Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Deseret Books SHOULD sell CUSS JARS!
"Flippin Fetchers!" "Fetchin Flippers?" "Kiss my bumm!" "BFE" "WTH?"
What the HELL?
Welcome to Mormon Cuss words folks. We've all said them. In our heads, out loud, under our breath. Some of us less shameful folks don't even bother with the Mormon words.
SHAMEFUL. I know I'm shamed but OMG, you have no idea how much better I am. That's
"Oh My Goodness" in my mind folks.
No matter how badly my profane tongue has gotten it will not and has not Exodus 20:7. LOOK IT UP!
Im sad to say I once went a whole year without cussing. OH, I'm sad because I can only remember 1 year in my adult life where I can remember not cussing. It was hard work. I had decided not to cuss for 365 days. It was an interesting year because I began to analyze under what circumstances one would choose profanity. The one thing I come to realize? Profanity is used in ALL Circumstances. But the saddest realization was when it came so Automatic that folks didn't realize it was part of their everyday language. When a sentence or paragraph couldn't be spoken w/o cussing.
We use profanity in place of nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives,interjections...even terms of endearment! Movies use it for dramatic effect. Music uses it for status. Comedians use it for a laugh. Our cars advertise it on bumper stickers: "it Happens" Profanity for whatever reason sells. It's a money maker.
Over the last couple years my language has gotten pretty weak. I could sit here and blame it on circumstances, situations and the world around me. Truth be told I just cared too little what words my mouth would speak in those moments of choice, I chose incorrectly.
20 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter I had a mouth on me. One day my brother, who was a U.S Marine at the time, came home and told me " My staff sergeant said you have a mouth on you worse than any Marine he's been around."
My first thought was "who the bleep* is she and why should I care what he thinks I'm not a marine so I don't give a "bleep" what your Staff sergeant thinks."
As I said that I caught my reflection in the mirror. What I saw.. wasn't pretty. My reflection held a true moment of reflection. I had a serious problem with cussing. You know when you put a $50 bill in the cuss jar on pay day for a Cuss Credit... you got problems
About a week later, I installed a cuss jar in the house. "A BUCK A CUSS!" I imposed this upon the whole household. Choice and Accountability folks...aka Paying for your sins. If you chose to cuss, it would cost you a dollar. You know what, it worked! Throughout the years it has worked every time I've installed it. I think my proudest moment was when my brother and sister in law held a gathering a couple months later and one of the marines cussed. Without a 2nd thought another marine stepped up and said
"PAY UP man! You can't be cussin in here!"
Then walked over to the jar, picked it up, and squared off with Pvt Foul mouth who promptly paid up and apologized. BOOYAH!
The cussing jar worked for months. And after about 2-3 month we racked up some cash!
I'll tell you what we did with it later.*
Through out the years I've installed and reinstalled the cuss jars. Some times the price is a buck. Sometimes it 5 bucks. Sometimes it's a quarter. What I've done various things with the money made paying for my sins.
Well folks Im ashamed to say... It's time for me to reinstall the cuss jar. Yes, I know, it's like verbal smoking without the Nicotine... I keep quitting. Just like everything else, trying to overcome is a process. Sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail. I'm sure one of these days I'll get over it. But that will never happen if I just say forget it, I'm done trying.
I'll be looking for jars this week. Most any jar will do. My last jar is now a planter. (kinda funny, i threw a leaf in with some water and it sprouted roots and started growing other leaves. I wonder if the residue from verbal fertilizer helped?
I figure I can't be the ONLY Mormon out there needing a cuss jar. This is exactly why Deseret Books should sell them. Im sure it would be much like getting caught at the store on Sunday by your bishop:
"Opps... well see Bishop... our Ass was in the Mire and.. .well... we forgot dessert... and... you just can't have Apple pie without Ice Cream" You're so busy fessing up you don't realize he's at the store too, buying Jello!
I only say that to bring up the point. We are Latter Day Saints. We are Christians. AND WE ARE HUMAN! We are going to backslide... in ALL Areas. The important thing is that we don't get S.O.S: "Stuck On Stupid!" Believe me I have been S.O.S before but I'm learning to vacation there less and less.
So back to what happens with the $$ in the cuss jar. That first year, we used it as vacation money for a trip to Vegas! Did I pick up gambling in the mean time? *That's a WHOLE NOTHER BLOG*
Through the years I would use it for laundry money, or it would be my daughters spending cash (you would think she would do things to make me cuss more, but after a while she didn't even want spending money that came from profanity!)
I decided in the future paying for my sins would go to the church. Not under tythes but under "offerings"
I think the one thing that I manage to remember when trying to kick this habit is the following:
The mouth in which I choose to speak profanity, guile and malice with is also the same mouth I have the nerve to ask Father in Heaven for blessing and favors with. And some days I have A LOT OF NERVES!
Check out One of my Favorite Conference talks By Jeffery R. Holland: "Speaking with the Tongue Of Angels" And then go get YOUR cuss jar: