I'M NOT WEARING PANTS TO CHURCH ON 12/16/12!

I'm not sure whose "brilliant" ideah it was to make today "wear Pants to church day" for the Mormon women but I'm not following "suit."
This may very well be a black thang.
     I guess thousands of Mormon women are feeling oppressed in their dresses and pressured to conform to what they call social norms.
        I have never felt this way. I think sometimes Mormons folks get confused as to what is doctrine, what is opinion and what is tradition. You would think after reading and knowing the Book of Mormon that we'd recognize the possible harms of following tradition as doctrine.
And be more inclined to seek answers for ourselves.
    The greatest examples are those things such a withholding the Priestood from worthy black members or not being allowed to drink caffeine. These practices went on for years I believe mostly due to traditions passed on and not questioned til years later.
    I've been LDS 40 of my 45 years. I know this makes me a Black Pearl of Great Price!
Some feel that its all I know. But I remember going to the neighbor Penticostle church. It was fun jumping on the Sunday school bus with the rest of the kids in the neighborhood and singing songs about how Jesus Loves me. My Great-grandfather, Reverend Henry Flowers had his own Baptist Church back in the day. I've frequented several of friends and family members and in doing so I am not afraid or pressured into wearing a dress to church. Quite the opposite! I am honored to do so and do it freely by choice.
I come from a strong black heritage, a strong southern heritage, and a strong Mormon heritage. Two of those heritages trump the one on this 'wear pants to church day'.
     I can't imagine having the conversation with my Mama:
" Mama they wearing pants to church today...."
"Who is they?"
"Well its wear pants to church today for the women.."
"What women? Not for no women in MY house. Cuz we don't dress for nobody but the Lord on Sunday. When we enter His house the women of THIS house will give him our best.
I dont know a black woman alive who wears pants to church.  I don't know a southern woman alive who wears pants to church. I'm not saying their aren't any I'm just saying I am not aware of any.
We black folks love dressing up for Jesus!!!  And other important occasions.

We don't all dress to be part of or to go against social norms. We black folks "DRESS" out of respect and Love for Jesus and Heavenly Father.
I'm not surpised to see this sort of thing come about in the church...after all it comes from s place where people would rather dress up for a daily paycheck and show up in jeans and shorts or business casual for your wedding reception. (Yes Mormon folks...weddings and funerals ARE formal or. Semi- formal occasions.)
When I walk into the Lord's house for worship I want to present my best self in attitude, actions and appearance.
If it were a pantsuit Damn skippy I'd be wearing one.
I have 6 days a week to make political statements and market whatever agenda I believe in. However, Sunday is not the day and my Father's house is not the place.
I'm not concerned about feeling oppressed or inferior in church. I was taught the Lords house should be the one place every person should know or feel like they belong no matter their station in life. No matter their appearance. I choose to wear my best. I don't care if you come in boxers and wife beaters or halter an mini skirt I'm just glad you came. Sad to say most do not and may never feel they way.

I'm not saying anyone can't properly worship and learn about the Lord according to the close I wear.  My personal reasonings on wearing my dresses and skirts is I act more appropriately when dressed this way. I'm more readily available to put off the things of the business of the  world and focus on spiritual things of the world. 
    If dressing and presenting ourselves properly weren't so important  I wonder if these same women wearing pants to church would make the same statement of wearing pants  instead of a wedding dress??  Why not do  "not wear a bra to church" day? NOW THAT I can get into. I'd say pantyhose and slips but I stopped Wearing those 10 years ago. (Don't tell my mama)  I don't see the point in this wearing pants movement. I've always felt I could wear what I want...and I have for the most point.

I think people put boundaries on themselves due to traditions because they haven't the eggs or esteem to dare to be their own kind of beautiful. They're too worried about what the ward busy body is thinking or what the ward gossip is spreading or disapproving looks from the pastor, priest, elders or bishops. If I felt I were  properly presenting my self in slacks at church on Sunday no one could stop me from wearing them. But I dress my best for Jesus. And even though I dress my best for Jesus, he will take me as is. Hollaluyer!!!

IF YE ARE PREPARED YE SHALL NOT FEAR!!

