What would you DO ...? Questions, Questions, Questions.

"People often say that you don't know what you have until its gone. What would you DO to get it back? Would you apologize for the things you said and did? What would you GIVE to get it back? The last piece of gum? The expensive technology you own? The last swig alcohol? Or even your life? Find what's important to you. Cherish it. Love it. Be proud of it. It may be taken away before you know it" ~Kaitlynn Burge

I hijacked this quote from my friend. She's 17 years old and like a daughter to me. I found it very profound. And it got me to thinking of loyalties. How much we give lip service to satisfy a current disagreement or situation without any real intent of following through.
It got me thinking of integrity, and how much we say one thing and live and act another without a second thought.
It got me thinking of what effort we actually put into what we want to accomplish. Do we rely on others to get us our desires and when they fall short we blame, criticize and justify our own lack of motivation and laziness.

I'm glad Kaitlynn wrote this just before Easter Holiday.


When was the last time you were happy truly truly happy and satisfied with life?




When was the last time you could be spiritually uplifted and touched on a regular basis. Do you remember the state of your life at that time. What were you doing to maintain that spirituality? Did you Nurture it on a regular basis? Did you hang around with people who were positive and uplifting. Was your entertainment something that let you feeling exhilarated and full of love and life?


Are there people in your life you're at odds with that you miss? Family member you haven't talked to in years? Are YOU unforgiving of shortcomings while presenting shortcomings yourself? Are you wrong in a situation but too proud to admit it or apologize so you find reason after reason to make up situations to justify it?





I had and experience the other day to which I finally gave up my own way in a situation. That situation turned out soo much better than what I could have done myself. I know that my way is not always the best way, or the right way.


What would you really truly do to have real peace, love, comfort & security?


Would you apologize for the things you've done or said?
What would you GIVE? The last peace of gum? The expensive technology you own?

What have others done and given up for you? Grandparents? Parents? Spouses? Siblings? Soldiers and country men? Friends? Strangers?

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son..."

Would you give your life for those you love? Maybe not in the way Christ gave his life for us. What about those simple and sometimes inconvenient ways? Help a stranger change a tire? Babysit for a tired young mother. Take a meal to a single loneley old man? Send a letter or make a phone call to someone on your mind?

What about the God who gave his only begotten son? Would you speak to him on a daily basis? Read his words in Holy Scripture and liken them unto your life?


There is one who love use enough to bleed from every pore of his body. Allowed his hands and fee to be nailed to a wooden cross.


Do you dedicate your life to him the way he dedicated his death to us?
Does that dedication end at Tithing? 9:00 am meeting time slot? Sex? Liquor? Someone having offended us?
Thinks of where you are Mentally, physically, Spiritually, emotionally, psychologically? Is it where you would like to be? If not, to get to that point, what would you do?

Im DONE Wondering If The Lord Loves Me.

Done! Finished! NO MORE!
I have been physically ill since Thanksgiving. I've had an upper respiratory virus that lasted 2 weeks, laryngitis 2 weeks after that a month later back at the doctors because my ears felt blocked and were itching. They cleaned them out, I believe the exact wording was "they're pristine! No infection, no problems. But in their cleaning they gave me motion sickness so badly I had to lie down in the Dr's office for an hour before going home. They gave me an RX for the itching irritation and the Motion Sickness.Exactly 1 week later I was back in the Dr's office with an outer and inner ear infection. I rec'd an RX for antibiotic and different drops. If you're keeping track that brings us to February.

2nd week in February I have an appointment with my new rheumatologists. I've been feeling out of remission for about a year. called for an appt in October, they couldn't get me in until Jan. A week before my appt, they sent me a notice my appointment has been bumped back a month. When it finally did arrive they Took 8 Xrays of my hands and feet and sucked 14 vials of blood from me. FOURTEEN!
Talk about exhaustion.
10 days later
Presidents weekend I dragged my daughter,her best friend, my sister, sister in law and favorite person to Vegas for a late celebration of my daughter's 21st birthday. Awesome weekend. AWESOME. 3 hours after getting home I found myself in my bathroom with the newest version of the viral stomach flu. It was fast and furious:

"intense muscle aches, cramps and chills which precede nausea, abdominal pain, vomiting and/or diarrhea. Vomiting and diarrhea usually temporarily relieve the nausea and pain."
I had all of the above. ALL OF IT. To the tune of losing 10 lbs in 24 hours. TYPICALLY it lasts 1-10 days. This week is the first week in 10 days I've been able to have 2 meals in a row w/o feeling sick or running to the bath room with the poop soup. 1 day into the stomach virus I began to get a raised itchy rash from waist to toes. Day 2 of the stomach virus I got a stiff neck that is still giving me a slight problem (hard to drive when your neck doesn't turn all the way.

Now also keep in mind my Immune system is shot from a PTSD Breakdown almost 3 years ago.So Mentally, emotionally and socially I've been ill for almost 3 years. According to research (and my therapist/doctor) that can last 5-11 years. That's right, up to 11 years with a weakened Immune system. I have been sick more in the last 3 years (including the swine flu and pneumonia for the first time ever) than in the last 15 years.

During the deepest times of the PTSD I lost my memory and still haven't retained it for half of 2008. It effects my ability to retain memory. I put on quite a bit of weight that I'm slowly working off ( that flu virus helped) The bishop you got me the help I needed the day of my break down and the couple weeks after committed suicide behind our church buildings a month after my break down and now I have hard time being in church buildings. When I do go I'm so anxious and jumpy I haven't really paid attention to anything and am trying to figure out how to avoid elderly men (which is who caused the the ptsd in the first place.)

