Sunday, July 29, 2007

Having a hard time? Try a Spiritual Smoothie!

The last 7 days have been hell. There has been a death, a funeral, touch decisions, hurt, miscommunication, misunderstandings, new beginings, tying of loose ends. In the last 48 hours it's been prayers, tears, more prayers and more tears, frustrations, doubts, letting go, acceptance. Today, I found out a friend of mine from back home has thyroid cancer. I say to you now. BRING ON THE PEACE!

Looking back at the first 6 months of this year... it has also been hell. But with that hell has been such comfort, mercy, love and Joy I have never before experienced. And for that, there is cause for celebration. I woke up sad and tearful. It was starting out to be a day just like yesterday. I think I went a total of 4 hours not in tears. 2 of those hours I was sleeping on the couch. The other 2 Was spent on my porch talking to neigbors off and on all day. No sooner than I'd walk in my apt, the water works would come. I didn't answer my phones all day, except when it was about bringing over my Washer and Dryer. Yeah. Tough day.

K, so anyway, this morning started out to be another day like that. I woke up at 5:30 am and just layed in bed until I couldn't stand it. Then I jumped on line and spent the next 2 hours looking for flight arrangements. After booking them, I called my friend Lori, we'd been playing phone tag for 2 weeks. It was 4:00 am where she was. I love how we wake each other up! Each time the question is... "did i wake you?" and the obviously groggy answer on the other end is.. "no I was up." We lie! Anyway I don't know who long I talked to her but we drained our cell phone batteries. It was prolly about 3 hours or so that we talked. I told her about my week. She told me about preperations for her upcoming wedding. We totally unloaded on each other and most of all we laughed and laughed. I cannot wait to see her in September. That was the turning point of my day.

By the time I got off the phone with her I was tired. So I layed down. Next thing I know my cell phone is going off. It was my nephew! My nephew flew in from California yesterday. He's my twin nephew, we have the same birthdays and I haven't seen him in about 4 years. I still haven't seen him, but I will in the next couple days. My brother took him to temple square, because he was trying to take pictures of the temple while they were driving down the highway from the airport yesterday. He was calling to ask me where he could find the video's of my daughter. My daughter and I used to do videos and movies for the church about 10 years ago. My daughter, who is now 17 is in a couple video shorts in the South Visitors Center on Temple Square. He wanted to see her. So he was on the cell phone, infront of the screen and the menu asking me if I can remember the titles of the video clips she in. I can't! So he's reading them to me and I'm trying from memory to direct him of which choices. I hear my brother in the back ground talking to someone saying...
"we're trying to find which one my neice is in. yeah, she's in 2 of them. We're talkin on the phone to her mother right now..."
And then I hear...
"THERE SHE IS!"
people in the back ground...
"Oh she's soo cute! How old is she now?"
"Bring her down so we can see her and ask her the same questions she answered back then...."
" can we get her autograph..."

I know it was just fun stuff, but it really did bring smiles to my face. I'm proud of baby girl, she's going to be a senior this year! And it's been a really great missionary tool for the nonmember family and friends as well.

I got of the phone with my nephew and brother and decided to watch something to keep my spirits uplifted. I popped in "Testiments." The man who played the father, Helam, in it is in my ward. He and I can't even stand next to each other without cracking up. And I mean that unreverent kind of laughing that makes the old ladies look at us sternly for disrupting the spirit in our father's house. WHATEVA! For example abt 3 weeks ago we were talking about the movie "Transformers" and he breaks out in perfect Optimus Prime voice! IT WAS AWESOME and I love Brother Macey he's someone I'll always appreciate.

A couple hours after that I kind of was going over the last week in my mind and started feeling down again. Last Saturday I purchased the October and April General Conference sessions. I popped In disc 5 and listened to President Eyring's talk called

"This Day"
http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-690-32,00.html .