Final words regarding the 2012 election. I am deeply saddened at the realization of who some people truly are. This election has separated, the nations, friends and family. Which says more about the people, then it does about the Presidency. I've been instructed to  always respect and pray for those in leadership positions regardless of how I personally have felt about them because they will always need guidance. I have been given this counsel from my parents, church leaders and even educators.  THIS election I am ashamed to admit who I know. Not by how they voted and who they supported. But by the verbal vomit they display upon the victory or loss of who they supported.  I have heard and seen people who call themselves Christians display so much hate and intolerance and even a refusal to pray for the aid of our nation's leaders for being the anti Christ and followers of Lucifer.  It amazes me that it comes to that depth hate and negativity as to say THIS election is the door that opens up the Second Coming.   If I could throw a reality slap across the United States right now, I would.  WHY does it have to go THAT FAR? Why does the President Re-elect have to be an Anti-Christ? A devil worshiper? The reason the 2nd coming will come upon us more quickly?   Why can't he just be "one more president I didn't vote for who won the election?" Why are those who did vote for him "Ignorant freeloaders who want a hand out?
     IS GOD NOT IN CHARGE? I believe he is.  He was in charge during slavery. He was in Charge during the depression. He was in charge During the Hitler Years....and he is in charge now.  He has a plan. Regardless of how we humans may mess up, HE HAS A PLAN.  AND HE IS WORKING THAT PLAN.  I believe the plan wont a minute before it's supposed to.  I have a hard time believing most of the comments about the election and president re-elect are inspired or prompted by  the Holy Spirit of Promise.   while we point the finger, stand in judgment and wade in hate and negativity WE do more damage to our country than any one president could ever do.  And if you do feel "prompted and inspired" to continue to spew such hatred, negativity, judgement, toward Our President Re-elect and anyone who may have supported him I plead with you to get down on your knees and pray for tolerance, patience, and direction as to what YOU can do in your homes, lives, churches and communities to help get this country back on it's feet.  Talks is noise. Complaining about it to each other doesn't help. Being angry at anyone who voted and supported differently than yourself...is a waste of time. It is costing people family members and friendships.

   If we truly have faith that Heavenly Father is in charge...and nothing man can do can halt the work of the Lord... then we ought to be ashamed of ourselves for the treatment of those having a differing opinion.      Jesus  is not coming back before he is supposed. In the mean time. We still have much work to do.   IF YE ARE PREPARED YE SHALL NOT FEAR.   I'm not scared.... ARE YOU? 

KISS ME I VOTED!!!

2012 SUMMER OLYMPICS!

If you know me you KNOW I love the olympics. 2012 has not disappointed. It's been as exciting as I hoped from day 1.  The thrill of the competition, the pride of winning, the heart break of broken hopes and dreams and the love of the olympic spirit. So many Images from the start and all throughout. So many images that were striking and burned in my memory.  I think my first Images s of the Olympics Logo itself.   I always hope the Host Country does well because it would totally be lame if you hosted the olympics and your olympian were crappy. I hear  Great Britain is having some of their best Olympics Yet!. Well done, GREAT BRITAIN, WELL DONE

Anyway, take a look at what my mind hit on the last 2 weeks. Let's see if any of them match yours.

 It looks like a puzzle from my preschool days. I don't get it, but I think ti's cool anyway and I really like the version below best.

Here are some of my favorite images and stories for these xxx olympics: 

   I laughed so hard at Mr Bean. And Typically I don't even like him. But now, I think I love him and am looking forward to going back and watching some of his work.

 Michael Phelps disappointments his first couple days of competition. He looked hard and didn't appear to be enjoying himself at all.  I even questioned... "Why are you there, you just don't look like you want to be there?"

And then Phelpsy Showed up. There he is. Even his countenance was better. As if he decided to have fun, and enjoy it to the fullest instead of just to win. Remember this guy?  He is THE most decorated Olympian OF ALL TIME!!  

Best of luck in your all your future endeavors!!!

So what next for the U.S Swm Men's Team?  Lookie at who I'll be watching in the pool:

      

   

Nathan Adrian and Cullen Jones!

 What about this guy, you ask?

 Not impressed. To me he came off as an arrogant grill smiling pool pissin ass. Y'all can have him! 

Let's talk about more of those great images.

 Little Sista Gabby Douglas in mid flight!  

  Dear Martin Luther King. You had a dream. And it's come true! But black folks keep hatin on each other. Little sista Gabby  won the CROWN JEWEL of the women's summer olympics event and all black folks could to was talk about her hair did. Help us, Dr King to keep hope alive.   I cry  looking at this picture becase black foks are known athletically for playing basket ball. We're  "supposed to be "scared of water, scare of heights, scared of 'insert whatever here.)   Within the same 4 years a Black American President (that doesn't mean i did or did not  vote for him) and a  Black Gold medal  Olympian in Gymnastics.  I'm loving it!