It has been a tough, tough, tough 2 3/4 years;
Can I just tell you during all this time... even when I was curled up in fetal position on my couch waking long enough to cry and eat and then sleep again for the first 2 month, I have NEVER felt alone or abandoned by my Heavenly Father.
Not once did I feel alone. I knew and have always known it was going to be a long and tough healing process. I knew this road was going to take years to travel down. This healing process is going to take the rest of my life. I'm in it for the long haul. And so is my Heavenly Father.
I made it to the LDS Genesis Branch last Sunday, still feeling the final effects of the stomach virus. As friends greeted me with hugs I stiffened and winced in pain, my neck still aching and stomach still nauseated.
Brother Eddie asked how I was doing I mentioned I've basically been sick since Thanksgiving.
He replied...
"Have you had blessing?" Are you kidding me? I thought. ARE YOU KIDDING? I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it. Was I really that removed that i didn't think of it? I was that removed.


"I have not had a blessing," I responded. It was clear to me I needed one.
Brother Eddie sort of smiled and said... "well if you want one this is a great place to get one!" Then he walked away to tend to some other business.

A few minutes later he walked back and said... "well?"
I said... "Let's do it!"
It had been 2 years minus 1 day exactly since I had my last blessing. My last blessing had been the night of March 5th 2009. That was the night before I was speaking at a funeral. The reason I got a blessing that night was because I have a phobia of funerals, Caskets, Hearst, funeral flowers. All of those things would give me nightmares for days. You can read that experience somewhere on either this blog or my other blog.
I was Escorted to a room. In filed a ROYAL PRIESTHOOD. I was expecting one brother to anoint and on to bless. But when the brethren finished filing in there was:
genesis President, first and second counselor, 2 missionaries, and 2 other brothers who are very special to me and my friends Sister Tish.
As I was anointed and they placed their hands in my head and pronounced a blessing of healing and love upon me, I knew all would be well. Many times in this blessing I heard the words " Karyn,Heavenly Father loves you." I felt it. I believe it. I heard it. I know it. Beyond all doubts. To the point where I will never wonder again of the Love my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ have for me.

*YES, Jesus Loves Me. What's NOT to Love?*

...And We Are All Connected To Each Other...

Boy I love how connected we are in the gospel. Its very rare that I can do something or go some place where I'm not recognized or known to some degree.

My daughter's 21st bday was on the 27Th of January. A few of us decided to take her to Vegas. Don't panic, we're doing this Vacation MORMON STYLE. Showing her how to have a good time w/o getting plastered or in trouble.

She and her roommate came down about 5:30 last night because we're leaving this morning. Last night about 8:30 we decided to head over to Wal-mart to get some last minute provisions. Everyone was out in the car waiting when I came out. Or so I thought. I walked down the stairs and headed toward the parking lot only to hear my daughters voice..
"Mom, Come here!" In the parking lot was my daughter and her roommate standing in front of red SUV talking to another young lady their age. I hear my daughter's voice say..
"again I apologize if I did it..."
I walk up to them and and ask
..."What's going on?"
This little imp of a girl and a soft snotty voice said...
"Your daughter dinged my car..."
And I said... " OK where is it.."
She points to 3 dark spots on the door of the SUV. Since it was dark out I couldn't see anything. And I said...

"point again to where she dinged it because I don't see anything..."

she retorted
"well obviously its dark so you're not going to see it...but this is my parents car."

"OK fine, get me an estimate and send me the bill." I tell her.

I told her my apartment number and my name.

" You have to understand it's my parents car and I need this taken care of."

..."again.. get me an estimate, you know my name, have my phone number and now you know where I live..."

Wait.... Let me show you what she was talking about....






Now if any of you out there see any freshly new Dings from a Blue car please email me cuz I can't find anything....

This Chicky is going on and on about how her car is dinged and so I told her...

"Well let's take pictures of it for MY insurance company." I said.

I go inside and get my digital and click the pictures I have posted. I STILL can't see anything.
I took pictures in the areas she pointed. Still not seeing anything fresh.
Again I asked her to get an estimate from her insurance company and give me a copy.
I also asked her how in the world can a car door make 3 different marks in the shape of a triangle more than 3 inches apart from each other.
Her Response?

"obviously I don't know how the car door hit but it must have been the front and back door."
I said... "so you believe both her car doors are long enough to reach the same spots where those marks are on your car?"

She said "Obviously in the dark you cant see well."

"OK. then drive over there by the light post where I CAN see."

She drove over to the light I followed her with my camera and when we got into the light, I still wasn't buying her story. But she wanted to play the game, So I decided to play the game. Because I'm a better player.

