm grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ who came into this world for me and whose love was so great for us all that he willingly allowed himself to be humiliated, beaten, tortured and crucified. The very least I can do is make sure I live in such a way that those drops of blood he shed for me were not in vein. The least I can do is make sure my words and actions are not a mockery of that sacrifice. I know God loves us, his children. I believe in Jesus Christ and I know he lives today.
I hope that someday all who comes across this message will receive that same witness, and have the desire to come unto Christ.
Jesus IS the Reason for the Season.
Happy "Holy'days!
At one point I sort of stopped in my tracks. I'm not sure what stopped me or why but I became still and it seemed as if the overhead music was much louder than before. In that stillness something came over me. The feeling was so strong and deep that my breath and my heart quickened and my eyes began to tear up. Was it the Celtic sounds of the my favorite carol overhead? I had never heard this version before: instrumental version of "What Child is This?" played on a Celtic flute. The music seemed to fill my very being and tears that had welled up in my eyes began to spill over. I quickly blinked and brushed them away but they would continue to flow steadily. I was sniffling and catching quick little breaths. What was happening to me? There was no sadness or anger or even frustration, although in the last three days there had been plenty of it. I tried to retire to an unoccupied corner of the bookstore where I could go back and gain some kind of control. What in the world was going on here? I had absolutely lost my composure and I couldn't explain why even if I wanted to. The feeling was quite, sweet. It was burning deep through me like a spot light on stage piercing my very skin. I walked around the rows of books and other gifts sniffling and wiping away tears.
"Get yourself together, girl what is wrong with you!"
I repeated in my head. The funny thing is, nothing WAS wrong. I can't think of one thing that was upsetting to me that would have cause such a reaction. It was a feeling of calm and peace over me. Almost like a silent love was enveloping me and filling me with grace, hope and love. The words "testify of me and my love" kept going through my head. There was anxiousness in the thought as if I needed to get some urgent message out. I found myself nodding my head as if to say.. " I will, I promise!" The feeling stayed with me for a little while before it slowly faded off. It didn't leave, it just sort of faded off like the dying of a large fire into a smaller one. A warmth still resides within me.
There comes a time, for me, each year when the Spirit of Christmas arrives. And when it hits, it really hits and it feels like Christmas. I belive this year it hit extremely early and in a book store. Tonight I've taken a journey of the passed 12 months. This time last year my world was so crumbled and upside down I didn't ever feel as if I would get it together. When I think back of the pain, hurt, sorry, and sadness that myself and many of my friends have endured the last 12 months, I am in awe of their strength. I drew from them in my weakest moments. I am amazed at how Heavenly Father has sustained me and those around me. I am blessed to be surrounded by those who were eager for my joy and happiness, who took my burden, prayed with me and for me and helped me recognize and believe that that no matter what I've been going through, heavenly father wants me to succeed. He will meet me where I am no matter what my condition is and he is ready and waiting to bless me. I only need to believe, trust and have faith. It took some doing. I had to get to the point where I could no longer stand myself or the condition I was in to takes the steps needed to make the changes I wanted to have in my life. And when all was said and done I was instructed to "go forth and testify of God's love for his children. There are those around you who will need to hear your testimony. It will save them." It reminded me of a blessing I rec'd about 13 years ago that mentioned "your life will be a testimony of Jesus Christ" Wow. When I think back at some of the many blessings I have had and how they companion each other through the years, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I know he has aligned people, places and events in my life to guide me closer to him. I am so grateful for the a Loving Heavenly Father who is just and merciful and knows me so personally and intimately that he has tailored a path specifically for me to follow so I can return to him with honor. I'm grateful for that opportunity. I'm grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ who came into this world for me and whose love was so great for us all that he willingly allowed himself to be humiliated, beaten, tortured and crucified. The very least I can do is make sure I live in such a way that those drops of blood he shed for me were not in vein. The least I can do is make sure my words and actions are not a mockery of that sacrifice. I know God loves us, his children. I believe in Jesus Christ and I know he lives today.
I hope that someday all who comes across this message will receive that same witness, and have the desire to come unto Christ.
Jesus IS the Reason for the Season.
Happy "Holy'days!
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I earned some temporary wings!