 Icing on the cake: Im a Kelloggs Kid. Born and raised in Battle Creek Michigan. My Grandfather retired from Kelloggs. My Father retired from Kelloggs. Seeing this tops it. It's Gggrrrrrreeaattt!!

How about  Little Miss Missy?

I tried to find a picture of her NOT smiling but i dont have that kind of time.  I love EVERYTHING about this girl. She refused endorsements so she could continue to compete on a high school level with her team. Not too many teens would have done that. She also  turned down moving out of her home state and finding a more ""notable" coach. So she could train better. She said, why fix what's not broken.   She gives all the hometown girls next door a model to look up to with the perfect attitude.

                                                             Situations with tearful smiles are the best situations ever!

  What did you think when you first saw this guy?

Yeah ME TOO! about 100 different thoughts went through my mind. The first one was..."What the....??"

The second one was  Oh hell yeah, that's fantastic!"  the last one was... WOW, and he's handsome too!.

 I know some where in there I probably grabbed the remote to make sure I was on the right channel and not watching the Paralympics. He stole my heart, the little theirf. And ran around a track with it.

I cried when I saw this:

Here was a paragraph from "THEGAURDIAN" online news magazine: "All eyes in the Olympic Stadium were still on Pistorius, though. Even those of the winner, Grenada's Kirani James, who made a point of swapping name tags with Pistorius after the race, the pair sharing a warm embrace.

"Oscar is special," said James, the world champion, who ran 44.59. "It's a memorable moment for me to be out there competing with him."  

In an athlete spotlight documentary it mentioned he was born without a Tibia in both legs so at 11 months both were amputated below the knee. As a kid his mom would tell him and his older brother:

 "go outside and play." She’d say, “Carl, get your shoes on” and “Oscar, get your legs on.” When they would go outside to play, his mother would tell him, “If your brother climbs a tree, you climb it too.”  

 To the average person, it sounds like no big deal. When you look at Oscar they are some of the 

most powerful words spoken.

South Africa Call him "THE BLADE RUNNER"  This African American calls him AMAZING!!

  

I didn't think I liked Usain Bolt. I found him arrogant in the face of alll those left behind to eat his dust.

But it really is no different than when The U.S.A held the fastes men on Earth. Something changed my mind about this Jamaican.

 During a live interview with a spanish reporter, The USA National Anthem begin to play for our Gold medal winner. The reporter expercting to interview through the presentation was stopped midsentance by "the Bolt."

http://www.videotruffle.com/2012/08/06/usain-bolt-stops-tv-interview-in-deference-to-the-national-anthem-of-the-united-states-of-america/

If you can't click the link, copy and paste it. It's worth it.  This was a really great move in the spirit of the Olympics. To the fastest man in the world. I commend you! Thanks for the respect and for living the true 

Olympic Spirit..."

And i really had to check myself:

It's not really any worse than these beautiful Butterflies.

Check out this handsome dude:


 He's awesome because he got US into the 1600 meter relay Finals even though we didn't participate in the finals.


 Here's the Story from Associated Press in London:   Manteo Mitchell heard the POP! and knew it wasn't good. "It felt like somebody literally just snapped my leg in half," he said.

The American sprinter had 200 meters to go in the first leg of the 4x400-meter relay preliminaries Thursday and a decision to make: keep running or stop and lose the race. To him, it was never much of a choice.

He finished the lap and limped to the side to watch the Americans finish the race and qualify easily for the final. A few hours later, doctors confirmed what he suspected: He had run the last half-lap with a broken left fibula.

THIS is what an Olympian looks like running on a broken leg

This is an xray of a broken fibula. And this isn't even a worse case.

  When I broke my big toe and fractured my left ankle 3 times it dropped me to my knees. I have a high pain tolerance. After all I had my daughter without any pain medication. So I can handle pain. But I can't miagine continuing tto run on a broken leg. Then again, I'm not an Olympian.




Ok this next Image is cool to me.


Felix Sanchez.
  Yeah I know,  Most Olympians cry what's so special about THIS one, you ask?

Felix Sanchez was U.S Born to Dominican Parents. He has Dual citizenship. He was raised by his Abuela. (Grandmother)  Sanchez was extremely Successful in the Athens Olympics. He hoped to and was on track to repeat in Beijing.

    He recived some devastating news on the day of his trials befor his first heat.  Abuela, the woman who raised him. The woman he loved and honored most in the world had passed away.

  his own words:'I got news on the morning of the first round in Beijing that she had died,' he explained. 'That affected me. I cried the whole day.

'I ran but I ran badly and I made a promise that day that I would win a medal for her. It took me four years."