She asked me for my insurance information. I laughed and said... "Nooo, but get me that estimate." She asked if I had Insurance. I laughed again. Oh I have insurance I told her.
She pressed again for my insurance information.
I told her
"not happening girl. You have all the info you need from me including my ph#, name and where I live. Get yourself the estimate for those smudges so I can turn them into my insurance company and they can compare with with their estimates."
THEN SHE WENT TO FAR!
She had the audacity to say:
"How do I know you will keep your word?"
In my mind I said..
"DOUBLE-YEW-TEE-AYCH! WTH! WHAT THE HELL!" (This was a hell moment not a heck moment)

What actually came out of my mouth was...
" YOU CALL THE POLICE! Call the police. Let's make a Police report. MAKE ME keep my word. I'll wait while you call them."
She pissed me off.
Then I walked back over to my daughter's car and let them know what's going on. And told them I'm making her call the police and make a police report. After abt 15 minutes "Lili" walked over to where I was with my daughter, her best friend and my nephew.
"Are the police on the way?"
I asked?
She hadn't called them yet. The police station is 1/2 a mile down the street. we could have all walked or driven in the time it's taking her to call them.
After another 15 minutes we saw a police truck pull up to "lili" and get out.
The officer walked around the car, made some notes jumped in his truck and then came over to where we were parked.



He got out of his car and asked what happened. My daughter told her part of the story:
3 hours ago she came home from college from the weekend saw the girl in her SUV next to where she parked, got in the trunk got her stuff out of the car and went in the house. 3 hours later this girl comes up to her as we're going to the store and says she dinged her SUV.

"Lili" told the police she was in her vehicle on the phone, felt the car door hit her car. She stayed on the phone, went to the work out room to work out and before she left decided to see if there were some damages. That's when she saw the 3 marks on her car doors.

So the police officer checked my daughter's car and saw no paint marks on the door or the car. His exact words as he was looking were..
"No... No... Nope... and NO"
He took my name and my daughters name. Explained this was not a criminal matter but a civil matter (like Judge Judy)and she would need to take us to civil court And if she wanted to spend the time and money to go that direction let her go for it.
I explained my daughter goes to school in Logan and asked if she would have to come down from school for it. He said if it went that far, yes, but he really didn't think she was going to go that far.
Then he looked at my daughter and said... "USU??" My daughter said... "Yes!" and he responded...
"me too." Cool. They are both USU Alumni.
He then mentioned that even if it did go as far as civil court she wouldn't win, those scratches have been on her car for a while and those black marks can be rubbed off with her fingernail. We kind of laughed.

The officer then asked me if I was from Kalamazoo. I had on a Kalamazoo Hoodie.
I told him I grew up about 20 minutes from Kalamazoo in Battle Creek. He said he grew up behind the Lakeview Hills Mall. I asked him if he was a Lakeview Spartan.. Cuz
"If you're a Lakeview Spartan we're not supposed to be friends..."
We laughed and he said he grew up in Hastings.
I asked him how he ended up in Utah and he said his job. He asked me how I got here I mentioned going to Ricks College/BYU-Idaho and then just staying.
He asked if I was LDS, I said I was. He said his family went to the Battle Creek Ward, And that his brothers best friend's in laws live out here and they come out here alot.
I asked him who his brother's best friends were. He told me. I knew them. He also also said his Mother used to speak alot about a Brother Dudley in the ward. That would be my father.
I asked him what his names was. The name was Hauntingly familiar. I asked his Parents name. He told me.
"OH MY GOSH!! ARE YOU THE BABY?" He was the baby. They moved from our ward when he was about 5 years old. He had 2 older brother. BOTH were amazing baseball players. I remember going to their house with my mom and spending hours visiting teaching, folding laundry and just chatting away the afternoon.
This officer was born when his next oldest brother was 16 or 17. He was such a surprise to everyone when he showed up. I told him he'll have to let him mom know he ran into one of the Dudley Kids. He said he was going back home next month and would let everyone know.
He also said not to worry about the car situation, just let her do what she's gonna do and get the police documentation if needed and things will be fine. Sounds like he really encouraged Lili to save her time and money. On 'ding' look like a scratch that had been painted over. Any insurance company would look at it and laugh.

I felt pretty good about the whole thing. I felt sort of bad for Lili who sort of was in the back ground watching the reunion feeling a bit stupid I'm sure. But seriously if you're going to play a game, make sure you know who the players are and how well they play. I think she was some kid who for some reason needed some money and created what she felt was an opportunity. I was willing to take the estimate and my photos to my insurance company and have them deal with it. But she pushed me. Questioned my integrity. She went too far. So I gave her what she wanted...she can take me to court and MAKE ME keep my word. Go for it Lili.

I actually want to thank Miss Lili for being such a desperate little thing. Were it not for her, I may not have had this reunion with the friend from back home. I'll be contacting my parents and letting them know and seeing if they can get in touch with some family friends from the Home ward back in Battle Creek.

We really are all connected to each other, where the gospel is concerned. ONE more reason I LOVE being A Member of the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints!
*PS.. get a Kalamazoo, MI hoodie, It's brought me great luck and I've met lots of cool people who have actually been there*

Have A Happy New Year, But don't make slap you!

2011 Welcome! This year already came in some crazy kinda way! I spent the "EVE" with my family in Downtown SLC EVE Celebration. It was pretty fun extremely cold. abt 9 degrees outside. We layered up and rode the trax train (metro) down into the city. There was quite a bit going on:Bandstands set up with local bands playing. Outdoor fire circus. Ice Sculptures, snow board/ski jump exhibition, Charlie Chaplin film shorts, Improv Comedy, Lazer music shows, Karaoke, Sing-a-longs, and so much more! They had little "hobo heaters" you could huddle around to keep warm.