He speaks of putting off and procrastinating the day of repentance and becoming complacent in the church and such things. Toward the end of his talk he broke it down in this paragraph:

"For those who are discouraged by their circumstances and are therefore tempted to feel they cannot serve the Lord this day, I make you two promises. Hard as things seem today, they will be better in the next day if you choose to serve the Lord this day with your whole heart. Your circumstances may not be improved in all the ways which you desire. But you will have been given new strength to carry your burdens and new confidence that when your burdens become too heavy, the Lord, whom you have served, will carry what you cannot. He knows how. He prepared long ago. He suffered your infirmities and your sorrows when He was in the flesh so that He would know how to succor you. The other promise I make to you is that by choosing to serve Him this day, you will feel His love and grow to love Him more. "

I did cry when I heard it, but its was because I know this promise is true. I've felt it before. I could sure use it now.

And then I went back to my favorite talk of April General Conference which is from Elder Uchtdorf.
http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-690-36,00.html

I swear I almost have it memorized. My favorite quotes from his talk are the following scriptures:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (
Matthew 11:28). "Be faithful and diligent . . . and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love" (D&C 6:20).

I felt felt much of this in the last 6 months and It has become soothing to me.
Hearing these 2 things gave me immediate peace. Thinking over the last week, I have done all that I can do about the decisions I have made and I'm ready to move forward in faith. I believe that if I'm headed in a wrong direction, it will soon be known, I am sure of it.

That gives me a sense of peace. So much so that I decided.. after not really eating for the last 2-3 days to have a smoothie. Since it's Sunday I have to make one. So I went to my freezer and looked at the ice cubes and they reminded me of some cold and hard communications I'd had this week. So I them in the blender. Then I got out some frozen strawberries and they reminded me of how iced over my heart had felt the last 2 days. Then A pkg of frozen mixed fruit: I took from the package grapes, cantaloup, honey dew, they were also iced over with big peices of ice around them clumping them all together reminding me of how my mind and emotions have been jumbled, clumped together and hard a these last couple of days. I threw them in the blender as well. Then, I went to the cupboard and got out my favorite... Pineapple slices. I poured the juice in and about 3 pineapple rings. The pineapple reminded me of the sweet goodness of thos Conference talks I heard and the uplifting it brought to my heart... the Pineapple juice I poured in cover it all... Just like Heavenly Father. We forgot how much he has us covered. He has our back. We are covered through his atonement. I put on the lid and watch the blending do it's magic: Mixing, Crushing, and twisting all that looked like a disgusting mess. Liquid garbage at first. But as I let the blending to it's thang, it started turning into something so wonderful and refreshing. I scooped some into a glass and took a sip. It was cool, and sweet and fantastic! I'm looking at my glass right now, still 1/2 full of this smoothie thinking..... How can some thing so mundane as a smoothie mean so much to me right now? I'll prolly never look at a smoothie the same. It will always remind me that even in small messes, there are miracles. And that's a beautiful thing.


I testify to all who read this, in regards to the disgusting, painful, depressing and frustrating things we have before us Our Heavenly Father is ready to bless our mess. If he will bring you to it he will lead you through it. We only have to ask and be willing to obey what he councils us to do.

5 comments:

Laurie said...

You wrote this for me.

OK, maybe not *me*, but I'm just going to continue pretending that you did...

ShaBANG said...

I wrote it ESPECIALLY for you, girl. From my heart to yours :)

jameswhofheins said...

Wow - this is very touching. I can see why Laurie would think it's personal - it could have been written for any one of us.

Thank you SO much for posting this, K.

James Hofheins
http://hofheins.wordpress.com/

Tigersue said...

Okay I have this one, added finally. :)
If you would like more added to the Calling all LDS Women blog roll let me know.
I love your list of Favorite hymns, you have many, many of mine there.

ShaBANG said...

Thanks for the invite to be part of this. Great women can do great things.

Big Brother, Little Sister Moments

Big Brother, Little Sister Moments
Hand in Hand

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