He's lived in America all his life abut has such a respect for his Grandmother he runs under her flag to honor him.  I think it's a beautiful tribute.

Remember this controversy just 2 days ago:

Leo Manzano, Mexican Immigrant whose family moved to the U.S.A when he was 4. He said

 "I am honored and excited to represent the United States and Mexico by earning this  Silver"

Some were annoyed at  his choice to carry the flags of both his heritages. Should he be proud? I don't have a problem with it, He's sort of the American dream isn't he?  How do you feel about his tributes to two countries?

My last Image is a unique one. It's the story about a Man without a country.

Were I him, I would choose to be an Olympian without a country too.

Guor Marial is from South Sudan. He did not wish to compete for his country. He opted to compete independantly under the Olympic Federationl

If you remember the opening Ceremonies the 3 delegates under the Independent Flag Smiled, Played and Danced their way into the stadium. I feel like Immediately adopted them into my own heart.  Athletes who typically come as independents come from countries that have dissolved or are in some sort of reorganizational situation. But no The South Sudanese

 At the age of 8 Guor was kidnapped and forced into a labor camp during his countries Civil war which killed  28 members of his family Marial ran 3 days and 3 nights and was eventually able to escape into Egypt and then to the United State who granted him refuge. He has permanent Refugee status in the U.S but is not a citizen. So he does not compete under our flag. His parents survived the Civil War. 8 of his brothers and sisters did not. He was offered by the Olympic Committee of Sudan to compete under their flag. He refused.

His reasoning? "It's not right for me to do that. It's not right for me to represent the country I refuged from and "If I ran for Sudan, I would be betraying my people. I would be dishonoring the two million people who died for our freedom."  BOOYAH!!  There was a time when he ran for his life. Now he runs to compete. For the joy of it. If you haven't guessed by now Marial is a marathon runner. His event is the final event of the olympcs. He may not win a medal. But the fact that his parents will be able to see him compete is medal enough. They have not seen each other in 20 years.  I believe he will run into the hearts of many.

Did I mention it's been a most fantastic Olympics? I probably say that every year and II'll be sad to see them go.for 2 years.

 But there are words that will forever ring in my ears when I feel like giving up.

"Gold medals are made out of sweat, blood and tears and effort in the gym every day." ~ Gabby Douglas

"If your brother climbs a tree, you climb it too"  Oscar Pistorius's Mother

"" If I can help inspire children to become active and have a dream, I would feel very proud" Oscar Pistorius

Guar Marial once ran 3 days and 3 nights... for his life!

Manteo Mitchell made the olympics finals on a broken leg.

Ryan Lochte is an ass and Husain Bolt, not so much. *who knew?*

It's ok to relax, let loose and enjoy the ride. (I learned this by Watching Missy Franklin and Michael Phelps)

It is ok to be proud of all of your Heritage (Manzo & Sanchez)

Most importantly : It is possible for the Youth of the world to come together in one sandbox and play nicely with each other. 

Amazing How The Lord Keeps Us Connected To Each Other!

Today is the 34 th Anniversary of the Proclamation of Every Worthy Male in the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints having the Priesthood Restored to them.

When Joseph Smith was prophet a Man named Elijah Abel became a member of the church. He was of African American Descent and did indeed hold the Priesthood and ordained an elder on March 3, 1836 in Kirtland, Ohio by Joseph Smith.

In 1839, Abel was made a member of the Nauvoo Seventies Quorum. This would make him a General Authority.

In 1843, Abel served a mission in New York and then Abel remained a seventy, and in 1884 he served a final mission in Canada passing away shortly after he returned home.

The priesthood was not always held from the black men of the church. In Elder Abels Patriarchal Blessing he was told ..” Thou shalt be made equal to thy brethren…”

His posterity also was not withheld the priesthood:

At least two of Abel's descendants —his son Enoch and Enoch's son Elijah —were ordained to the priesthood: Enoch was ordained an elder on November 27, 1900; and Elijah was ordained an elder on September 29, 1935

In 2002 I was blessed to be at the Monument Dedication to him in the SLC Cemetery and also during that time blessed to be part of the cast of “I AM JANE” which is an autobiographical theatre production about the life of the first Black LDS Pioneer Jane Manning James. I feel as if I have come to know him by the history finally shared with us about the lives of Elijah Abel and Jane Manning James.

Before Joining the LDS Genesis Group I had no idea of the rich history of the Black Mormon Pioneers. My Parents Joined the Church back in 1973. The priesthood was not restored until this date, June 8, 1978, 5 year later. The LDS Genesis group was Established in October 1971. The First Presidency of the LDS Genesis Branch consisted of

President Ruffin Bridgeforth 1 st Counselor Darius Gray 2 nd Counselor Eugene Orr.