The venues were from temple square to the gateway. And the Metro was free for anyone with an EVE pass.
All in all we all would do it again. It was a good time for 10 bucks.
About 11:25 we decided it was time to go home. So we headed toward the traxx jumped on our train and headed home. We decided we'd hit a Denny's for some late night dinner and then head on home to start our new year. There was a Denny's restaurant just off one of the train stops so that would make it convenient.

This year we would start the New Year on the METRO. While waiting for our train a young man stepped on the platform unsure which train to take. He was with his friends for the evening and got separated from them so he was headed home. He was a bit turned around in his directions so I asked him where he was going and he mentioned the city just north of where we were headed. home. He had on a thin jacket, no hood or scarf. It was 11 degrees out with a bitter wind. I told him to stick with us until it was time for him to get off at his stop.
We rode the train and at each stop looked for our Denny's. We couldn't remember which stop it was on.
I enjoy riding the traxx. There are characters on there and incidents that make you look for the hidden camera cuz it HAS to be a joke or prank.
At one point the train came to a sudden stop. The Engineer got out of her car and kicked 2 people off. Not sure what was going on but I'm glad it wasn't me. IT's cold outside.
There was a man and his girlfriend and their young child, probably abt 4 yrs old arguing. He had been yelling and cussing her out since before we got on the train and she decided to stick up for herself. At one point she yelled... "Oh you're break up with me on New year's eve??? I DON'T THINK SO!!" As if she had a choice. We learned later her name is TRACI.
Also there was another couple on the train, Kit and his boyfriend. We never learned his name he was kind of quiet for most of the trip. As it got closer to the new year each stop we encountered had people yelling and waving happy new year.
About 11:55 KIT and my Sister In Law Cassie get the count down and at Midnight we all yelled and screamed Happy New year! I lead the people in our car in Singing Auld Lang Syne:
"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!

Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne."

We gave out handshakes hugs and kisses to those on our train car and became fast friend however temporary it was we were bonded for our time together. Oddly enough we weren't seeing any Denny's at the stops and then it dawns on me the Denny's is at OUR stop! Duh!r
As we get to our stop we call out our Happy New Years to our friends and exit the train. As we're heading for the car I see a Silhouette in the parking lot of 2 people who appear to be sharing a new years kiss in the parking lot. I can kind of hear them speaking. Before I could turn my head one silhouette pushes the smaller one away and starts speaking In low angry tones.
I hear a female voice saying
"please... I'm cold."
The man turned and started walking away He had thick plaid jacket on and she slowly walking behind calling "PLEASE...I"m cold! The man kept walking away. I stopped to "observe" the situation a little more.
"Please....? She was calling to him! He kept walking. My daughter had stopped as well to "observe." The man turned around and came back to her, took off his jacket and draped it around her for a few seconds and they began to walk together. After about 3 steps he yanked his coat off of her and started walking away again.
My daughter Said it just as I thought it...
"NO! UH UH... I don't think so" She started walking toward them and I was right behind her. This man took off walking again and the young woman was crying...
"Please! Please I'm cold! PLEASE!!!!.....)
She had on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and some sneakers. No coat. No gloves. No hat. No scarf. No boots.

As my daughter and I took off walking after this couple and this Jerkhole of a man was putting some distance between himself and this woman, her screams became more shrieking and panicked and she crying and trembling so badly she was hardly able to walk. She followed behind him as best as she could. It was obvious at that point that whoever this guy was he couldn't care any less how this woman was feeling.
We were all quickly approaching her and I grabbed my daughter's arm and sort of pushed her behind me so I was ahead because we were all about to have a confrontation. I turned my head and saw my nephew and sister in law behind us.
I called out to her...
"Excuse me, do you need some help?"
She was crying and shivering so much she couldn't hear me. But Jerk-hole turned around and sort of looked right at me and stopped for the young woman to catch up, then draped his arm around her and turned and kept on walking. She was clinging to him for warmth and still crying.
"please. Please I'm soo cold, Please!"

Im thinking... "aw hell naw!"

I quickened my pace and called out to them just as they reached the corner...
"Hey!" They both turned around.
I Walked up to her and asked her If I could help her.
She was shaking, crying. It was below freezing and I don't blame her.

I asked her... "Would you like my coat? My car is just over there so I don't really need it and I have others at home?"
She pulled away from him and stepped toward me.
"Do you need this?" I asked her?
Jerk-hole said "she has a coat just right over there!" and pointed the next block over. I shot him a a look: "Shut the hell up and don't make me slap you!"

I started cleaning my pockets out, handing my wallet, cell, camera, earring, to my family who was now around me.
I took off my coat and put it on the woman who was sobbing by this time. She quickly wrapped it around her crying
"thank you! Oh thank you so much your are an angel..."
Jerkhole thought he'd take the opportunity to say one more time...
"she has a coat already..."
This time nephew said
"You know what? don't worry about it, we got this!"
The women tried to zip p the coat but couldn't grasp the zipper. I kneeled down and zipped her coat. My sister in law put on her hood and I took off my favorite scarf, wrapped it around her neck and face and asked her if there was anything else we can do for her.
She thanked us again, said she would be ok.
"Happy New Year" I told her as she hugged me.
"I hope it gets better for you" I said to her and shot Jerk-hole a "please say something so I can slap the crap outta you" look.

