EVERY HOME NEEDS A WAR ROOM!

I live in Utah. UTAH!  Black People make up 1% of the population in Utah. Utah. That was when the last Census was taken in 2013. Although this place Is becoming more and more diverse we black folks in Utah are Pioneers.  Most people with brown or olive skin in Utah are pioneers. We miss out on a lot culturally here. There just isn't the interest or the support from the majority of Utah Citizens to learn outside of themselves.  That fact, for me is a breeding ground for  racial and cultural biases, prejudices and bigotry. People tend to be afraid of what they don't educate themselves of.

Recently (as in a week or 2 ago) 2 movies riddles in black culture with mostly black casts came to Utah.   The more popular one is "Straight Outta Compton." The story of the rap group NWA.    Although it is  a true story, it also plays to the  Stereotypes that most believe of black people, especially here in  Utah.   When speaking with most of my friends here, Majority of course white, they have seen and enjoyed  Straight Outta Compton and are fans of the Rap group NWA.


The least popular movie is "War Room."  About a family struggling to stay together and failing Until an Elderly woman takes it upon herself to mentor the wife on how to properly fight for you family and marriage through God.   I know, I know you already feel the preachy and don't want any part of it.  These movies tend to be boring and preachy with bad acting. NO worries! This is probably your que to leave.   Everyone else YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
 
I have a new favorite movie! I loved it.  LOVED IT

I am so culturally proud of the movie War Room! You see, there's a part of the black culture that the media and entertainment field doesn't really delve into and that is out spiritual side.  There is a black church culture like no other.  And even as a member of the LDS Church I still say there is nothing like worshiping with Grandma and Grandma's church!   I have heard many men and women of God around the world pray: LDS Prophets, Catholic Priests, TD Jakes and Joel Osteen. I've hear prayers in Temples and Cathedrals',  Synagogues and Mega churches. But the prayers that strike me to the core are the one's  I've heard at the knee of my Momma, Grandmama's and  Great-Grandmama's , praying for their families, for their men and praising their God!  

As a Christian I am spiritually proud of this movie!  I could relate to soo many scenes, from  stanky feet to praying for my man (when I had one. Boy, that Alabaster Box Album and the song "He's Not Ready...He's not on his knees" had me on mine and in tears many nights) to walking through every room commanding in the name of Jesus that the Devil get up on outta my house!"   Remembering the realness of struggling to submit to  the will of the Lord and the final release when humbling myself to do so.  And the faith and relief of knowing that God had everything under control.    I find myself asking  How did I manage to step so far away rom those moments?  Now keep in mind this moments were accompanied by the relationship of a Wife who was angry and bitter with her husband and a husband who was angry and bitter at his wife  with a daughter in the middle observing it all. 

What saddens me the most is when a Good Movie like WAR ROOM  comes along  it goes unsupported.   We, the black community  get caught up in Piss-off-city when white people want to see and keep us in stereotypes that reflect us negatively as  Rappers, Thugs, and Mad Black people.  Yet when something culturally reflecting our spirituality and  ability to win a struggle legally, spiritually and morally we don't support it.  If WE don't support it, how can we expect others to support us in it?

 I have lost count of how many of my friends and family,black and white have seen  "Straight Outta Compton."  I Can count on 3 fingers how many of them have seen "War Room." That doesn't include myself.  I'm not saying "S.O.C" is a bad movie or a bad movie choice. What I am saying is  this: I know  very few white people who are going to support a movie with an all or mostly black supporting cast.  When they do, it will be something along the lines of  Madea, or Kevin Hart, Or Martin Lawrence or Will Smith, action filled with swearing, killing and sex. Or the antics of a Big black man dressed up like an old black woman who is most outlandish to the white community.    They're going to line up to see our antics in the form of court jesters or thug.

 Very few will go out of their way to see  stories like  SELMA or WAR ROOM. The films that WE Feel define us best to our core.
 
   I saw the Movie SELMA earlier this year.  It came out about the same time as  American Sniper.  Once a gain my white friends/family felt they had to choose  to watch SELMA  or American Sniper.  Not recognizing there didn't need to be a choice.   One story was just as American and Patriotic as the other. One story was just as important to American History as the other.   The reality of it is WE HAVE AMERICAN SNIPERS IN OTHER COUNTRY BECAUSE OF THE BULLSH*T THAT HAPPENED IN SELMA.   Does anyone else find it odd that we have American Snipers "policing the injustices of civil humanities" in other countries, while we can't even get  that same support in our own?   