These 3 men saw the need for additional fellowship and care of the black members of the church and went to speak to the Brethren regarding ways to strengthen and support the testimonies of the black members in the church. Though Brother Bridgeforth passes away before I began going to the LDS Genesis Group,  we honor them, their sacrifice, their efforts their strength, their love for current and future generations of LDS members of all races. I am also honored they call me Sister, Daughter and Friend.

Last week at Genesis we had the honor of Meeting the great great great grandson of Elijah Abel. He's LDS and only recent discovered his rich pioneer heritage and has begin to research it himself. He also shared with us the Graves of some of his family members are unmarked graves. Since my daughter is attending USU in Logan He talked with her about the old cemetery landslide in Logan where not everyone was recovered and moved to the current cemetery. We  talked about a service project to restore the sites and remedy the markings. It was exciting to have him join us and exciting to watch the elation on his face as some of the Genesis members were better able to educate him on his ancestry. I’m excited for future projects with this young man and what the Genesis Group can do to restore our rich LDS Black Pioneer Heritage.

It feels as if we’ve almost come full circle in the History of this day from 34 years ago.
I’m excited to be the Chairperson of next year's  Genesis celebration of the 35th Anniversary of Every worthy Male of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints next year. I’ve most of my committee in place and am anxious to get started with the planning.

It has been a most amazing experience so far this year in being surrounded with those who have come into my life to fan the glowing embers of my weakened testimony, returning them to flames of hope and strength. I am eternally grateful to my Father in Heaven for being so severely aware of me and my needs and placing these people in the right place at the right time.

Relay For Life

My Relay Center

This link is to my team's web page forthe American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.

I am participating in the American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life because I want to make a meaningful difference in the fight against cancer and not just type out some Status on facebook for others to like and copay and past to their status for an hour.

Almost everyone has been touched by cancer, either through their own personal battle or through someone they love.
 A month ago my Step-mother left this life due to this awful disease. It has been truly heart breaking. Over 20 years ago I lost My Grandmother. Just about 40 years ago My Papa. Cancer research has done wonders in finding new cures. My step-mother's life was extened about 6 years because of new medications. She became too ill and was overcome before she could try one of the latest. There is Hope in the research and studies. Hope that we have a few more birthdays, mother's days, father's days and many other holidays a few more years. There is Hope we are gaining ground in finding even more cures in over coming this disease. With that hope comes another day we are able to spend with the ones we love.  I don't want to another person I love to have to die with Cancer. Do you?

 Please consider donating in memory of someone how has passed or in Honor of someone who bravely lives on defeating this disease.

 Thank God for those who work tirelessly to help us breath another day.
And thank you for your contributions.

~ Black Mormon Girl.

Relay For Life

My Relay Center

This link is to my team's web page forthe American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.

I am participating in the American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life because I want to make a meaningful difference in the fight against cancer and not just type out some Status on facebook for others to like and copay and past to their status for an hour.

Almost everyone has been touched by cancer, either through their own personal battle or through someone they love.
 A month ago my Step-mother left this life due to this awful disease. It has been truly heart breaking. Over 20 years ago I lost My Grandmother. Just about 40 years ago My Papa. Cancer research has done wonders in finding new cures. My step-mother's life was extened about 6 years because of new medications. She became too ill and was overcome before she could try one of the latest. There is Hope in the research and studies. Hope that we have a few more birthdays, mother's days, father's days and many other holidays a few more years. There is Hope we are gaining ground in finding even more cures in over coming this disease. With that hope comes another day we are able to spend with the ones we love.  I don't want to another person I love to have to die with Cancer. Do you?

 Please consider donating in memory of someone how has passed or in Honor of someone who bravely lives on defeating this disease.

 Thank God for those who work tirelessly to help us breath another day.
And thank you for your contributions.

~ Black Mormon Girl.

The Investment With The Best Return: Family!!!

