For the last month it feels like my whole mind has been on big stupor. That being said it makes me feel like I've been S.O.S: Stuck On Stupid making one careless mistake after another. That being the case I know its time for me slow down, look inside, take inventory and have, what we black folks, a "come to Jesus meeting."
I've been going back through the month trying to see if the Lord has been tossing pebbles at me to get my attention.
Cuz y'all know first he'll toss little pebbles at you to try and get your attention, then He'll start throwing bricks.
I've been kind of drifting in a lazy current waiting to see if the purchase of a condo I'm under contract for will go through. It's feeling like on small set back after another. I've been trying to move forward in faith but it's been a little half-assed. I know if the Lord wants me in this place then I'll be in this place. I trust the Lord will place me where I'm supposed to be. I must know that his plan for me is way better than my own. I know where I want to be and he knows where I belong. He not only knows it but he's got the gps on how to get me there. I keep ignoring that gps trying to get there on my own so the Lord has been throwing up these little road blocks here and there. I should be stopping and paying attention but instead I just flip a u-turn, back track wasting time, money and resources just to find another way to run into another set back.
Last Monday I was in a car accident. That's when it hit me (literally) that I need to start paying more attention to what God is telling me. The first thing that went through my mind was... "Really, Lord? REALLY?" Kind of like " you've gotta be kidding me what the hell...?
The Lord answered.. "REALLY, child. REALLY"
The rest of the week it's been occurring to me that I've been ignoring my G.P.S and trying to work things out on my own. I know God has been working things out too but I haven't inquired of him as to what I should be doing to prepare for his work.
Today it's occurring to me that it's not necessarily what I am or am not doing regarding the purchase of my Condo. It's more in regards to what I am and am not doing in my life. It's been a while since I've had conversations with the Lord on a daily basis like I used to. YET I EXPECT HIM TO BLESS AND REMEMBER ME DAILY. When things go wrong, I expect him to help fix it. When I want something really bad I expect him to give it. When I get stuck on stupid I expect him to accept and over look it while I have no intentions of coming out of it anytime soon. Lately I've been expecting the MAX from him while I give the minimal output. I've been forgetting my GPS:
I'm reminded of Doctrine & Covenants 82:10 I, the Lord, am abound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise. And Proverbs 3:5-6
5.Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
I am far from perfect and doing all I know I should regarding the Gospel Of Jesus Christ. I have no shame in that confession. The shame is in the laziness and uncaring way I've Ignored those little pebbles Heavenly Father has been tossing at me to get my attention. I am grateful for a Father in Heaven who allows me the agency and mind to make choices good and bad. For him to take that power away he would cease to be GOD. I'm grateful for the hell in my life that allows me to over come and teaches me more about who I really am and allows me to recognize those weaknesses I need to strengthen. More than anything I'm grateful for a Loving Heavenly Father and his Son Jesus Christ,who, when I sometimes turn my back and walk away, I know they are always there when I Do turn back around, with arms stretched out still.
