Sunday, July 20, 2008


PTSD. I explained about a month ago of a situation that threw me into Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I've also found out that a couple of you, my friends are or have gone through this thing as well.

It sucks, doesn't it? Yeah, it does.

I've since learned there are Physical effects to this as well as emotional and mental.

Most common is flu like symptoms: headache, body aches, upset stomach, fatigue. All part of it. I started working out last week to take care of some anxiousness I'd been feeling. Also to become "wedding dress" ready which is just an added bonus. Thursday I woke up sick, stiff and sore. Now I've been athletic most of my life and I recognize sore and stiffness from working out. I was also diagnosed with R.A about 12 years ago so I'm also familiar with aches and pains from that as well. But I tell you I was down for the count Thursday and Friday and not from any preexisting thing. I think I finally rolled out of bed for the day about 1:15 pm.

Saw there therapist Yesterday. I mentioned to her that I felt things were slow going. Friday, simply not a good day, I felt as if I were back in the first week of this whole happening thing. Here I thought I'd come so far and it pretty much felt like square one.
Apparently that's normal. And it will come in waves. 11 years of "stuff" takes time to surface and heal and it won't happen in 30 days. *sigh* Slow going. Everyone is different. Some people take months, others years. My progress is in the months category. I see the doctor twice a week instead of 3 times. Also on better weeks I see her once, and then call in to see if an additional appointment is needed. Most times it's not. For the most part what I'm learning is helping me in all aspects of life. Each time I have session, a situation approaches me soon after, sort of like... ok, you just leaned a productive way to deal with this, lets see ya practice it. It's kind of cool.

I've got oms pretty big steps to take the next 2 weeks. The Dr will be out of town for that time. I do have her # however if I need it. I'll probably not use it because I have a HUGE support group around me here. And I keep a notebook close to write things down to help me connect the dots and keep my train of thought.

What's funny in all this therapy stuff? There's a popular movie that came out a few years ago that I absolutely detest: "What About Bob."
Seriously something about that movie irks the crap outta me. Some days I feel like Bob. AUGH, there,I said it ICK... UGH! I dunno why, but that movie makes me wanna slap somebody.... ANYBODY. It had it's funny moment. I've only seen it once and never intend to have to see it again.

So anyway this whole thing reminds me of that movie sometimes, when I'm feeling extra needy or like I need a little more care than usual.
There are days like that. I'm not ashamed to say there are days when I don't know WHAT the heck is going on. This could not have happened at a more worse time: My daughter getting ready for college, exactly a month later I'm getting married. What a time for all hell to break loose. So when things seem a little off lately I am POSITIVE it's me and I'm ok with that.
Don't be afraid to tell me I'm not thinkin right or I sound crazy.... because as of late it's true. lol And I'm learning how to laugh at myself because I know it's not a permanent condition. And soon will be back to normal.... Ok... .well... MY version of normal.

Lets hope it NEVER gets to the point of anyone having to call me "Bob." If you do I might just haul off and smack you one! ;)


Samantha said...

That's an interesting post. Here's a website that is useful for those who wish to overcomepost traumatic stress. has plenty of tips and guides which you can use to improve yur condition. Hope this helps ya.

Kristin said...

I'm glad you're getting better- slowly but surely.

It was so great to see you at Genesis. That was an awesome experience and David and I were both really excited about it. I don't know if I told you before, but his stepmom is black and she just craves something like that. Often she will go to her old church in the morning before she goes to her ward just because she misses the culture and she wants her kids to have good black Christians to look up to. Something like Genesis would be such a blessing to her.

Back to you, you're strong and I know you'll be okay, but I'm glad you're surrounded by so much support. Love ya!

trentandkathbeardall said...

Im sorry you have been so sick. I've been really worried. It was good to see you. dont be a stranger.

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