Jerk-hole again wrapped his arms around her and they walked toward the corner. Me and my family turned and walked back toward the parking lot quickly to clean off and jump in the car. When I get cold, I break out into hives, swell up and itch so I jumped in the car while the others cleaned it off. It was so cold the car windows were frosted over on the inside.
My heart went out to this woman. I was sad for her suffering and pissed off she was at the mercy of someone who all but left her in the snow to freeze. We were all quite a distance from any kind of warm building in this kind of cold and they were walking to their destination.
I hope she's truly ok and I hope she loses the jerk-hole!
To everyone out there remember this:
Have a Happy New year...But Don't make me slap you! We are NOT playin this game in 2011.



If this is a sign of what's to come this year then I'm ready.
C'mon 2011, no regrets BRING IT ON!

A SOUP BONE FO YO POT!

When the LDS Genesis Branch has their annual Christmas party things can get a little crazy: www.ldsgenesisgroup.org if you've never checked out the webesite, go for it.

For YEARS I've found myself in the kitchen sometimes by assignment, sometimes by volunteering myself out of need. Last year and this year I ended up in the kitchen and have quit enjoyed it. By now, after 7 years being in the kitchen I have some things pretty much down to a science. Myself and 4 other people can prep food and get it moving in and out to feed the masses of between 300-upt to 700 people sometimes over the years.
When you come to a Genesis Christmas party, The Branch Provides the meat: Smoked Turkey and Smoked Ham ( We use some folks who who built their own smoker and it is a B.E.A.U.TIFUL thing. ) Last year the men who sliced the meat for us and was throwing away the ham bones. Do you know what happens when you in a black woman's kitchen and start messing around and throwing the wrong stuff away? They learned pretty quickly. One of the gentleman from last year had to educate his buddy from this year: Leave the skin on the turkey and don't throw away the Ham bones. There was much peace in the valley of the kitchen this year.

Why so much flack over the Ham bones you say? Let me tell ya what a ham bone means. For those who don't eat pork, you can preplace the word "ham" with soup.

Back in the day when you had dinner, times were such that you didn't throw anything away. You kept ,onions and potatoe skins, bones, leafs and root of your celery and carrots, meat fat, skin, bones, herbs and spices and create even more meals with it: soup, stock, stews and what not.

What people anxiously toss out today was life sustaining in the "olden" days.

There's a story about a Black LDS Pioneer woman by the name Jane Manning James that goes like this:

She and her family; Husband Issac, and son Sylvester left Nauvoo with the saints in 1846 to head west. During the trek she gave birth in Winter Quarters, Nebraska (yes thats a real place even today) to another son they named Silas. Winter Quarters was a temporary settlement or housing quarters for persecuted and pioneering LDS mbrs during the winter months.

In 1847 Jane and her family left Winter Quarters for What is now the SL Valley. During that time food, provisions and the very basic necesities of life were barely obtainable.

In her own words she Jane says:

"“Oh how I suffered of cold and hunger and keenest of all was to hear my little ones crying for bread, and I had none to give them.”

What she could share, she shared with her neigbors.

One of her friends Wrote the following in her behalf:

Eliza Partridge Lyman, whose husband had just left for a mission to California, wrote:
“April 13th [1849] … May the Lord bless and prosper them and return them in safety. He left us without anything from which to make bread, it not being in his power to get it. … Jane James, the colored woman, let me have two pounds of flour, it being half of what she had.”

Times are rough right now for many of us and hard.... THIS hard for others. Some of us don't feel the pinch of the times and some of us will never have to worry about saving scraps of food and bones to eat.

What does ALL THIS have to do with Soup bones you ask? Ima tell ya.

Back to the Genesis Christmas party. When we have this party is when most people are introduced to collard greens, black eye'd peas and some of the other Traditional African American foods: Sweet Potato Pie and such. We make plates for some of the Genesis family who can't make it or show up late. We make plates and give food away to area missionaries and other people we know who could use it.

One man, very special to me, Let's call him Papa D. ( AKA Darius Gray) Each year we make sure we make a plate for him.

Last year at the 2009 Christmas party when we were tutoring our Caucausion Brothers on saving the soup bones, Papa D not feeling well was unable to attend the whole Christmat party. So I made him a tray for him and his family. He came to pick it up and I showed him what we wrapped. He gave a greatly appreciated "Thank You" and huge hugs and a kiss on the cheek. As he was turning away, I grabbed one of the Ham bones wrapped in aluminum foil and said...

"WAIT! I almost forgot! A Soup bone for yo pot!"

He looked at me with that brilliant beautiful smile of his grinnin from ear to ear and said...'

"Now that... right there... IS LOVE!" And I felt "the love" as well.

Whether you are sharing a cup o sugar, lb of flour or a soup bown fo yo neigbors pot, That kinda love comes from no other place. A place where Xboxes, and Flat Screens and even Diamonds can't reach. That kind of love is Rib stickin, bone warming and life sustaining and Soul nourishing.

May we all learn to give love in a way that wants us to give AND RECEIVE a soup bone fo yo POT!

High School Lesson RELEARNED at the age of 42

A few weeks ago I was with a couple of friends and we were looking for something to do to pass away the evening. There were many choices in the location we were in: Piano Bar, Karaoke, Disco, Movie, Stage show, Comedian. We went to the Piano bar and despite our efforts to liven things up, it was lame. So we went to the Karaoke bar. That was fun for a while until the same chick kept getting up with more of a desire to "show off" her talent then that got boring. The Comedy Show was going to be starting in a few minute. I had no desire and didn't even consider it an option because after a certain time the shows are listed as being Rated R. I assumed the others would feel the same way.
It was then suggest to go to the comedy show. I raised my eyebrow and said "Really?"
"Yeah, lets go check it out."
I hesitated and then agreed. We settled into our spots and the one who suggested it ran really quick to the rest room. The other friends said... "she does realize it's a Rated R show, doesn't she?"
I nodded "yeah, she knows."
I suggested she and I switch places "in case I want to leave the show early."
So we switched places.
I'm sad to say that was one of the only good judgement call I used in that situation.