  War Room set a fire inside of me that I haven't felt for year.  It gave me the desire to get back on a plan with myself and with the Lord.  In a time where "all lives matter" and  people a going into jails and not coming back out alive, or getting stopped by the police and sharing their last breath in the company of those in uniform, it is Imperative that everyone home have a "war room."    To deal with the battle that goes on around us every day inside our homes, on our streets and in our places of business.   WE ARE AT WAR with Vices we don't even see.  Homes are  riddled and pocked with abuse, addiction, contention and so many other things tearing families away from each other and the Lord. We've grown to proud to call on Heaven when we are in too deep and have the audacity to  wonder  why this nation is going to hell in a hand basket when we hear the news of what goes on out in the street.     War Room was like  Black folks General Conference and if you are  LDS that says a lot.   Every family needs to see this.  And urge your allies to see it as well.  There is no reason why  everyone regardless of color and culture can't see this film. 


 It's taken me back to my black church roots! You know, the kind where you get that big white HOLY BIBLE  with the genealogy pages for adding the names and birth records of all the family members. And you retire to that prayer room *war room* in the house where you pray in secret everyday and write  out those special prayers for special people and situations and hand them on the wall. And you start to keep that Journal of all your answered prayers, so that when times of trouble and doubt creep in you refer back to it REMEMBERING all that the Lord has done for you and yours.  This was a movie full of Gospel Principles. And I believe more people would enjoy it if they ventured out to see it.  I will be owning this one.


http://ktla.com/2015/09/06/box-office-war-room-pushes-straight-outta-compton-out-of-top-spot-over-labor-day-weekend/

ANGELS ARE PROTECTING....

I’ve have been given some amazing blessings during some amazing circumstances I remember  rough time in particular when my daughter was  4 or 5 years old a huge cloud of depression came over me and would not lift for weeks.  At one point I would send my daughter off to  Headstart. From the time she got on the bus to the time she got off the bus would have bouts of crying for what appeared to be no apparent reason.  But if there was a knock on the door or a phone call I could turn it off Just like that only to have it start up again when the visitor left of the phone hung up.

  One particular Saturday my daughter  was spending the weekend with my sister. Although I was not crying I was in the thick of the depression.

  At the time, I had a friend who flew out to different states and  taught classes on the weekend and would fly back home. I was absolutely shocked when the phone rang and I heard her voice on the answering machine.  She mentioned she was calling to say hello.      A couple of hours went by and  she called back. I,  again, let it go to the machine?  “Girl, What’s up!  Im on my lunch break  and wanted to see how you’re doing today!”     That weird, and nice of her I thought.  We were pretty good friends at the time and  so it was nothing for us to call each other.  However it was odd for her to call on a week where she was out of state.  So Imagine my surprise when she called a third time and said… “Im not sure why  I’m supposed to call you, but I’m calling to let you know that I’m thinking of you today and if you’re struggling I can feel it and  I’m here if you need to talk or need anything. Love you, bye!”

 

I was shocked. Although I’m not sure why, because I get impression like to to call or go visit people all the time and it happens to be in a time of need.

     I felt It was time I speak with my bishop and get a blessing.  My Bishop was also my home teacher and our families were close.  I was his wife’s visiting Teacher as well as a young women’s advisor for 2 of their daughters.  And they just practically lived In the back yard where my apartment complex was so we were always visiting back and forth.    I spoke to him about what was going on and agreed  that it sounded like he should give me a blessing.   He asked if we could do it the next day so he could fast and pray about it before hand.   I have always appreciated him taking the extra time to prepare himself for giving a blessing. I’m not sure that I’ve ever had a bishop do things quite that way but It always made me feel extra special, him asking for time to prepare himself to be a vessel in my behalf. 

         We met the next day for my blessing which was AMAZING. 

 

 

I wont mention too much about it but I will mention this particular portion.  At some point during the blessing he paused for literally a couple of minutes.   That’s a long time to sit in silence.  And his voice slightly changed when he spoke again he said   “angels are protecting those who are close to you for your benefit…”    And at the time  that frightened me.  My thoughts were… “what’s going to happen to me that those around me are going to need protection to help me??”

