Friday, May 29, 2015


I’ve have been given some amazing blessings during some amazing circumstances I remember  rough time in particular when my daughter was  4 or 5 years old a huge cloud of depression came over me and would not lift for weeks.  At one point I would send my daughter off to  Headstart. From the time she got on the bus to the time she got off the bus would have bouts of crying for what appeared to be no apparent reason.  But if there was a knock on the door or a phone call I could turn it off Just like that only to have it start up again when the visitor left of the phone hung up.
  One particular Saturday my daughter  was spending the weekend with my sister. Although I was not crying I was in the thick of the depression.

  At the time, I had a friend who flew out to different states and  taught classes on the weekend and would fly back home. I was absolutely shocked when the phone rang and I heard her voice on the answering machine.  She mentioned she was calling to say hello.      A couple of hours went by and  she called back. I,  again, let it go to the machine?  “Girl, What’s up!  Im on my lunch break  and wanted to see how you’re doing today!”     That weird, and nice of her I thought.  We were pretty good friends at the time and  so it was nothing for us to call each other.  However it was odd for her to call on a week where she was out of state.  So Imagine my surprise when she called a third time and said… “Im not sure why  I’m supposed to call you, but I’m calling to let you know that I’m thinking of you today and if you’re struggling I can feel it and  I’m here if you need to talk or need anything. Love you, bye!”


I was shocked. Although I’m not sure why, because I get impression like to to call or go visit people all the time and it happens to be in a time of need.
     I felt It was time I speak with my bishop and get a blessing.  My Bishop was also my home teacher and our families were close.  I was his wife’s visiting Teacher as well as a young women’s advisor for 2 of their daughters.  And they just practically lived In the back yard where my apartment complex was so we were always visiting back and forth.    I spoke to him about what was going on and agreed  that it sounded like he should give me a blessing.   He asked if we could do it the next day so he could fast and pray about it before hand.   I have always appreciated him taking the extra time to prepare himself for giving a blessing. I’m not sure that I’ve ever had a bishop do things quite that way but It always made me feel extra special, him asking for time to prepare himself to be a vessel in my behalf. 
         We met the next day for my blessing which was AMAZING. 
I wont mention too much about it but I will mention this particular portion.  At some point during the blessing he paused for literally a couple of minutes.   That’s a long time to sit in silence.  And his voice slightly changed when he spoke again he said   “angels are protecting those who are close to you for your benefit…”    And at the time  that frightened me.  My thoughts were… “what’s going to happen to me that those around me are going to need protection to help me??”

Image result for African American Guardian Angels

  Truly limited vision at the time but I’ve come to know exactly what it means.      When the blessing ended  I felt  exhausted.  So I laid down to rest.  When I woke a few hours later, I called the Bishop’s wife,  and we’re close friends.  I wanted to thank the Bishop.   She said…. “I don’t know what happened in that blessing and I don’t need to know but  He came home so exhausted he’s been sleeping for the last  few hours. He felt so much of Heavenly Father’s  power and love  come down for you that it wiped him out!! That’s never happened like that before”   We both laughed about how my electric personality and how it must have sapped his energy source and  it and compared it to how  Lehi was so caught up in the spirit that it exhausted him to his bed.      Had it been more current I would have said… “THAT’S THE POWER OF PINESOL BABY!!”  lol  It felt good to find something to laugh about and in the day following  I began to slowly come out of my Cloud of depression.


What I’ve come to learn through the years is that blessings and promises like that aren’t really just for the moment or current situation.  This happened 20 years ago and I can see, in the last 20 years how those close to me have been guarded and protected by angels for my benefit. 

 I had one such occasion a few days ago.

Saturday June 20,  2008 I had a leadership meeting at the LDS genesis chapel.  At that meeting I was asking the current Relief Society ( Women’s Organization) President for some advise on a an incident that happened the day before that could be a huge legal issue.  The Relief Society President is an attorney so she was in the perfect position to help me with my concern.  As I began relaying the experiences to her,  my mind blurred and could not differentiate between me telling her the situation and me going through the situations  and I began to relive the experience as I’m sharing it with her. I couldn’t  “connect the dots”  which resulted into a  full breakdown.
Image result for nervous breakdown ecard

I couldn’t distinguish between reality and memory.   Another of the sisters recognized what I was experiencing and suggest I needed to get to a crisis center.   She recognized it  because she has gone through it herself and was  there available  for my benefit.    My sister and I had just moved to a new ward 2 months prior so I was not familiar with the name of the bishop. However  our neighbor and friend, who also is a therapist  was able to contact our bishop and explain the situation. The bishop called LDS Family services crisis line and was able to get me in immediately.   I asked the R.S President to come with me.   I don’t remember too much about the rest of the day… Or  the  6 months after.  I do know our new Bishop took great care of me and my needs.  He was there before my benefit, before he committed suicide a month and a half after my crisis.  I was a stranger and he took me in and made sure I had all the care needed, before he took himself out.


That was 7 years ago.    Lately my mind has been fixated on  June of this year, 2015.    The body and mind remembers anniversary dates especially where trauma is concerned.    On Saturday June 20, 2015. I will be at the LDS Genesis chapel in a leadership meeting.
Eerily my mind has been fixated on the events of the same morning 7 years ago.  Do I go? Do I stay away? What if I freak the freak out? 


I was going over this with my sister. Who at one time was part of the Genesis Leadership.  If I happen to get to a point where I am incapacitated, who then can help me?  We went through our list of the current members of the Leadership.  There would be 3 people there who were in the room  the first time.  However 1 of them panicked and couldn’t handle it then, it scared them to the point of not knowing what to do.  The other 2 could possibly be there however  one  having PTSD herself and is currently going thru a rough time,  may not be there the other being their spouse. Also they will be out of town hopefully holding the newest member of the family they are expecting.


And then I remembered.. . There is a brotha  in the leadership who is familiar with my situation.   He will be at the leadership meeting. Next month.     What I didn’t know until yesterday is that he was actually at the Crisis Center that day I arrived  7 years ago.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.  I don’t remember too much about that day… or the next 6 months that would follow. Im told, and As it appears  I was taken to the Center and they were expecting me. My brotha  was in the front of the office and heard some of what the situation was.  Upon hearing it was a possible  issue with  sexual harassment he returned to his office so as not to  trigger or upset the patient coming in because he could feel the urgency of the crisis.   I was brought in and whisked away to the back.   When he came back out he recognized my friend and my sister.   So when I mentioned  to my sister this brotha  would be there she said… “well he was there the day we took you in.”  I told her she was mistaken.  She said… She remembered seeing him that day, it was after I had been taken back to see the crisis therapist and he stepped back into the front of the office and there was my friend and my sister.     MIND BLOWN!!!!  
    I immediately messaged him and he called me and  confirmed the details of that day.  He was indeed there  7 years ago.   And will be there next month.
You’ve got to take that day back! You’ll be in good hands, I got you covered..”
  Took me all day to get my head around that.  And my sister finally said to me… “angels are protecting those who are close to you for your benefit…”   


They were being protected  20 years ago.  They were being protected  7 years ago and they are being protected now,  for my benefit. .     I am truly blessed by those I choose to keep closely in my friendship and grateful to the Lord for that protection he provides them and me.


  I hope I can be the type of person who is always worthy of their closeness, their friendship and the protection the Lord provides them in my behalf.


Andrea Barnhart said...

I love you SO much, Karyn Dudley!!!!!

ShaBANG said...

I love you more Andrea Barnhart!

Nate Andrews said...

I want you to know that there are people who are enjoying your blog, even if they don't leave a comment.

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