After a few moments the show began. Within about 10 minutes I found myself starting to shake and tear up and it was starting to be difficult to catch my breath.
I recognized that I was going into a Post Traumatic Stress Relapse. For a few minutes I was paralyzed and couldn't move.



The explicitly sexual filth coming from this "comedian" was actually causing trauma to my mind. I'm not sure at what point but I did find myself getting up and walking out. I rushed to the bathroom wiped my tears washed my face and wondered around for an hour or so.
I was so angry with myself for "following the crowd" which is something I'm not used to doing. I knew better. I knew the potential subjects of these so called comedians.
At first I was upset at the person who suggested we go see this Rated R comedian. I assumed we all had the same taste in certain things because basically we're all LDS and it caused me to think of this person a little differently.

Then I realized this was all on me. I have agency and the ability to make choices for myself. I can't trust what I believe to be right or wrong is what someone else also believes to be right or wrong. I put myself in a situation that could potentially cause undue trauma and distress to myself.

I have to remember that I now live in situation where I become highly sensitive to certain subject matter that can and does cause physical, mental and emotional trauma to me. My world is totally different than it was 2.5 years ago. I just cannot tolerate certain things anymore. And the more I learn about myself, those things are vile and disgusting anyway and if more people didn't tolerate them the world would be a better place.

I allowed someone else to make a decision for me that even though I questioned, I went along with. There's no way I can blame that choice on anyone but me. I made a bad choice in judgement pertaining to what I believe and want to stand for. I can't put that on anyone else but me.
When I experience things like this I always think of my daughter and how I would want her to handle the situation.
I would hope that if my daughter were in the same situation she would make a better choice than I did.

I relearned a high school lesson at the age of 42: Going along with the crowd and allowing anyone else to make a decision for you that you know is a bad decision is NEVER EVER going to be a good thing.

Memorial Day 2010: No Words Needed

THANK YOU!

MORMON BINGO & ROULETTE

Yup it's true. We say we don't gamble but we do play Bingo and Roulette. To make matters worse we play it right in Church at least once a month. MMMMHHH das right! There is somewhat of a method behind our madness.
Have pity on us, we are blessed to worship 3 hours every Sunday. At least. If you are even more blessed to be a Bishop, Stake President or a member of the congregation leadership, you get to spend even more time at church on Sunday. But wait... there's more! And if you act now, you can get your visiting and home teaching done as well which is probably another couple hours depending on how many sisters or families you have are assigned to fellowship.
Really, it's not so bad. After all it is a day of rest right? The Bible says so...
" 2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.
3 And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.
Ok so if you wanna be "technical" about it, it says GOD rested on the seventh day.
But Exodus 20:10 does say
But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

I must admit I'm one of those Mormon's who would rather not go or be visit taught/home taught on Sunday. 3 hours of Church is a wonderful and beautiful thing. Much more than that... can be over kill. My brain can only retain so much! Don't get me wrong I LOVE the Visiting Teaching and Home Teaching program. But come during the week... like on a Tuesday, say when I've been cussed out by customers all day... or On a Thursday when I just don't think I can take another work day and wanna smack everyone I see. Them are some of the times when I need me some Jesus Reinforcements the most!

I'm not saying this to discourage going or accepting VT or HT on Sunday. This is just my animated opinion on the thing. Often because it is sometimes hard to have a "DAY OF REST" on Sunday if you are a Mormon. No matter. Idle hands are... blah blah blah.

So with 3 hours of church and a primary and nursery full of kids our Sacrament meetings get to be somewhat "lively." Ok since I'm bloggin about church I may as well be honest... Sacrament meetings get to be somewhat loud!


If Sacrament is the 3rd hour of church instead of the 1st... quite frankly some of these kids have just HAD IT! They fuss and fight. The babies/toddlers throw their cheerios and get away from their parents and run around from bench to bench with an older sibling chasing them down.

So why Not BINGO or Roulette? To tell you the truth it helps us pay attention. It does, True Story. And it's fun for the whole family! Yes, that's right most of the whole family can play. I dare say we adults play it more fervently than the teens or the kids.
Typically we play this game once a month, the first Sunday of each month. We call it FAST AND TESTIMONY Sunday. The first Sunday of each month we skip 2 meals and give the money we would have spent on those two meals to the church for the church welfare system. I think our church is really cool in this department. We are extremely great at feeding and clothing the poor and those in need. Not just in our communities but Word Wide. I'm pleased to be apart of giving such offerings.
This is also the Sunday where the congregation is invited to stand up and bear witness of God, Jesus Christ and any other Gospel truth or principle and to openly give praise and Thanks.
Unfortunately too many of us use this as an opportunity to declare love to family, update us on their family vacations, boast about accomplishments that no one else really cares about or disclose some hardship and gain some sympathy.
You will hear phrases like:
"with every fiber of my being"
"without a shadow of a doubt"
" I feel so unworthy to stand before you today"
"this morning as I was praying"
"I don't usually cry but..."
"The church is true"
"On my mission..."
"President (insert first, current or prophet that just passed name here) is a true prophet"
and various, various other phrases.
It's also on This Sunday that we got out our Bingo Cards! That's right Mormon Bingo cards. I've not only played this game. I've made cards and passed them out to many many people in sacrament. I must say I have been very VERY surprised at who takes one of my bingo cards: Relief Society Presidents, Ward Clerks, Missionaries, Newlyweds, Nearly-Deads and yes, Even Bishopric Members! (That's not always notes they're scribbling on up there ;)
There are Several Bingo Cards. You can make them yourself or get them from online.