 

 

  Truly limited vision at the time but I’ve come to know exactly what it means.      When the blessing ended  I felt  exhausted.  So I laid down to rest.  When I woke a few hours later, I called the Bishop’s wife,  and we’re close friends.  I wanted to thank the Bishop.   She said…. “I don’t know what happened in that blessing and I don’t need to know but  He came home so exhausted he’s been sleeping for the last  few hours. He felt so much of Heavenly Father’s  power and love  come down for you that it wiped him out!! That’s never happened like that before”   We both laughed about how my electric personality and how it must have sapped his energy source and  it and compared it to how  Lehi was so caught up in the spirit that it exhausted him to his bed.      Had it been more current I would have said… “THAT’S THE POWER OF PINESOL BABY!!”  lol  It felt good to find something to laugh about and in the day following  I began to slowly come out of my Cloud of depression.

 

What I’ve come to learn through the years is that blessings and promises like that aren’t really just for the moment or current situation.  This happened 20 years ago and I can see, in the last 20 years how those close to me have been guarded and protected by angels for my benefit. 

 I had one such occasion a few days ago.

Saturday June 20,  2008 I had a leadership meeting at the LDS genesis chapel.  At that meeting I was asking the current Relief Society ( Women’s Organization) President for some advise on a an incident that happened the day before that could be a huge legal issue.  The Relief Society President is an attorney so she was in the perfect position to help me with my concern.  As I began relaying the experiences to her,  my mind blurred and could not differentiate between me telling her the situation and me going through the situations  and I began to relive the experience as I’m sharing it with her. I couldn’t  “connect the dots”  which resulted into a  full breakdown.

 

I couldn’t distinguish between reality and memory.   Another of the sisters recognized what I was experiencing and suggest I needed to get to a crisis center.   She recognized it  because she has gone through it herself and was  there available  for my benefit.    My sister and I had just moved to a new ward 2 months prior so I was not familiar with the name of the bishop. However  our neighbor and friend, who also is a therapist  was able to contact our bishop and explain the situation. The bishop called LDS Family services crisis line and was able to get me in immediately.   I asked the R.S President to come with me.   I don’t remember too much about the rest of the day… Or  the  6 months after.  I do know our new Bishop took great care of me and my needs.  He was there before my benefit, before he committed suicide a month and a half after my crisis.  I was a stranger and he took me in and made sure I had all the care needed, before he took himself out.

 

That was 7 years ago.    Lately my mind has been fixated on  June of this year, 2015.    The body and mind remembers anniversary dates especially where trauma is concerned.    On Saturday June 20, 2015. I will be at the LDS Genesis chapel in a leadership meeting.

Eerily my mind has been fixated on the events of the same morning 7 years ago.  Do I go? Do I stay away? What if I freak the freak out? 

 

I was going over this with my sister. Who at one time was part of the Genesis Leadership.  If I happen to get to a point where I am incapacitated, who then can help me?  We went through our list of the current members of the Leadership.  There would be 3 people there who were in the room  the first time.  However 1 of them panicked and couldn’t handle it then, it scared them to the point of not knowing what to do.  The other 2 could possibly be there however  one  having PTSD herself and is currently going thru a rough time,  may not be there the other being their spouse. Also they will be out of town hopefully holding the newest member of the family they are expecting.

 

And then I remembered.. . There is a brotha  in the leadership who is familiar with my situation.   He will be at the leadership meeting. Next month.     What I didn’t know until yesterday is that he was actually at the Crisis Center that day I arrived  7 years ago.

 

I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.  I don’t remember too much about that day… or the next 6 months that would follow. Im told, and As it appears  I was taken to the Center and they were expecting me. My brotha  was in the front of the office and heard some of what the situation was.  Upon hearing it was a possible  issue with  sexual harassment he returned to his office so as not to  trigger or upset the patient coming in because he could feel the urgency of the crisis.   I was brought in and whisked away to the back.   When he came back out he recognized my friend and my sister.   So when I mentioned  to my sister this brotha  would be there she said… “well he was there the day we took you in.”  I told her she was mistaken.  She said… She remembered seeing him that day, it was after I had been taken back to see the crisis therapist and he stepped back into the front of the office and there was my friend and my sister.     MIND BLOWN!!!!  

    I immediately messaged him and he called me and  confirmed the details of that day.  He was indeed there  7 years ago.   And will be there next month.

 

“You’ve got to take that day back! You’ll be in good hands, I got you covered..”

