Tuesday, December 4, 2007

I'm not sure what happened to me tonight, but it was an interesting experience. I was in a book store earlier this evening looking for a couple of gifts, a couple books and DVDs. The overhead speakers were playing holiday/seasonal music throughout the store as patrons came in and out of the shop. I faintly noticed my favorite holiday carol overhead and didn't pay too much attention to it as I thumbed through books and photos and journals with gift purchasing through my mind.
At one point I sort of stopped in my tracks. I'm not sure what stopped me or why but I became still and it seemed as if the overhead music was much louder than before. In that stillness something came over me. The feeling was so strong and deep that my breath and my heart quickened and my eyes began to tear up. Was it the Celtic sounds of the my favorite carol overhead? I had never heard this version before: instrumental version of "What Child is This?" played on a Celtic flute. The music seemed to fill my very being and tears that had welled up in my eyes began to spill over. I quickly blinked and brushed them away but they would continue to flow steadily. I was sniffling and catching quick little breaths. What was happening to me? There was no sadness or anger or even frustration, although in the last three days there had been plenty of it. I tried to retire to an unoccupied corner of the bookstore where I could go back and gain some kind of control. What in the world was going on here? I had absolutely lost my composure and I couldn't explain why even if I wanted to. The feeling was quite, sweet. It was burning deep through me like a spot light on stage piercing my very skin. I walked around the rows of books and other gifts sniffling and wiping away tears.
"Get yourself together, girl what is wrong with you!"
I repeated in my head. The funny thing is, nothing WAS wrong. I can't think of one thing that was upsetting to me that would have cause such a reaction. It was a feeling of calm and peace over me. Almost like a silent love was enveloping me and filling me with grace, hope and love. The words "testify of me and my love" kept going through my head. There was anxiousness in the thought as if I needed to get some urgent message out. I found myself nodding my head as if to say.. " I will, I promise!" The feeling stayed with me for a little while before it slowly faded off. It didn't leave, it just sort of faded off like the dying of a large fire into a smaller one. A warmth still resides within me.

There comes a time, for me, each year when the Spirit of Christmas arrives. And when it hits, it really hits and it feels like Christmas. I belive this year it hit extremely early and in a book store. Tonight I've taken a journey of the passed 12 months. This time last year my world was so crumbled and upside down I didn't ever feel as if I would get it together. When I think back of the pain, hurt, sorry, and sadness that myself and many of my friends have endured the last 12 months, I am in awe of their strength. I drew from them in my weakest moments. I am amazed at how Heavenly Father has sustained me and those around me. I am blessed to be surrounded by those who were eager for my joy and happiness, who took my burden, prayed with me and for me and helped me recognize and believe that that no matter what I've been going through, heavenly father wants me to succeed. He will meet me where I am no matter what my condition is and he is ready and waiting to bless me. I only need to believe, trust and have faith. It took some doing. I had to get to the point where I could no longer stand myself or the condition I was in to takes the steps needed to make the changes I wanted to have in my life. And when all was said and done I was instructed to "go forth and testify of God's love for his children. There are those around you who will need to hear your testimony. It will save them." It reminded me of a blessing I rec'd about 13 years ago that mentioned "your life will be a testimony of Jesus Christ" Wow. When I think back at some of the many blessings I have had and how they companion each other through the years, I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. I know he has aligned people, places and events in my life to guide me closer to him. I am so grateful for the a Loving Heavenly Father who is just and merciful and knows me so personally and intimately that he has tailored a path specifically for me to follow so I can return to him with honor. I'm grateful for that opportunity. I'm grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ who came into this world for me and whose love was so great for us all that he willingly allowed himself to be humiliated, beaten, tortured and crucified. The very least I can do is make sure I live in such a way that those drops of blood he shed for me were not in vein. The least I can do is make sure my words and actions are not a mockery of that sacrifice. I know God loves us, his children. I believe in Jesus Christ and I know he lives today.

I hope that someday all who comes across this message will receive that same witness, and have the desire to come unto Christ.

Jesus IS the Reason for the Season.
Happy "Holy'days!

1 comment:

S'mee said...

this is awesome.

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