Basically it's a regular Bingo Card. Instead of numbers the kid version contains pictures of:
Praying hands
Pictures of the temple
Pictures of Jesus
and various other pictures.
The Free space usually says "AMEN" on it because everything ends with an "Amen."
They listen very carefully to the speaker and mark off the photos of whatever is mentioned. If they get bingo they get a treat in the car on the way home or extra dessert at dinner or whatever mom/dad sees as reward for being precious and reverent and winner testimony bingo.

The Adult version of this are the previously mentioned phrases. Except when an adult gets bingo... they get to leave the meeting and hang out in the foyer! Trust me on some fast and testimony Sundays that IS a winning prize!

There are many of us Mormons who don't condone this type of thing. "BLASPHEMY!" You say! Well it could be. I can see how the appearance of evil might creep into your soul and you may have to make an appointment with the Bishop and confess your bingo habit.
To you I say.... Welcome to Testimony Roulette!
Roulette is much less obvious and basically between You and the Lord as it is an "on my honor" kind of game.
Yes, you pick someone in the congregation. If they get up and bear their Testimony, you have to get up and bear yours. This game is not for everyone. For the poor sport or lazy one's they will ALWAYS choose someone who NEVER get up. I say to you... "WHY BOTHER?? Take a bingo card...if you aren't going to really Roulette."
Roulette is not for everyone, only for the real Spiritual gamblers. If you wanna play it safe and you don't have any noisy kid to remove from the meeting... then Testimony Bingo is your best bet.

It's easy to spot The Bingo players and the Rouletters in the congregation. They throw back their sacrament drink with a little extra seriousness and they have a poker face. Like a cowboy throwing back a shot of Jack or Jim.

There is another kind of Bingo I have yet to discuss.
Twice a year we have our Annual and Semi Annual General Conference. That's basically a world wide broadcast from Salt Lake City with sermons from our church leaders. That's right, Mormons have Mega Church at least twice a year. It's broad- casted from the Supernacle Conference Center on Temple Square. There are 2 two hour session on Saturday (A 3rd for the Men of the church: Priesthood session) And 2 two hour session on Sunday. This might be more like how some of the Black Mega church conferences do it. Gather in HUGE congregations of thousands and listening to some preaching and music for a couple days at a convention center.

*Supernacle)


The beauty is you don't have to get dressed and go anywhere if you don't want. You can just rollover and turn it on... or hang out in your jammies and watch it on tv. For you Technical freaks you can turn it on you computer while chatting I/M or LDS Mingles, LDSSO or LDS LINKUP. You can turn it on the radio while out weeding the garden, watering the plants or yes, sunbathing. What a perfect way to keep the sabbath day Holy... Pack the kids up in the Expedition or whatever BMW (BIG MORMON WAGON) you may have and go for a Sunday drive in the mountains while listening to Conference! Take a Picnic! This kind of Sunday is like a free spot on your bingo card of life! So is Stake Conference.
For non member friends, stake conference is more like the a "regional" conference. All the congregations in a certain area go to one bigger Chapel in the neighborhood to hear sermons from their designated regional leadership. Stake Conference Sunday is bonus because it's 2 hours instead of 3 and usually held at another building other than your regular meeting house, unless you are blessed to have your regular meetings at the Stake Center. Many Members also consider this meeting to be a free spot on your bingo card of life.
In reality there really are a unique mechanism to help your family pay attention to the speakers and to know the people in your congregation better.
I'm trying to find a way to create Mormon Poker or Black Jack.
One way to really gamble for sure is to make score cards... and at the end of each speaker, hold up their score. This is highly effective on High Councilman Sunday or the Sunday they call a new Bishopric to the Congregation. Don't ask me how I know but I BET you get called to repentance for that game! ;)

When Hell Freezes over...Go Figure Skating!

Last Thursday April 29 2010 was hell. I moved into a new apt. Most of the folks who were supposed to help were unable because of a family emergencies, or "whatever" else was going on. I woke up and sat in my living room surrounded by boxes, empty book shelves, and other various items needing to be moved. The thought that ran through my mind: THIS IS HELL!


I was already miserable, achy from the cold wet weather. I needed to get to the new place, do a final walk though, pay the rent, get the keys, do move in cleaning before I could even start to move in. I was up WAY too early and already so tired. The day was already doomed from the start.
Got myself dressed and ready to go took care of the "move in preliminaries" and headed back to start moving myself in. My car can only hold 6 boxes at a time and a hamper or two in the front seat. Good thing I took 2 days off work and had the weekend to get all moved in the new place and all moved out of the old place. I would need all that time at this rate.
I gotta tell ya, I was PISSED OFF! Recalled in my mind all the times I helped others move. All of the times I received some random call to come to this event or that event to give moral or visual support to a stranger or neighbor or ward member.
I got to thinking Wow, I'm the compassionate service person and not once have I been able to round up compassionate service for myself when needed. The more I thought about it... the more upset I got.
I turned that anger to energy. I started hauling boxes to my car. Drove the 1.7 miles to the new place, and one by one unloaded boxes and walked them up the 2nd floor to my new place. After unloading the boxes into the at, I would go back to the are, drive the 1.7 miles back to the old place and load up again. It was going to be a long day.
By 11:00 am I had only done 2 trips AND it was snowing like Christmas time. There was more than an inch of snow on the ground. HELL DONE FROZE OVER FOREAL.