 

  Took me all day to get my head around that.  And my sister finally said to me… “angels are protecting those who are close to you for your benefit…”   

 

They were being protected  20 years ago.  They were being protected  7 years ago and they are being protected now,  for my benefit. .     I am truly blessed by those I choose to keep closely in my friendship and grateful to the Lord for that protection he provides them and me.

  I hope I can be the type of person who is always worthy of their closeness, their friendship and the protection the Lord provides them in my behalf.

 

 

 

CHURCH CONGREGATIONS : FAMILY, FRIEND or FOE?

 

A part of me feels guilty when I hear of what many of my brothers and sisters go through in their wards. I've heard some ward members will actually snitch on others because they are not in agreement with a comment they heard in Sunday School or Relief Society or in our other meetings.

"Bishop! Sister Blamwell said we shouldn't follow the prophet!"

  Sister Blamwell said "We shouldn't follow the prophet blindly without praying for our own confirmation of what the prophet speaks about, because that's how Hitlers come to power"
    Even Nephi asked his brothers if they Prayed for understanding and truth of what Father Lehi spoke to them about.

 Sometimes I feel this is the difference growing up LDS in Utah vs Outside of Utah.

 Which brings us to our ward Families.   The beauty of our ward families is that they are compiled of members who come from different backgrounds, cultures, life experiences, countries and perceptions.    The problem with our ward families is that they are compiled of members who come from different backgrounds, cultures, life experiences, countries and perceptions.

Our church congregations and meeting houses should be considered  a neighborhood home away from home and a place of comfort. Not just for it's members but for anyone who needs a place of respite and energizing and most of all love.
I've heard and seen some horrific things at church.  Things that come of a holier than though and elitist nature. Things that  folks can leave at the country clubs and other "Society affiliates."  Things that should definitely be spoken within the walls of the House of the Lord.

It is hard to walk into a building with the purpose of learning the Word of God when those teaching it an have stewardship and fellowship over you aren't practicing what they're preaching.



 We should all be able to go to church, stand in our truth, no matter how good, bad or ugly it is and feel the  glory of God within ourselves and within others.  Sinners don't need the judging eyes and pointing fingers of those within who have overcome sins of their own. They need the encouragement and the support of love and kindness.   They don't particularly need to be reminded they smell like smoke, their clothes aren't clean, they haven't been their in years and suddenly they're here because they need help.
 I remember two distinct situations that solidified my idea of what a church congregation can and should be.

 I can remember one day when my daughter was younger I was in a depressed state for what seemed like months.  She would go to preschool and I would spend my days just sobbing.

I remember being able to turn it on and off if someone called, or came to the door or as soon as she came home. One particular Sunday I had determined I wasn't going to church. I didn't feel like it and I didn't want to.  I spent the next couple hours cleaning the house and getting ready for the next week. I had missed our  Sacrament meeting and it was halfway through Sunday school.  The last meeting of the day would be Relief Society, which is the LDS Women's Auxiliary.  So many sisters absolutely hate this meeting. I don't mind it. On this particular day I had no desire to partake of any of the services that day.  I remember ignoring that "Still Small Voice.' that said... "Karyn, you should go to church."  I shook of that voice 3 times that morning. And when it was about  10 minutes for the Women's Meeting to start I Hear a voice very audibly and powerful. "Karyn, you MUST get to church!"  It was so audible I turned around to see who had come into my house.   There was no one there that I could see.  But the power and urgency I felt in the voice unnerved me.

   I put on a Michigan Wolverine sweat shirt, jean skirt and my blue and white Reeboks as part of my Rebellion. I'll go but I'm going on my own terms.  I pulled my hair back into a pony tail and  walked across the street to the Chapel.

  I walked into the door and down the hall to the Relief Society Room. Ignored the greeter and sat in the 2nd to last seat in the 2nd to last row.  Those who came in looked at me with a smile and a wave and I  bushed them off with a  "don't you dare talk, sit or even look at me today or I'll slap you!"   Oh there was such an anger in me for having to come.     I sat by myself with my arms and legs folded as if to close myself off from everyone else.  I was clearly sending the message... "I Don't want to be here so pretend I'm not here.'      
  The sister conducting stood up, made the typical announcements an turned the time over for the opening Hymn:

Our Saviors Love.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUKrKIGkagg


 I had heard the song for years. Decades. So many times. Something in me that day was so desperate it opened me up to receive that song in a way it never had before and I would never hear that song again without choking up.