Yesterday we laid my stepmother to rest. She was married to my father for 15 years. They divorced 4 years ago and she took back her maiden name.
All week I've been able to maintain composure even during the service. Maybe partly because everything regarding her life and death was referring to her was in her full given name. We referred to her by her middle name with our last name.  I just called her "Mama J."
  Mama J was diagnosed with cervicle cancer I believe it was 2006. She improved greatly for a couple of years and them the disease slowly wrecked its havock. Easter Sunday would be her last day on this sphere. she passed 2am Monday Morning.
I recieved the news about 9:30am. That evening my brother, sister and I went to the home of my step sister to help with anything they would need.
It was a painful and rough passing for Mama J. Hours of agitation and discomfort. It was heartbreaking to hear. But such a relief to know she is shed of a body that's held her back from progressing any more in this life.
I spent most of the week doing my typical daily routines. Friends and co workers quietly voiced their concern in my quiet trance-like manner many inquiring why I was even at work this week. 
I know myself pretty well.  I was numb. Didn't know what I was feeling or how to feel. I've never had a parent pass before. I knew I was on auto pilot. Than means my mind has shelfed the issue until further notice to deal with at a different time. When the time comes the switch will be tripped and I'll know it because my emotion will be in control and I'll have no choice bit to submit to them.

After the funeral yesterday  we had a celebration of life gathering. My step sisters set up a display table of pictures and items in  her life that meant so much to her: everything from her horse saddle and boots down to her reading glasses.

My step sisters really did an amazing job on everything.
Towards the end of the display table were her scriptures that held her known name and our family surname.
"Jeanette Dudley"

It was a reality switch. It was as if everything I've learned of the Gospel and had been feeling that week fell upon me like an avalanche. 

Me: Inconsolable for a good 30 minutes.
My daughter took me to a side room where my emotions had it out with themselves. I .WAS.SO.MAD!!!!
I'M STILL MAD.
Not at God for calling her home.

I'm mad she and my father divorced in what seemed like her greatest time of need.  It was disappointing and embarrasing to me. Some of us kids felt the relationship could have easily been repaired. We also understand we have limited knowledge and insite. Regardless of their issues we still regard them as family. Our parents are still sealed for eternity.
I'm mad because I think the immediate years , months and days before her passing could have been so much easier for her were she and my father still together.  I could be totally wrong and off base In my thinking. I'm willing to be wrong.

  While in the room my father came in and sat with me as  I sobbed those gut wrenching sobs.  He spoke some words I don't really remember but I'm sure will come back to me. I do recall him saying 
"She was very vocal about the things she wanted. She didn't express a desire to initiate a temple seperation and I was not going to. I believe the issues we couldn't work out on this side of the veil will be worked out on the other."

I'm extremely happy Mama J is kicking it up with her parents, older brother, and many other family members including those from my father's side that are meeting for the first time.
I'm grateful for the knowledge that we are blessed on the other side of life to be reunited with those we love and that some of the issues we can't resolve in this side of life will indeed be resolved on the otherside.

* I suggest if at all possible to work it out on this side so you can be about a peaceful eternity*

It's A Mormon Thang!!!

http://t.co/eUpSEjMX -- Another Child Of God (@blackmormongirl)

Learning when to apply each phrase is one of life's best secrets.

This would have been tragic

http://t.co/6tYTFXex -- Another Child Of God (@blackmormongirl)

Know, Child, That You Are Loved!

It was the third Saturday of the month and time for the Genesis Leadership meeting. I pulled into the parking lot, found a spot, and parked. And just sat there. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and I quickly tried to blink them away. Mama Viki and Papa Randy were just getting from their car and they stood waiting for me to join. I pulled the key from the ignition,opened the door and stepped out of the car locking it. I walked over to them. Mama Viki slipped her arm around me and asked
"Hi, how are you?" as we began to walk toward the building.
I glanced away as tears started to well up again and answered
"I don't really know how I am..."

She said "OH? Well how come?"

I answered:
"This building. This place has such a hold over me, it's just hard to be here..."

June 21,2008 I had a PTDS breakdown in that building. It didn't help that Feb 2012 I was in the throws of a relapse of it. When a relaspe happens all perception, judgment and communication is off kilter. There's really no filters in what I say or think because it's survival mode and I communicate the best I can, some times it coming across rude, brash, insensitive, emotional... you name it, it comes out how it comes out. Basically all bets are off.

The last time I was in the building was December 5th 2011 for the funeral of a young man I shared a lot of memories and moments with in that building. I was his youth leader for about 4 or 5 years.

Mama Viki was a victim of PTSD. It was her who recognized the hysterics of having the breakdown at the time it happened and was able to guide everyone on how to get me the immediate and after care help I needed.

She said:
"take the building back. Own it. Focus on the good times, You're in charge. Take back your power."

I know she's right. It's been almost 4 years and being in that builing for two long still makes me physically sick to my stomach.

I was blinking back tears as ee walked into the building and went into the meeting room.
I walked in and headed for a seat next to Papa D (President Darius Gray) He stood up put his arms around me, with a big hello. Then he pulled back, looked into my eyes as he always does and said..
"You look good!"
I smiled weakly at him.
In sure he felt a discomfort in me.
He said..