Each snow flake reminded me of the flakey people in my life who show up when they need something and disappear in my time of need. Each time I lifted another box and tracked it out to the car I vowed I was done helping others. Done going that extra mile. Done rushing to the aide of everyone else. I was cold. Wet, tired, sore, miserable.
for the next 2 hours I loaded my car drove to the new place, unloaded boxes and hauled them up to the new place. The harder I worked the more it snowed. Talk about insult to injury.
Finally exasperated I gritted my teeth and seethed out "can it get any worse than this!!!!!???"
I heard a voice inside me say... "absolutely it can get worse!"
I remembered something I heard a few years ago and it becomes life altering each time I recall it: At any second in time you can start your day over. It's a choice that is completely within your power. You may not be able to change the events that will happen throughout the day. But maybe you can. You may not be able to change what others may do to you throughout the day. But maybe you can.
I thought for a few moments after remembering I can start my day over at anytime.

This would be a prime opportunity to stay angry and upset ESP at those "friends" who never give and always take. It would be a prime time to light into those who disappear when there's a need and then show up afterwards claiming they "didn't know" there was a need or "just got the message" when the hard part done or "feeling better" and can drop by tomorrow.
I could make a choice to stay angry and "wo is me." I'm don't know about you but "WO IS ME" makes for a long day and some bad company.
I loaded the last box from my car and to the 2nd floor and stepped outside into the snow headed to the old place to bring over some more boxes.
I decided... Doggone it since it looks and feels like Christmas, I'ma sing me some Carols.
The DJ in my head put on "Walkin in a Winter Wonderland." I smirked at "in the meadow we can build a snowman..." I had made the decision to start my day over.
I drove the 1.7 miles to the old place, walked the 18 paces from my car to the old apt still singing my Christmas Carols. I picked up a box stepped outside and the sun was shining for the first time that day, the snow had stopped.

I looked up at the sky...
"Really, Lord?? Really?" I smiled and said,
"I guess we're rolling in sunshine now, I can work wit dat!"
The DJ in my head changed the song to:

"We'll Sing in the Sunshine! We'll Laugh in the rain...."
I kept going until I was too tired to go up or down anymore stairs. So I began to unpack the boxes in the new place and put things away until I regained the energy to start moving again.
Finally @ about 3pm, I just couldn't do it anymore. Went back to the old place and just as I layed on my bed to have a rest the phone rang. It was my sister calling to see how things were going.
This provided me with the perfect opportunity to "wo is me!"
Meh, why bother? She asked questions, I answered them honestly.
"Who ya got helping you?"
"OH 3 people showed up, Me, Myself and I!"
"Where are all those who were going to help?"
" That's a great question!" I answered again.
"Seriously? just you? Are you kidding me? Did you let Genesis know?"
"yes I did."
"what happened to so and so?"
"don't know."
"I can be there about 6. I'll bring so and so... and so and so can't make it today but can make it Saturday."
" That's cool I said. Except I wont need any help Saturday, I'll be done by tomorrow."
I looked around and had ended up accomplishing so much that I really would be done a day earlier than expected.
I told her I needed to go "do what I do" and basically took a 2 hour nap.
A much needed, well deserved 2 hour nap.

When my sister and our friend arrived about 6:30pm We loaded my car and my sister's. made 2 trips and every thing except the couch, love seat, chair, my bedroom suite and the outside storage was done.
They thought me being done the next day was "a little ambitious" until they came and saw how much I had done through out the day.
When I had energy I lugged boxes. When I was tired I unloaded boxes or did check out cleaning. It was hard and tiring but it worked. And it worked better with a better attitude.
The anger and disappointment at my flaky friends melted away with the snow. They are who they are and I know who I can count on for what. To expect anything more that what I already know and have experienced about them really was my own fault. I know that for me, I must ALWAYS give them the opportunity to come through. It's always a disappointment and disheartening when they don't but I guess part of BEING a good friend is always giving them that chance. It's frustrating. But it's the right thing to do most of the time.
Ok, back to me!
I learned another very important lesson again. I like how we are given opportunities to re-learn values if we take those opportunities.
"DON'T LET WHAT YOU CAN'T DO STOP WHAT YOU CAN DO!"

I see this in so many people I know. There are the same people who ask...
"what more could I do?"
while sitting on their butts. I'd like to shake them and say..
"of all the things in the world you can do to get steps closer to what you want to do... you can't think of ONE MORE thing?" There's always ONE MORE THING you can do. ALWAYS!
These are the same people living in their glory days of high school and talking about "when I get this" or "when I do that..." not realizing that they really cold have had it already had they worked toward it.

I'm grateful I can start my day over at any second I decide to. I'm grateful I have it in me to NOT let what I can't do stop what I can do.
When hell freezes over what do you do? Go Figure Skating!