 By the end of the first verse I felt a tear down my cheek.
By the end of the second verse I was sobbing and recognized 3 sisters had come and sat by me. two on either side and one behind me and they were crying with me, for me. Holding me so tight so I wouldn't fall apart.  I was so grateful for them in those moments.  By the end of the 3rd verse most of the sisters in the room with crying. It was a great unification of Sisterhood that day.  No body knew what was going on with me.  Nobody asked me to explain what I was going through or why such a disruption. No body needed to. All they knew was that I needed solidarity of some kind and they did what they could even if it was just crying with me. And it pulled me out of a 6 week depression.

It's literally 20+ years later and that experience lives permanently on my heart. And I share it when I can. Because it demonstrates to me the importance and difference a ward family can make in the lives of those in it.


Another tough time I had been having in a different ward. I had to see the Bishop and his counselors o guide me out of this experience. It was difficult and humbling. I could have easily not confronted the situation but know  I couldn't live one more minute in the truth of it. 
 My ward leaders gathered around me. They acknowledged my fear and my desire to run away.   They took me in and asked me to trust them, and to trust the Lord. They followed up with  please don't run from us. Please let us love you and support you and keep you strong through it.  Our purpose and the purpose of the ward is to  love you through it all.

  I was awestruck by this.  The more I share this experience I find it to be a rarity. This particular ward couldn't give a rat's tail what you look like, how you smell, what you're wearing they would welcome anyone at anytime with open arms and smiles.  And it wasn't just those who were assigned to fellowship your family it was everyone, even the children.  When the president of the Women's Auxiliary asked you for a "Fast & Testimony Bingo Card." so she could play during sacrament you KNOW you are amongst good people.


Just like any other family,  Ward/Congregation family has all kinds. Gossips. Snitches. Liars. Beggars. Feminist. Abusers. Users. Manipulators. Praisers. Encouragers. Cheerleaders,  those who strengthen. Followers. Leaders.   This is why it takes us all being close to the Lord and working toward his spirit upon us to have that inspiration of how to create a loving and inspired ward family.
  Our attitudes towards each other in the ward can have a lasting affect on a person for the whole week.  We can be so energized from our Church experience that it carries over into all areas of our lives. We can also be so traumatized by our church experience that it carries over into all areas of our lives.   When Thursday come around are you dreading looking forward to Sunday or are you excited to gather again with your ward family?   Are you the reason someone doesn't come? Are you the reason someone stays?   Even though our Lord should be the number one reason we go to worship in these buildings with these people we would not be honest with ourselves if we didn't recognize that being surrounded by certain people does have an effect on if we want to be some place.

Church is not the place to air your dirty laundry with your neighbor. It is not the place to  voice or share your negative experiences with  Sister Blamwell.  It is not YOUR home and you shouldn't run it as if it is your home.    KEEP YOUR  MOUTH SHUT and accept anyone who enters into the House of the Lord.  Our job is to make sure the all who enter feel the Love of the Father in Heaven through our  interactions with each other.
 There's no better place to heal mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually than a place where people are going to be loving on you.  Church should be that place.

Ain't no love like family love.

When You Are GoingThrough Hell..... KEEP GOING!

 

First and foremost HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 We enter the new year with promises of a new life.  We're going to get healthy.  We're going to get out of debt. We're going to forgive and forget. We're going back to school.  We're going to get organized. We're going to stop smoking. We're going to start going back to church.   We are going to make it happen.

 

 I have some of those same goals. I made them early on and had already began to incorporate them so they would already be in play when the new year arrived.

  To make a long story short, I've been ill since the 2nd week of November.

  It will continue to recycle until I can get into a specialist. Plans to be back in school this semester have been moved to summer semester. I'm not going to be out of debt anytime this year and plans for doing all the 5k's I wanted aren't looking so great either.

   So I can either pout and go into being pissed and complain about it for the rest of the year or.... I can adjust the plan OR I can make a new plan.   The point is if I sit and complain and poo poo about how the original plan is junked up and stay bitter about it then it's going to be a really bitter year.

 

There have been many times when I have stopped progressing at the first sign of struggle or a challenge.  I think we all have at some point. I've learned that those things are put in place to verify my strength, faith and perseverance.