"Do you like to be rubbed on?" I fell silent and nodded..
"Take off that big ole coat sit your self down right here and lets fix you up!"
He faced the back of my chair toward him.... and gently began to massage my back and neck.

President Howell seated on the other side of me said...
"Give me your legs and feet..."

For the first 15 minutes of the meeting I let myself be gently taken care of and the tears I hid before turned into graditude, safety and security at least for that day.

I looked up and caught Mama Viki's eyes. She smiled and said...
"See? Focus on the good times!"

The whisperings in my mind said... "YES, Focus on the good times and know, Child, that you are loved."

My Message to you today is... Know, child, that even when you don't feel like it, you are loved. And let that knowledge flood your being until you feel you are loved.

Make ME The Poster Child For SUCCESS!

When you see me you will see a statistic: A black women who grew up in a broken home and a child out of wed lock at the age of 22 and didn't graduate college. I'm a menace to society and strain on the Government. I declare to you and to the world that I am a poster child. A poster child for success. February 2012 has been emotional for me. I do what I do each year during black history month: I think of my ancestors and what they've gone through, I watch the programs they put on TV about famous activist and citizens who left their mark in history: Rosa Park, Martin Luther King, The Delany Sisters. This year I watched the Lena Baker story which devastated me into a PTSD relapse I'm still fighting my way out of. For those don't know the story, Google will provide a history.

It is true I did have a child out of wedlock. I never graduated college and I was on the welfare system for 2 years. Also at one time I held 3 jobs and went to night school all at the same time while maintaining service callings in church. Each time I started to climb the "ladder to success" according to traditional means I got knocked down a rung or two. My plan was not God's plan so I submitted to his.

I went to work. I focused on my daughter's education. I focused on being an available parent and not brushing her education off to JUST the public school systems alone.. I required she pick a sport, and insturment and a language. She excelled. I took the time to be at performances and make sure she was at practices and participate. SHE made sure she was committed and when she wasn't she did it anyway. She couldn't drop out or quit in the middle she had to see it through to the end, not letting down teammates and learning to be true to her commitments.
I focused on her cultivating good friendships,good work ethic and self esteem. I spent time with her. We argued, we yelled, we screamed. I even apologized when I was wrong or when I hurt her. I was tough, I was fun, I WAS MOM. Today at age 44 none of the passed has changed. I am still that statistic you see. I am also that poster child you do not see.

My Daughter is in college at a state university on a scholarship. She did all she was asked in regards to schoolShe had a part time job that has propelled her into a training position. She is doing so well her professors are asking her to present at conferences for others already in the profession she has chosen to go into. They are pleading with her to go to Graduate School. The dean of College tracked her down at her job and offered her a paid internship and a paid apprenticeship to help with Graduate school. She has been offered an internship during the summer for credit towards her senior year of College. Remarkably everything has fallen in place for her from the time I brought her home from the hospital when she was 24 hours old. Because she is successful I, too am successful. I am not alone in my success.

I claim it for my family who took my daughter in during the summers and cared for her while I relished in time for myself. For family members who spend time, money and talent to help me raise a function member of society who can function on her own talents and abilities. I claim it for my church community who placed their hands upon our heads when we were sick, depressed and needed special care. I claim it for The Ballard and Smith Families in Provo, Utah whose home she spent so much time at growing up they truly could have claimed her on their taxes.
I claim it for my Mother and Father who, me being the odd man out, I KNOW were scared for my success in this world. I claim it for my Grandmother who great-granddaughter bares a remarkable striking resemblance of her and what she stands for, who happens to be going into the same profession. I claim it for my Grandma who I bear a remarkable striking resemblance to.
I purchased my own home in October of 2011.
Never in my life did I imagine being a property owner. This month, especially, as I get my new house in order I am overcome with emotion in recognition of the conditions my native American and slave ancestors survived in: Dirt floors, unclean water, no windows, sun up and sundown in the fields, living under the fear of being snatched and sold to another. I am in recognition for those who lost jobs, homes, dignity and were abused because of their participation in marches and boycotts and any behavior to find equality. I claim my success for them. This weekend I painted the last wall in my new home. I burst into tears. I am grateful for those who lost their lives in the hope that this day would come for me and others like me. That I would be successful in anything that crossed my path that I chose to act upon. I feel like my how is all of their homes to and I MUST honor the space I choose to live. Compared to their homes I am in a mansion. And in God's home are many mansions of all size, shapes and accomodations.

