Sunday, April 18, 2010


I often find myself doing things I don't want to do. And then after words cussing myself and regretting it. Do ya hate that? You know those times when you replay all the events of the situation in your head? And then you start to tell yourself things like:
"I shoulda told that witch to mind her own business." OR
" I should have confronted him about lying to me."
And THEN you actually go into the bathroom and practice your script in the mirror. Then you tell yourself... "one more time... this time with ATTITUDE!" Yeah, I'm gonna do it like that next time! Pat yourself on the back and you're good to go. Right? Right.

What about those times you don't want to do a thing? And you do it anyway because it's the RIGHT thing to do. How does THAT make you feel? I can honestly say I've never had one regret about doing the right and proper thing. There's really something great about doing the right thing that embeds in your heart, sometimes even when it goes unappreciated.SOMETIMES.

One of my closest friends and I had a fight and we didn't talk to each other for over a year. I'll refer to her as "Tyra." Since we have the same friendship base we saw each other often and even worked on a project together. Outside of the project, there was no communication or interaction. During this time Tyra and her husband were expecting their 3rd child. I purchased a mother's day item and the closer it got to mother's day the more I had a feeling the item I purchased was for Tyra. I ignored this prompting as it would mean I would need to contact and speak to this person and I just didn't want to. I ignored this feeling for a couple of weeks.
My sister and a couple of other friends went to a get together of sorts the Saturday afternoon before Mother's Day. Our friend "Amrie" lived about 30 minutes a way and needed a ride home after the get together so my sister and I decided we would turn it into a small road trip.
The later it became in the evening the more pressed I felt to give Tyra her mother's day gift. Just as we were heading toward the Highway to take Amrie home I found myself yelling at my sister to
"STOP! I don't know why but I have to get this gift and give it to her TONIGHT. I don't know why but I have to"
My sister, who was driving, veers off the the street right of the highway entrance and heads toward my apt. I ran into my apt and grabbed the gift and we rushed over to Tyra's house.
I knocked on the door and her daughter answered.
"where's your mom" I asked her.
"Who is it?" I heard her from the back hallway.
I stepped in and saw her almost doubled over in pain and barely able to walk.
"what's wrong?" I asked.
She couldn't get a hold of her husband at work and someone was over an hour late picking her up, and taking her to the hospital. She was in active labor and waiting for someone to pick her up. We got her in the car and rushed her off the Hospital. Her son was born shortly after. Shortly after, our friendship was repaired again.

I wanted to be stubborn. I TRIED to be stubborn. And I tried not to give a CRAP about about her and that voice in my head telling me the right thing to do. Let's be clear. I DID NOT WANT TO DO THIS. I was O.K only dealing with her on an as needed basis.

I'm not sure how we would be towards each other had I decided to be stubborn. Today her kids call me "Aunty" and my kid calls her "Aunty" and WE ARE FAMILY.

Another time a young couple I knew was moving and needed help with the move. I Didn't really like them. They didn't too much care for me either. However they needed help. I rallied a few people and we went and helped them move in. It was a good thing because they really didn't have too many people helping them at all and would have spent all of the evening and most of the night moving. We aren't really CLOSE but I do enjoy their company when end up at the same place.

There have been times when I've helped those I don't really like too much and they've reminded them WHY I don't really like them, but I helped them anyway.
How could I be so naive and stupid you may ask? 2 reasons.
This just happened recently to a friend of mine who lives in Canada:

"I ran out of gas last Friday night on the Trans-Canada hwy. My guy knew something was wrong because I ALWAYS come right home and ALWAYS call him to tell him where I am. He called the police TWICE,gave my name and for 4 hrs no police no help. I started walking the 22KM in the rain,then the coyotes started getting close so I went back to the truck.Then 5 Phillipino men picked me up and took me home.I figured it was either them or coyotes going to kill me.So I took my chances with the men."
She rec'd help. It took her 4 hours but she rec'd help.

True in this case the men were police officers who were lax on their job responsibilities. Here is another situation that didn't turn out so well.
I have been stranded before or in situations like this before where I have needed help, called friends for help and they have actually responded

"well I'm in the middle of something right now, but call me back in a little while if you can't get someone else."

Actually, I get that a lot. In most cases these are also the people who call me on a regular basis when they need, NEED someone they can count on. Someone reliable. Someone they know will come. And I do come. I'm not going to lie, it gets old. It gets frustrating. Sometimes it pisses me off to the point I'm calling them everything but a child of God under my breath. I know I will get stood up, brushed off and ignored, and waiting in distress many, many more times. I will call on friends and they will be too busy or make up excuses because it's not convenient or they just don't want help and don't have the guts to just tell me.

But that's on them.

And at the end of MY day, I don't usually regret it so I'll most likely continue to as some would say "be taken advantage of" to a point. Because maybe it's good for the community or the universe. Maybe it puts a jetted tub or a fabulous granite counter top in my mansion in heaven. Or maybe it just saves a life. Maybe if I'm dissin' someone in need I'm dissin also God.
Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” (Matt. 25:37–40.)
So if I have the power to do so... I will come. Will you?


Rachel said...

I so wished we lived by each other! I find myself wanting to get to know you better! You make my day brighter by your stories! Thank you! You seem like an amazing lady and definately inspiration for me!

ShaBANG said...

Thank you So Much Rachel! Oh you'll get to know me plenty because i do tell on myself in these blogs!lol :)

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