I am successful. Not by what I have but by what I do with what I have and I share that success. I share it with all family and friends, I claim it for anyone who I took from and gave to out of need because I want you to know I passed on your kindness to others in hopes to add links to chains of compassion, love and kindness. I claim it for passed, present and future people who have embraced me and mine and who will embrace me and mine. I claim it for me because of you AND I claim it for all of you and YOU DARE NOT DENY ME.

Make ME The Poster Child For SUCCESS!

When you see me you will see a statistic: A black women who grew up in a broken home and a child out of wed lock at the age of 22 and didn't graduate college. I'm a menace to society and strain on the Government. I declare to you and to the world that I am a poster child. A poster child for success. February 2012 has been emotional for me. I do what I do each year during black history month: I think of my ancestors and what they've gone through, I watch the programs they put on TV about famous activist and citizens who left their mark in history: Rosa Park, Martin Luther King, The Delany Sisters. This year I watched the Lena Baker story which devastated me into a PTSD relapse I'm still fighting my way out of. For those don't know the story, Google will provide a history.

It is true I did have a child out of wedlock. I never graduated college and I was on the welfare system for 2 years. Also at one time I held 3 jobs and went to night school all at the same time while maintaining service callings in church. Each time I started to climb the "ladder to success" according to traditional means I got knocked down a rung or two. My plan was not God's plan so I submitted to his.

I went to work. I focused on my daughter's education. I focused on being an available parent and not brushing her education off to JUST the public school systems alone.. I required she pick a sport, and insturment and a language. She excelled. I took the time to be at performances and make sure she was at practices and participate. SHE made sure she was committed and when she wasn't she did it anyway. She couldn't drop out or quit in the middle she had to see it through to the end, not letting down teammates and learning to be true to her commitments.
I focused on her cultivating good friendships,good work ethic and self esteem. I spent time with her. We argued, we yelled, we screamed. I even apologized when I was wrong or when I hurt her. I was tough, I was fun, I WAS MOM. Today at age 44 none of the passed has changed. I am still that statistic you see. I am also that poster child you do not see.

My Daughter is in college at a state university on a scholarship. She did all she was asked in regards to schoolShe had a part time job that has propelled her into a training position. She is doing so well her professors are asking her to present at conferences for others already in the profession she has chosen to go into. They are pleading with her to go to Graduate School. The dean of College tracked her down at her job and offered her a paid internship and a paid apprenticeship to help with Graduate school. She has been offered an internship during the summer for credit towards her senior year of College. Remarkably everything has fallen in place for her from the time I brought her home from the hospital when she was 24 hours old. Because she is successful I, too am successful. I am not alone in my success.

I claim it for my family who took my daughter in during the summers and cared for her while I relished in time for myself. For family members who spend time, money and talent to help me raise a function member of society who can function on her own talents and abilities. I claim it for my church community who placed their hands upon our heads when we were sick, depressed and needed special care. I claim it for The Ballard and Smith Families in Provo, Utah whose home she spent so much time at growing up they truly could have claimed her on their taxes.
I claim it for my Mother and Father who, me being the odd man out, I KNOW were scared for my success in this world. I claim it for my Grandmother who great-granddaughter bares a remarkable striking resemblance of her and what she stands for, who happens to be going into the same profession. I claim it for my Grandma who I bear a remarkable striking resemblance to.
I purchased my own home in October of 2011.
Never in my life did I imagine being a property owner. This month, especially, as I get my new house in order I am overcome with emotion in recognition of the conditions my native American and slave ancestors survived in: Dirt floors, unclean water, no windows, sun up and sundown in the fields, living under the fear of being snatched and sold to another. I am in recognition for those who lost jobs, homes, dignity and were abused because of their participation in marches and boycotts and any behavior to find equality. I claim my success for them. This weekend I painted the last wall in my new home. I burst into tears. I am grateful for those who lost their lives in the hope that this day would come for me and others like me. That I would be successful in anything that crossed my path that I chose to act upon. I feel like my how is all of their homes to and I MUST honor the space I choose to live. Compared to their homes I am in a mansion. And in God's home are many mansions of all size, shapes and accomodations.

I am successful. Not by what I have but by what I do with what I have and I share that success. I share it with all family and friends, I claim it for anyone who I took from and gave to out of need because I want you to know I passed on your kindness to others in hopes to add links to chains of compassion, love and kindness. I claim it for passed, present and future people who have embraced me and mine and who will embrace me and mine. I claim it for me because of you AND I claim it for all of you and YOU DARE NOT DENY ME.